blahhhhhhhh

Sometimes you sick on vacation.:-(

And sometimes --- your ex-roommate moves all of his stuff out when you arent there - even though ask him not to - and the current roommate doesn't answer any of your attempts at contact until AFTER the ex-roommate moved his crap out. The communication is only to complain and tell you they are moving out because theex-roommate left the place looking like a "tornado" ran through it.

I don't like people sometimes.

GLITTER!:)

BLAH! I made it down to the final group for an "immediate replacement" of Miss Mimi in Angelina Ballerina. GAH! I WANT MY PHONE TO RING WITH GOOD NEWS SO BADLY! I walk past the theatre every day (It's directly across the street from GROM gelato) and I always think - some lucky non-equity person gets be in that show. I want it to be me! Come on phone! RING!

Oh yes - AND - IOLANTHE opens today! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And - I think I'm having an allergic reaction to the glitter. BOOOOOOOOOO!

It's all bitter sweet and nervewracking! I love the IOLANTHE cast so much - and I love doing the show! I'm excited to share it with an audience:-) - but sad it's almost over.:-( I felt like I was at the RSC again - a home full of intelligent talented funny fun people! I hope the audience enjoys it as much as I have up to this point! We will definitely be SPARKLY!:)

Candace

Candace is awesome - she comes over and plays piano for me when I am in desperate need and gives me free vocal coaching - I DID buy her lunch today - she got me to do what no one else has been able to do! FIVE PART HARMONY WHERE I'M NOT THE SOPRANO! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I repeat - Candace is awesome. And that is all for now...

Thinking you're fabulous

Sometimes it's really hard to have self confidence....not because you think you suck - but because there are so many other wonderfully talented people out there...

I have an appointment for Angelina Ballerina - which I an incredibly excited about - but I am weird and always like to stalk to the performers I am replacing....there are so many WONDERFUL girls in that cast - girls who sing far better than I (or with more trainging) who dance just as well if not better - and TAP - and have blonde curly bouncing hair! So you walk around thinking you're pretty awesome - being the ballet dancing opera singing beauty - and then - BAM! You realize you are one of a hundred....or a thousand....and you suddenly feel very very very small...except you realize you have been having a little too much Stratford-esque fun with your IOLANTHE cast - and maybe ate one too many burgers this week...and welll - the small feeling goes away into a ---- big (in the wrong way) feeling. But - hey - I LOVE MY CAST! AND they go to PUBS! so - I'm not sorry for it!

I was outed - by the way - as the other person they were considering to directing IOLANTHE. (FORTUANTELY NOT to the director - but to the music director who I made swear not to tell!) The set designer told her! And I was like SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH! THAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE TOLD TO OUR CREATIVE TEAM!

Sadly - I think I'm getting a little too angsty and director like regarding the press aspects of the show - and everyone is getting suspicious and keeps asking me "wow - have you ever produced a show before? You really know what you're doing." EEEEK! I hope that doens't mean I'm being evil and tyrannical!

I still want a corgi.

chocolates

For some reason - it doesn't feel as though the holidays are upon us...I don't know if it's the temperature or lack of early Christmas peraphanalia in the stores - or the fact there don't seem to be any good holiday movies coming out with incessant previews...or maybe I'm scrooged out -

Part of me does feel rather scrooged out - the good news is - I'm working on vanquishing that part...looking for new places to live - talking to people who might want to live with me that I might want to live with - (I don't think the subletter guy is the one of my dreams. While so sweet - my goodness KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS MAKES YOU DUMBER! DO NOT WATCH FREAKING MARATHONS OF IT!) Sigh...I know we need to have a house meeting, about stupid things like...my spot on the sofa - and the damn Kardashians. The truth of the matter is, I really miss JP - living with someone who knew me so well and who I knew so well - and all the things like my spot on the sofa just...weren't even an issue. I miss the enlivened conversation that we would have while he was here - and the glorious music - the constant live opera and classical music...glorious...not....stupid pop music or GLEE covers of Pop music. I just feel very...resigned...

But the show opens in a week and a day - I don't know if I'm excited or horrified - I'm definitely going to miss the rehearsing because I just love the cast so much! I hope the audience loves the show. Sometimes, if the cast loves the show too much, the audience...doesn't get it. I remember that from the RSC...the shows the casts were often most proud of were the ones that weren't at gloriously critically received. But can you really go wrong with sparkly fairies?

I was holding a hat random for the past ten days. One of JP's friends left his hat here - and I was holding it ransom. I returned the hat today, and he gave me an assortment of Jacques Torres chocolates. To be honest, it's the first time a boy has ever bought me chocolates. I don't think it was meant to be romantic...more just silly...but - I've been wistfully thinking about Blair Waldorf - and I had a lovely imaginary Blair moment. He also mentioned that he was singing with the NY Philharmonic tonight, and it turns out in the same show that our IOLANTHE Fairy Queen is singing in. They are in the same chorus. It may seem silly, but I know hat guy has worked with major opera companies and won many opera competitions, and to know he was singing in the same chorus as the girl I am acting with in IOLANTHE made me feel proud - and somewhat hopeful...

I'm going to need to take a music theory course or something, because it's killing me. The inability to read music and to easily hold a part that isn't a soprano melody....I am so lucky that people think I have trained, but they get frustrated and forget I HAVENT and don't understand why I dont speak whatever strange language they are talking to me in. Maybe that will be a goal for when IOLANTHE is over, whilst I"m waiting for that LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY card to come through!

On a horrifying side note --- do we think Bristol Palin's continuation on Dancing with the Stars is a reflection on the Tea Party and crazy right wingers - who probably set up call banks for her? I refuse to watch until she off - which is VERY difficult because its the only thing remotely entertaining on t.v. before Gossip Girl on Mondays....

And on a delicious side note, Kat and I decided I need to marry the owners of GROM. Now - until this afternoon - neither of us knew who they were or what they looked like. The scoopers at Grom always said they have never met Mr. Grom (for whom the gelateria is named) - so we imagined Mr. Grom and his business partner were two fat old men - probably gay -

OH NO MY FRIENDS!. MR. GROM and his business partner are young (32 and 35) HOT passionate Italian gelato geniuses AND MOSCATO D'ASTI BREWERS! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? Now I feel I must go to Italy and find Mr. Grom and marry him! At least write a letter telling him of my affections...but first I should maybe....I don't know...learn Italian!? (Which would help with the music theory too.) OH MR. GROM! BE PRINCE CHARMING!

strange

As part of the press for IOLANTHE - we are trying to put together a 75th anniversary of the company video. To give you an example of how ---- inefficient this company is...

They have a "historian." The historian has all the archived photos. I asked the historian is she could pick out a few of her favorite production photos from each show, that would illustrate the high production values of the company, and bring the to me Tuesday during rehearsal. This seems like a really easy task to me.

I have recieved eight e-mails today alone asking questions about this task. "Does the 30th anniversary of the company's party count as a production photo that shows the production value of the company's shows." Me - NO. Them How about our trip to Longon. Me - No. Them - how about an article talking about how such and such an actor is a pillar of strength "me - no - photos." them - how about a playbill - me no photos. Them - do you want 3 - or 4 photos from each production. Me: doesn't matter - send along what you think will work. them: what if my favorites wouldnt be the same as your favorites me: Your favorites will be fine. Them: I can't do this because another person has the photos fomr 1990-2003- and how will you get these hard copies onto a computer me: I know - i already talked to the person with 1990-2003 photos - they are sending them to me - we have a scanner - to get the photos on-line them: are you sure you don't want this newspaper article or pictures of our 30th anniversary party. We are also baking a large cake for the 75th anniversary - do you want a picture of that. Me: just production photos.

WHAT? HOW IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?

OH! and the historian has an assistant - who also is e-mailing me with questions. Are you sure - this is about 70 photos. Me: Yes - we won't include all of them if the video is too long.

GAH!

They also tried to make me buy a $15 t-shirt that says "I believe in fairies." I told them I don't have $15 to be spending on a t-shirt that says I believe in fairies - they said - but it will show your support of the show - me: I know, but i's still $15 I could spend on food - or I dunno ANYTHING ELSE - for Pete's sake - everyone knows I believe in fairies I don't need to advertise it with an ugly t-shirt. My very existence I think seems to ring out I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES! I used to hurl glitter on innocent passerby-s in high school - heck - I still wear glitter and own three pairs of fairy wings!

We also have a lawyer in the cast who is terrified that one of our publicity campaigns will clue the people she is suing into her emberassing hobby of singing Gilbert and Sullivan - and no one will respect her anymore - so she gets final look at everything. I mean - at the end of the day - she is still going to be on stage singing G&S - and her name is in the cast list - if someone really wanted to find out about it - they easily could...It just all seems very strange to me.

Then again I am on drugs - so ---- maybe it's the liquid z-pac.

Who knows.

Living with others

I havent REALLLLLLY had a roommate in - probably a year...my past few roommates were hardly ever home...now I have a roommate who seems lovely (he's a flamboyant gay man - I love gay men - I probably secretly AM a gay man) - but it's still strange - having someone who wants to watch the Kardashians when I want to watch Wizards of Waverly Place. Someone sitting on my spot on the sofa. And I can't start off our roommatedom saying ummm - excuse me - that's MYYYYY spot - and btw - Wizards of Waverly Place is on! (Mainly because I CANT FREAKING TALK! But - also - you know ---- manners!) So it will take some getting used to. When I can talk - we may even become friends!:) (He wasnt really understanding "vocal rest can't talk" so I went into my room for the evening. Really - I was so bad - they sent me home from work 30 minutes early. That is actually really unheard of. They knew something was up when I had the little mermaid playing and I wasnt singing along. They were like - WHOAH - she really IS sick! GO HOME!)

Better now than in two weeks! (touch wood.)

weird day

Yesterday was a very strange. I was in a horrible mood for most of it because I was sick:-( and had a seven hour rehearsal where I had to sing and talk - and I could hardly stand - or talk - and had to stop my song to cough up flem and start over again - and then lost it at the musical director who started giving me a voice lesson in the middle of the run during my aria where I had to stop to hack up flem and start over again - this is VERY MUCH A NONO - you give MUSIC DIRECTION during a MUSIC REHEARSAL and NOT during a run - like - you don't go onto the court during a basketball scrimmage if you are a coach and do a do a dribbling drill - that is for PRACTICE.

BUT - I also got a trip to Paris from Cara (She was going by herself - didn't want to go alone - asked me and I said - I'm not paying for a trip to Paris - so she said she would pay...WHAT?) and a stuffed animal corgi from Casey. Er....Christmas early? I'm confused........and happy - but confusedly happy - not really sure what I did to deserve it...throwing hissy fits at your music director doesn't usually constitute reward - even if the MD is in the wrong.

another tip for boys...

Awful boy blog number 50000.

If you're a boy and you go off on a tangent about how you want to live to be a hundred and really LIVE every day with passion! And I ask you what that means...smoking pot, drinking a beer, not being afraid to ask a girl out, and not going to Church, is kinda a lame answer....

Mumblings and meanderings...

Places...

New York is very big - but also very small. I often feel that every Autumn I visit the same places but under different circumstances. For instance, The Palisades. The Palisades are technically in New Jersey - not NYC - they are just across the GW bridge. It's a relatively easy walk from my apt. actually. The first time I went there was with Evan. We went "hunting turkeys." He had gone a week or so prior and seen a wild turkey (in addition to deer and bunnies and normal woodland creatures, but the one that caught my attention was a turkey.) I wanted to go and begged him to take me. So we went - and saw very little wildlife at all. But it was beautiful - and wooded - and I thought I had to go again.

The next time I went, was with the Batman - in the middle of the night - looking for ghosts. I'm odd and actually enjoy woods at night, and Palisades held a special fairytale wonder with the stars and the moon - and the deer you could only see with a sweep of your flashlight. It was also much more Snow White lost in the woods running from the huntsman - because the tangle of branches which are so mystical in the light are guised and haunted in the dark. There is an element of danger and excitement versus the placid trailed that are illuminated by day.

The next time I went was with Kat - an avid hiker - who wanted to get out of the city. We went at Twilight - once again hoping to hunt turkeys. All of the paths which held so much mystique and tension now were athletic hiking trails to briskly conquer in hunt of wildlife and a bit of manifest destiny - how far could we go before it got dark. We saw no turkeys - but we did see about 20 deer and lot bunnies and birds and BRILLIANT fall foliage. Golden fiery hues - incandescent colors dancing about in the sky - and crunching beneath our feet. It was very memorable for a girl who grew up in Florida without the joy of leaves. Being completely engulfed in them - as opposed to detachedly acknowledging them from a sidewalk or street - was magical.

This year I went with Kat again. We were both somewhat morose over the JP situation, but thought some turkey sightings might do a body good. The leaves are turning late this year, they were much greener than last year. Still, our mood picked up considerably once at one with nature. This time instead of hiking - we more played about in what leaves there were and sang silly songs - and debated what would happen during that evenings gossip girl. A complete fluff of a day - but much needed.

But it's funny how I see the same trails - but sometimes they make me cry- and sometimes they make me goofy - and sometimes they make me strong...the same place - but seen through different eyes I suppose. Just makes me you think...or not...lol.

bye bye JP

It makes me incredibly sad that JP is moving out to live with his girlfriend of 1 month. I can't really articulate why. In many ways - it feels like I'm losing my best friend. Well - he has never been my "best" friend - but he has been a very close friend - and since my birthday - he has been acting very strange - to me - to Kat - to everyone --- and it saddens me...because it's never nice to lose someone you care about...and a little insulting - the way he was doing it...oh well - I suppose I'll be better off without him.

The good news is I *believe* the new subletter will be cool. I have high hopes.

I think this is all mixed with a bunch of things. Two horrible dates. (Oh - to ADD to my list of things NOT to do boys...don't SUGGEST we go to the Met Art Museum - then RACE through the entirety of BOTH modern art wings (COMPLETE WITH VAN GOGHS I MIGHT ADD!) - the 19th century European wing - and EGYPT wing - in UNDER 40 minutes - then proclaim "Don't you wish your squiggles were worth millions of dollars." I think a little bit of my soul died right there. It then continued to suffer as I was told that mummies don't contain dead people. (I'm sorry - WHAT is a mummy if it doesn't have a dead person in it!?)

And DON'T be perfectly amazing and say we should do this again when are you free - and when the girls says - Oh - I have two house seats to the Opera on Saturday - do you want to go - and you say yes - ignore her follow-up e-mails and text. At least say NO - so she can give the ticket to someone else. Fortuantely - Miss Danielle stepped in and was a MARVELOUS last minute date - and we got to experience the delicious Anvil Chorus of Il Trovatore! (Which I've since downloaded and can't stop listening to.)

It's so tempting to just say screw it to everything and run off and be an opera singer. I've never gotten so much positive feedback on anything - and I love it! And it would be so freeing to be as fat as I wanted and have it not matter. The Met is the one place that still holds magic for me. I live/work/laugh/cry/wine/dine with Broadway people and Ballerinas...but the opera is untainted. It still glistens when I look at it - and every now and then - I get dressed up for it! (As I did with Danielle and Saturday! We even treated ourselves to chichi crabcakes beforehand!)

Sigh ----- dreams.....