energy

I don't know if I've ever been so inspired as I am right now to keep on challenging myself to become a better performer. I'm not really sure why - nothing really happened. I guess that I really love performing every night and I want to keep on doing it and I feel a fabulous energy within myself. Mary and I are working on belt songs - can't stop me from working on my working on my opera because I just adore it (and it's been my auditory escape from dressing room weirdness). I'm having a hard time fitting dance class in - just because the schedule is crazy - but I'll do it! Maybe one day - I'll find a good acting class. I just want to be the best that I can be!:) But now I need to go to bed - early morning audition. Wahoo!

post audition - luck be a lady with me!

I forgot about the joyous post-audition wait. Oh post audition wait - how tortuous you are. You flirt with me - promising success and joy and happiness - but play coy - will you call or will you not call. AND - you have my number but I don't have yours - so I have no choice but to wait or distract myself while I wait. And - see other auditions while I wait for you to call me and say we are official. Of course - there is always horrifying thought that you won't ever call - in which case - I simply have to write you off and say I was too good for you - and wonder if I am too good for you why am I not WITH you. Oh post audition - you are a cruel mistress - and all I can say is LUCK BE A LADY WITH ME!

Also - I think one of the best things I saw this week was Reinking's face when I told her a girl tried to convince me there was a Lady Jane in Shakespeare's Richard III. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. It was a fight I chose to not even fight. I asked "do you mean Lady Anne?" "no no Jane." "are you sure?" "Yes." "Well let me check in my complete works. No Lady Jane listed." "Well - she's only in two scenes - she might not be listed." "Oh. I guess I didn't know that." Me fighting that fight would only cause trouble in an already bizarre dressing room. It is not the type of place you want to whip out - anything I'd whip out in that fight. Delicate egos need to be massaged. And - I will let you know - I am perfectly confident in my knowledge of Richard III. I don't need to prove to anyone that I know it better than they do. I know - at the end of the day - when the RSC comes around - Boydy will say that I'm with the company. And all is well.

my room.

Things I can see while lying in bed that make me happy ---

One of the advantages (Perhaps the only advantage?) of having a small bedroom is you feel like all of your favorite things are hugging you lie in your bed on a sunny saturday morning - (You should probably be outside enjoying the weather - but the week was so darn exhausting - all I can do is rest in bed!) And as I lay here - I can see -

-My Woman in White opening night plaquw

-ticket to see Morte D'Arthur with Sam, Nixon in China, Satyagraha, and The Little Mermaid

-A postcard with the Shakespeare Quote - Now Heavens Send Thee Good Fortune

-Map of Stratford Upon Avon

-A wishing stone from Ireland given to me by Reinking

-A Giant Conch given to me by Kat and Cara

-My autographed program of Nixon in China (signed by John Adams - composer)

-my dinglehopper (Mermaid thing)

-Little Mermaid plaque with my name on it

-A mermaid incense burning given to me by Reinking

-collection od shells from Sanibel

-poster for the Zefferelli Romeo and Juliet

-Glass chess set given to me by the cast of RIII that I directed

-Small duplicate of the Rose Window of Notre Dame in Paris

-Picture Frame Cara made me

-my Corgi calendar (That has a VERY cute wet corgi running on the beach for the month of October.

-Tibetan Bowl Drum

-Garland of Origami Swans Candace made for me

-A Shoe collection that would make Blair jealous

-Poster of the 2001 RSC History tetralogy

-collection of Fairy wings

-Celtic Mug Gina bought for me

-a sparkly prop Tiara I got from Amore

-My collection of stuffed animal cows

My collection of sparkly headbands (Blair Watch out)

-My Woman in White opening night POSTER (As opposed to plaque)

-The flower crown I wore in Iolanthe

It's a wee bit small - but a good room!:)

-And LOTS of sunshine.

Crazy day!:)

Today was one CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY day!

I had to be at the audition center by 8:30 a.m. I was in such a hurry (and out of practice) I managed to FORGET MY DRESS! AND my dance tights! I had my leotard, dance shoes, dress shoes, but no dress or tights! Loralee TRIED to bring me my tights, but I ended up auditioning before she could. FORTUNATELY - GOSSIP GIRL was on last night so I was feeling especially Blair-like - and was rather dressed up for my "street cloths." The last audition I did since booking MFL was a disaster! AND - the MFL dressing room messes with my brain in a not so amazing way. It's very odd and weirdly competitive - negative - strange. So I was seriously doubting myself. PLUS - I was auditioning for a director I used to A.D. - which made me realllllllly nervous - you know - having to prove to her I belonged on THIS side of the table. I was very nervous - and I forgot my dress. A girl in my cast was there - and she came up to me and said - "all they (audition panel) want to do is talk to eachother - so make sure you get their attention before you start.) Ah - I think this implied she did not get the reaction she wanted. I"m not sure if she was trying to psyche me out - or help me. That being said - it gave me a challenge. I LIKE challenges. I put on I AM THE WIFE OF MAO TSE-TEUNG on my headphones right up until the moment I went in the room - so I couldn't hear ANYONE else or anything else. I went to China and became a CRAZY PSYCHO CHINESE DICTATOR! It' s a weird battle cry - I know - but it helps me remember that I am ME - I am enough just as I am - I am the wife of mao tse-teung and when I appear the people hang upon my words! You WILL listen to me and I will be awesome! It helps me focus and get in the zone and be battle ready. Sometimes it works better than others - auditioning - for me - it a battle within my brain - I am my own worst enemy - I can psyche myself out by worrying about others - or just focus on myself. When I do the latter - the results are usually good - when the former - not so much. Today - fortunately - the result was good. i went in the room and sang my song probably better than I ever have! I was so pleased and had SO much fun in the room. The director commented on my "sassy legs." And the accompanist is actually the accompanist for Mary's workshops - and she gave me a HUGE thumbs up when I finished and when I talked to him later said I sounded really great. That made me SO happy! It gave me MUCH needed confidence. They asked me to dance - and then I read the breakdown and they said to bring TAP SHOES! ACK! GAH! SO I had to run home and get my tap shoes! And then - when the call started - the combination was MERCIFULLY ballet and I didn't need to tap shoes. (AND - I got my tights from Loralee.) They asked me and a girl on the tour of Wicked to come back and tap on Friday - shudder - TAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAPTAPTAP! I couldn't escape it! But - I've been whining that I feel out of shape and not challenged - now I have a HUGE challenge. Gotta fake it until I make it - and wake up early next two days to take tap before going to my matinees of MFL! And I am just so exceedingly happy I got over my weird confidence demons to audition to the best of my ability today - even WITHOUT my dress!:) And I'm glad to be grouped in with a girl on the WICKED tour. The casting director told us he just love us both so much and would love to have us tap. (He might not love me so much after this - I've been BAD about tap. I've actually WORKED a LITTLE on belting - and can do a fake mixed belt - but tap - shudder - anything outside of the seagull tap dance will be exciting to say the least.) It would be an amazing job to have - but we will see. If I lose out on it because of tap - it mean A) I should actually take TAP - and B- it's understandable. I'd be sad if I was cut on ballet. Something I'm SUPPOSED to be good at.

Well - we don't know what the future holds. I was just glad to put in a good strong showing!:) Judges will score how they will - I'm competing against myself!:) And today - in my opinion - I won!:) (Knock on wood for this ENTIRE entry!)

Then I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH BILL! Bill Loralee and I went to see LION KING in 3-D (my first time seeing it on the big screen) - then I got a slice of pizza they each got a slice of cake/pie. We laughed and had a wonderful jolly good time! It was MUCH needed and refreshed me for the incredibly challenging exciting fun week ahead! Hopefully I'll be victorious!:)

weird entry about theatrical magic.

I love theatre. I just had to say that. I am so lucky I get to perform 5 days a week! (for now at any rate.) I love creating magic! I love creating an illusion. I loved it when I was working as a Disney Princess - I love it being a Cockney - I loved it being a sparkly fairy - I love it being a Chiquita Banana. I often wish the magic that happens on stage - the characters - the costumes - the MUSIC (ESPECIALLY THE MUSIC) existed off the stage. Is it wrong that I so prefer the fantasy to reality? Probably. But at this moment I don't care. I get to wear a big hat go to Ascot for ten minutes 5 nights a week. That's pretty darn cool. And if I'm (the production) is successful - so will the audience.

He's just my Bill.

I woke up this morning desperately missing my friend Bill. This is strange because Bill, can actually be very annoying and immature most of the time. But today - I just woke up craving his company. I figured out why. He is one BOUNDLESS mass of energy who just wants to talk a million miles per minute 24/7 about how awesome opera and Gilbert and Sullivan opera. He will talk about his favorite performers, his favorite songs, his favorite shows, his favorite renditions of each aria/character/show, obscure facts about the composer, his concepts for when HE directs the shows, his glee at being cast in cameo roles at Amore even though he can't sing, his joy in acting as a videographer for amore, his plans to make at home movies, his plans to composer, how he can play 8 instruments (kind of) and plans to learn more, about how to properly pronounce the words of operas/operettas in each language, how to read music, how to count rhythm, how to costume shows, you name it he will talk about it. His energy can often be repelling because it is so overwhelming, but today that is what I want. I truly appreciate it today! It SO much nicer than "ugh, do we have to be here? i have no energy? I don't know how I'll make it through this number or that number. ugh this show is so boring. ugh so many costume changes. Ugh the van suck. Ugh I just want to go to sleep. Ugh can we go home yet?" I want BILL and his billion suns worth of enthusiasm. It is infectious. When you are with him - you want to discuss brilliant things as well! And you want to be enthusiastic about what you are doing. He even makes scrambled eggs from a dive diner at 1 a.m. sound like a gourmet meal. Wherever he is - he will bring happiness and excitement. I miss Bill. And I will try to channel Bill and hope I can bring his infectious enthusiasm to my show - and hopefully have people talking about how wonderful things are! (First I'll have to get them to keep the freaking LIGHTS on in the dressing room - they like to have it "dark." Weird.) I miss Bill...

I just need to become the STAR so I can have my OWN dressing room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!