hrmmmm

Its pretty awesome when for the past three days all you've been able to do is sleep - then suddenly at 2 a.m....you are wide awake...boo.

Nutcracker

I have seen several Nutcrackers over the past few days - granted most of them have been on t.v. - only 1 live. But I must ask, what is so wrong with the original story - Clara gets a Nutcracker, she goes to sleep with it - she then dreams (or does she!?!?!) that a clan of evil mice attack her and her nutcracker comes alive, the then hits the mouseking with her shoe, mouseking dies, Nutcracker is transformed back into a human, and then she flies off to a magical land of sweets with her beloved Nutcracker Prince? Why do we have Arabs with scimitars abducting Clara or creep stuffed animal Nutcrackers and mouse queens avenged their dead mouse king husbands or bears rolling around the stage or setting in a circus or cross dressing snowflakes? Can't we just have a simple Christmas story with pretty dancing and TONS of glitter? I mean - that IS why most people go to see it, right? The glitter?

This year

This year I:

Played Tzeitel

Played Iolanthe

Was called striking and statuesque with excellent vocal skills by a prominent casting director

Sang solos in 3 concerts.

Directed a one act for a new theatre company

was a finalist at RADA

Traveled to Sanibel, London, Stratford, DC, Palm Beach, NYC

Talked to Boydy

Talked to Trevor

Met Sierra

Emailed with Trouters

Met some of the most incredible inspirational kind helpful people on the planet

Read some incredible Books (most notably Oryx and Crake and Branagh's autobiography)

Ran/was head of press for a full scale production

Taught Dance classes for adults

Got two pilates certifications which I plan to use in the New Year

Worked as an AFTRA actor on five different t.v. shows.

Lived with four different people. (The current one is AWESOME and I am SO THANKFUL she is here)

Learned how to use a curling iron and hair straightener.

Improved a lot at dance and singing.

Waited patiently at auditions.

Went to some great museums.

Saw some incredible movies - I've truly appreciated film before.

Baked successful pumpkin souffles.

Wrote a lot of transcripts.

Swam really close to a dolphin!

Seen my friends on stage doing remarkable feats of singing/dance/acting.

Got to experience the iPhone 4

And most importantly - got to wear A LOT of GLITTER!:)

2010

It's nearing the end of the year - which leads to a time of bizarre reflection...

I was looking back to my January entries where I made a list of goals and realized - I didn't really do a good job meeting any of them. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I accomplished a lot of things I would have never thought to even write down as goals - and made some pretty crazy discoveries.

Here were my goals:

for 2010 - I want to book a theatre job! Just book it!

O.k. so I didn't book a "job" - but I did book two amazing roles with VLOG that gave me an opportunity to learn and build my resume. I learned what it was like to lead a show, to sing alone with an orchestra - to harmonize - to follow a conductor - and to hold my own with music/theatre majors and that I can. It was much needed "grad school" as Mary says - and I feel so lucky to have had the experiences.

I want to be in the best physical condition of my life thus far.

Oops. Didn't get there. But I did learn a lot about healthy eating versus crazy calorie counting and fad dieting.

I want to acutally make the things I say I want to do come to fruition (youtube video about evil ballet shoe anyone? Showcase for agents?)

Hrmmm - again nope - unless you count my Gossip Girl youtube video. But I DID sing in no less than three concerts and again was in two shows where I did my darndest to get agents to come. I don't think the likelyhood of them coming to a showcase I put together would have been any more likely. I also did a workshop with the agent who casts most of the shows I want to be in and got personal feedback from him. (Striking and statuesque!) So - I wouldnt say that goal wasn't accomplished - but rather accomplished in a different form than I originally imagined. Now - the evil ballet shoe video still needs to come to fruition.

I want to meet my boyfriend.

Er....no.

I want to be more relaxed about "going with the flow" of things

I would say I achieved this. Esp. with Iolanthe. Through Iolanthe I learned that sometimes not getting what you want is really what you want. Also - I learned so much about being relaxed and being o.k. with "messing up" from the other singers in Iolanthe. Our darling Strephon cracked twice on stage - and lived to tell the tale. He was completely unphased and just kept going - that was amazing! I would have been devastated. I'll always be weirdly high strung and emotional - but I think I'm beginning (BEGINNING) to go with the flow a little more and understand sometimes there is an even better plan than the one I laid out for myself.

I want to explore - actually visit the people I say I'm gonna visit - and experience the world more fully. (Evan, Mo...)

-Nope - but I DID go to England - which was amazing! And I DID try and experience New York more fully - going to the museums - taking advantage of free concerts, boat rides, festivals, etc... and being a tourist in my own city. So no I didn't go to Boston - but I DID go to DC TWICE - and definitely experienced my CITY more fully!

I want to read more.

-I joined the book club with Reinking and discovered some INCREDIBLE book! ESPECIALLY - Oryx and Crake!

I want to see more live shows.

-Thanks to some wonderful friends who work at the Met and the Public Theatre - I did see more live shows - FOR FREE! It was incredible! A fabulous year of live theatre! (PLUS all the theatre I saw in London!:))

I want to keep the apartment beautiful - like an adult.

-Oy - the apt! At least now Candace is here - which is WONDERFUL!

I want to become financially independent - (BOOK IT THEATRE JOBS! BOOK IT!)

-Er - no - BUT I did discover two new ways of supplementing income - writing transcripts for Fabrizio - and EXTRA WORK - which has been a really wild wonderful interesting stressful crazy ecclectic experience! I'm hoping for more!:)

I want to be a good friend to those I know and care about, and family member to my family.'

-I think they are a better judge of this than me.

I want to love everything I do, always look on the bright side of life, and search for the ridiculous in everything for I will surely find it.

-Hrmmmmm,,,,,Still working on this one.

It's been a weird year....but I would say - overall - mostly a good one!:)

looking forward to 2011

Now the real entry...

Today I went to Reinking's apt...for a "book club" meeting. We need to pick a new book. We decided on Cloud Atlas which sounds supremely weird to me - but I picked Dorian Grey last time and it was so darned heady an boring no one could get through it. So - Cloud Atlas it is.

Then everyone asked what eachother was up to. Reinking casually said - "Oh I got a show." Everyone: "Oh! What show?" Reinking: (Show I"m not allowed to type because it's still secret.) "It's a limited run Broadway show." Everyone: "Oh wow! Congratulations! Why didn't you tell us!?" My inner monologue: "Dammit! Why can't I even get a stupid piddly regional show. Why can't I even AUDITION for a piddly regional show that is actually CASTING? GAH! this sucks."

Another girl asks: "what about boys." Everyone pipes in their boy stories. I stay silent. What am I supposed to say? er....this year - I've been on a date with TWO different pirates this year, guy who left to make out with another girl on the porch, and a boy who stood me up at the opera? And propositioned by a boy with a girlfriend, an obese 70 year old creepy conductor, a "knight" from the Renaissance festival Running Wilde shoot, and a trashed real estate agent? Yay, boys are awesome?

But this year is going to be better. This year I am going to get an awesome paying theatre job. I have to. I can sing! I can dance! I can act! Often all at the same time! I work super hard and have gotten so much better at picking up choreography and dance styles quickly! I actually GO to auditions (unlike --- oddly - most of my friends...hence the need for an audition buddy.) It's gonna happen. It's my time! It's now! I feel it in my bones! I am ready willing (eager even!) and able! Even Reinking, who is quick to cut me down, when I said something about how she was a more "trained" singer than I am - said "I wouldn't say that." And I've been taking very scary jazz classes with scary teachers (ACTUALLY scary teachers who kick people out and move them to the back) and they move me towards the front and actually give me the time of day! And Nancy my ballet teacher said I've made extraordinary strides forward. And I'm actually having fun and being relaxed in auditions! I know I'm ready! It's my time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm gonna move in March. I have to. Be it with Cara and Kat - or Emily - or Brian or heck - I just get a place by myself - or get a place then craigslist or something - and it will be a beautiful wonderful happy healthy home where I feel comfortable and peaceful and can sleeeeeeeeeep when I want to sleep - not when the neighbors allow me. And it will be amazing!

I'm very excited for what 2011 will contain! I hope it is full of success happiness and prosperity of all kinds!

BROWNIES! EVERYWHERE!

I got my hair cut again today. I didn't mean to - I just meant to get a bang trim, but I was so unhappy with the way my last haircut turned out, I decided to try a new hairstylist - kinda. My hair colorist switched salons so she can now CUT hair too - so I went to her for the bang trim - and we decided my hair was in disgusting shape and needed surgery right away! (The last time it wasn't actually CUT - just thinned or something - all of the ends were dead and gross and split and it all just hung in one super long lump of grossness.) So - the new cutter/oldcolorist -worked MAGIC on it - and it is now healthy and happy and moves and I am just thrilled and feel extremely pretty despite the mass quantities of brownies I ate courtesy of Reinking. (She's trying to fatten me up!)

I have completed my newest 12 Days of Christmas Parody youtube video - a GOSSIP GIRL version. it's horrible - because Candace only had time to record it once - and Kat and I had originally decided to sing it at a duet - but Kat decided she just wasn't warmed up enough or something so I sang it solo - and in the middle (on number 9 actually) Kat made me laugh - so the entire number 9 is me fighting to no crack up. We also NEVER ran through it or rehearsed - so there are some interesting notes - but hey - no one is credited - no one has to know it's me - and it's funny and fun! Even if it's directly production - I like to experiment with various creative outlets.

Also met with Director of Iolanthe to discuss possibly living together! EEEE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! That would be SO RIDICULOUSLY LOVELY! I hope we can make it work!

Fat?

I would like to take a moment to discuss Jennie, a beautiful gorgeous woman I take ballet class with. Jennie is a principle dancer with NYCB and recently danced the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy in their Nutcracker. The NYTimes critic commented that she had eaten "one sugar plum too many" and that her partner looked as though he had sampled every sweet in the kingdom. There was huge public outcry that critics shouldn't comment on a dancer's weight - and it might lead to eating disorders, esp. since Jennie has been very open about over coming anorexia herself. People point toward the new movie the Black Swan where Natalie Portman lost 20 pounds to "accurately portray the role," and one newspaper commented that Jennie is the thicker version of Natalie Portman in the movie.

To begin with - The Black Swan is in NO WAY an accurate portrayal of what ballet is like. To begin with - the second scene when the choreographer enters during a ballet class and starts talking about the plot of Swan Lake - that would NEVER happen. Choreographers don't come in and announce their artistic ideas during a technique class. But more to the point (haha - no pun intended), I know of ONE ballet dancer currently suffering from anorexia and about 20 musical theatre dancers who do. The ballet dancers I know are the most kind supportive wonderful down to earth and intelligent people - it's the musical theatre who are the crazies. And I have NEVER had a teacher or HEARD of a ballet teacher who ACTUALLY told a student to lose weight or stop eating. I'm sure it happens, but it is not the norm, it is the exception. Black Swan - stop putting inaccurate thoughts into people's heads! People - Black Swan is a FICTIONAL MOVIE - in NO WAY based on real events or people. AND - Natalie Portman is smaller than most people people (including young children) on the planet when she's HEALTHY - and she can't live like she did to portray AN ANOREXIC CRAZY DANCER in the movie - as soon as it was over she immediately gained the weight and ate carbs again.!

More to the point - and what NO ONE seems to be pointing out - Jennie Ringer and her partner are in NO WAY fat, heavy, plump, thick, "womanly," "curvy," or any other words that would describe anything except SKINNY! I stand across the room from Jennie in ballet class and I can see her abs through her leotard. Today I kept staring at her like a rude person, and was amazed I could also she the front of her hip bones pointing out through her SWEAT PANTS. I'm not sure I can live in a world where that is considered "plump" by a critic of an established newspaper. All of this media attention is asking does ballet put too much pressure on it's dancers to be skinny. The NYCB thinks Jennie is just fine - it's the same paper that tries to stop anorexia that is projecting a completely unrealistic image onto real life dancers. Natalie Portman's character is not real - and Natalie's bones are tinier than twigs! Jennie Ringer IS SKINNY! VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY skinny! I'm sure some anorexics use her for "thinspiration." I don't know what to do to change the world - but we have gotten a very sick idea of a what "skinny" is if it isn't Jennie. And if Jennie isn't skinny - I need to go on the biggest looser ASAP! And the Biggest Loser contestants should just be shipped off somewhere since they obviously don't deserve to be in this society where Jennie is an unacceptable Sugar Plum. I know - I would be THRILLED to be as skinny as her, and it worries me NO ONE else seems to have pointed this out. The simple fact - she is skinny and her partner is ripped and muscley. He is basically an anatomy book in white tights.

I also met a girl at an audition who claimed to be a size 14 - 5'9 size 14 - but beautifully porportioned. (She looked smaller than a 14 to me to be honest.) She was telling me that she does plus sized modelling and anything size 8 or higher is considered plus size - no matter what your height. OMG - that is sick! Size 8? Plus size? Why can't our society get a grip? I mean - granted - I sit around and complain about "how fat" I am - and why Tyler was sitting on the sofa in his underwear - fat - whereas with JP it was somehow o.k. because he was fit. But that being said - JP is fit - and Tyler was fat - but size 8 is NOT plus size (size 8 is one size bigger than me!) and Jennie Ringer is ballerina thin. As a society - we need a reality check ASAP!

telephone

PS - I can't wait until my phone rings - and it's a JOB! EEE! I'm so excited just thinking about it! THIS is going to be the year! I can feel it! (NOW KNOCK ON A LOT OF WOOD!:))

baby it's cold outside.

What a crazy week so far! It's only Tuesday and I'm about to collapse from exhaustion!

Got 80% of my x-mas shopping done. My brother is proving to be problematic.

Tyler is gone tomorrow! He's been freaking out all day because Candace moved her stuff IN. He's known she was going to move her stuff in on this day for two weeks. He even said "If I can get out of the month early, she can bring her stuff in as soon as she wants." So - here he is - asking me to get out of a month's lease, with the knowledge that Candace would be moving her stuff in today - the day before he moves out. At midnight last night - he started freaking out about how she couldn't move her stuff in - especially not her bed! (He has this WEIRD aversion to beds. I am SO confused. I guess it could be a bed bug thing??? But he was freaking out it.) He wouldn't let her put ANY of her stuff in his/her room - so most of it is currently in my room until tomorrow. I am SO confused why he decided to flip at the last minute. It's one freaking night. I cleaned his poop off the toilet - and took out six bags of trash he had left sitting on the chairs in the living room - he can deal with Candace's suitcases.

It's freaking cold outside. I spend 8 a.m. - 1 p.m. running between audition buildings. (I WAS SEEN FOR AN AUDITION! WOOOHOOOO!) Sure am glad I warmed up my voice this morning! (I thought the singing audition was hopeless - but did it just in case) - and got to practice yesterday.

The afternoon was spent moving Candace's things.

And the night was spent watching my friend's cabaret and eating a sinful Italian dinner with cabaret friend and another friend -all from FIDDLER. It was delicious.

Now I need to sleep. Dentist tomorrow. Joy.

Acting Class

I decided to brave an acting class today - HIGHLY recommended by a very reliable friend named Alena. I've had bad experiences with acting classes past - but was told this is the best class in the WORLD! Wow! In the WORLD!? I have got to try this! AAAAAND - it's only $30! WoWzA!

Well - I get there and the teacher is an uncannily peppy skinny flaming gay man who has chosen a room wedged between two opera singers practicing the dolls song from Les Contes D'Hoffman - Les Ouiseaux dans la Charmille" - why BOTH opera singers were practicing this is beyond me - it is a ridiculously difficult UBER high soprano aria (Actually it has "optional" notes that are high than I can sing - and actually higher than THESE girls could sing as the other acting student continually pointed out - but I'm proud to say our Phyllis in IOLANTHE can easily sing!) and a hip hop class BLASTING their hip hop music - which made for an extremely strange atmosphere to begin with.

The teacher handed us all "sides" to read - and he looked at me and said I have a GREAT side for you - and handed me something from THE WEST WING - where the character I was to read wasn't taken seriously in Washington because she used to play Snow White at Epcot Center. Wow. This guy must be psyhic I thought! So far - GREAT start! There is hope. He gives us 20 minutes to "memorize" the scene. (We'll get back to memorizing - but I actually memorize my scene - because I was told to.)

So he stands up and starts talking about how we have to stop doubting ourself and behave as though the scene were really happening - and quoting all of these famous actors who say that acting is easy and just getting rid of all the masks we put on to create a scene the way we think it should be done - instead of just experiencing it first hand. And how we need to say these affirmations like - it's o.k. to totally suck and forget all the lines - as long as we are HONEST!

So he asks the first girl to go up and he starts reading her scene with her - now there is no doubt he is a fabulous actor - I was unaware he was even reading lines at first. BUt he told the girl reading that she was making "too many choices" and not allowing the words to be organic - and worrying too much about remembering the line - so he just starts talking to her about random stuff - then starts the scene. I'm actually not sure it made her better. Then the next person comes up - pretty much the same exact thing. Pretty much the same until one girl got up and he started telling her she was too nice - and she had to think of something traumatizing in her - and she couldnt think of anything traumatizing - and he told her she would never get anywhere if she was nice - and no one would want to sit with her at the lunch table because she was too eager to please everyone. (WHAT? What lunch table!?) And she started to cry and then he said - your times up - sit down! Wow - harsh... Next few people got up - it was very similar to the first.

Then my turn came. And apparently I was making too many choices and putting on a character of how I think a girl who used to be a Disney Princess would act like. (Ummmmm? Really? ) and then started to ask me about my traumatizing past and how my parents obviously abused me or I'm still haunted by mean middle school teachers or what a kid told me in elementary school - and I was like - ummmm - no - I'm o.k. with all that stuff - so then he asked me to describe the stupidest thing a teacher ever made me do - and said "read Beloved" which made everyone laugh - and he said I was now "trying to entertain the class and to stop" - so I started mumbling and made something up about my tormented past which he said was better and more honest - he then told me while it was very impressive I was word perfect - I should have paraphrased more. WHAT? Why would I paraphrase when I memorized the words? He -then said we were out of time - and I said "But I don't understand..." and he said - "we're out of time read my book."

WHAT? Read his BOOK? I was only doing good acting the one time I was lying about my troubled past which wasn't troubled? This is so messed up! I mean - YES - I obviously WAS acting then - but he point was that I wasn't acting and finally telling the truth. DUDE! What is WRONG WITH YOU!? And WHY do I have to have a messed up past to be able to act. And why must this messed up past come from my parents or elementary/middle school? The most messed up parts of my life were two years ago...and if you want me to cry - you best talk about my dog. '

And by the way - girls who want to be Disney princesses - act like me - unless of course - you mean the ones who are dependent on finding their prince for happiness. But even them - I think they just want a man - not to specifically be a Disney Princess.

GAH! MARY COME BACK! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

DISNEY DON'T CRUSH MY DREAMS!

ALRIGHT DISNEY! I don't know WHAT you're playing at here! But to stop making FAIRY TALES! WHAT!? THIS must be a sign of the apocalypse!

I know you want to appeal to boys - but you need to appeal to GIRLS too! I mean - I have ZERO interest in seeing CARS2. I haven't seen Toy Story 2 or 3 and really didn't enjoy Toy Story 1. I didn't even buy that silly you got a friend song...

I know you think that the box office failure of the Princess and the Frog is a sign that no one wants to see Princess Stories - but did you ever stop and think - THATS BECAUSE THE FILM WAS SUBPAR? I mean - honestly, all of the advances in animation sing Disney introduced Oswald Rabbit were completely ignored! The character lacked physical weight and gravity, the character were stereotypical (really? I black girl whose goal in life is to make GUMBO?), the plot was odd, and the girl only got her "dream" (to make gumbo) AFTER she decided to give it up and be with her man. Oh yeah --- and I can't find a SINGLE PERSON who can hum me ONE line from ANY of the songs in the entire movie. Isn't that what Disney does? Gives you a musical hook? I was actually sad I spent money on it. BUT TANGLED! You were back on your GAME in TANGLED! Everything about it was simply BRILLIANT - even though I had to wear to those silly 3-D glasses. And notice - the box office numbers are actually RISING - because people go to see it and say - WOW! That movie was INCREDIBLE! Let me tell my friends! Beautiful ground breaking animation, relatable multidimensional character, hysterical "gags," (of which good old Walt would have been exceedingly proud!), beautiful music, great plot! I mean - make films like THAT - people will COME! Make films like Princess and the Frog - they won't.

Oh - and for everyone who says Princesses teach girls to be superficial and depend on boys...I would just like to say - I want to be a Disney Princess - but my long suffering mum has to basically fight to get me to wear cloths that look nice over being "comfortable" and I CERTAINLY don't depend on my "prince" to bring me happiness - and I am perfectly career oriented - and have not given it up to seek my prince - or do my hair...the princesses are all the odd-balls who are kind and generous and work really hard to get their dreams! O.k. their dreams might be to GET a prince - but let's give girls a little credit - and assume they can use the prince as an allegory for whatever they want. And to know they will undergo trials and tribulations but if they handle them with grace and poise and courage - they will get a glittery fairytale ending!

And if nothing else - give a wonderful beautiful place to ESCAPE to - not like BLACK SWAN which presetn this bizarre horrific world of self mutilation and sexual molestation - I don't want to pay to see someone's evil mirror twin ruing their life. I want to see that goals can be achieved without going absolutely psycho and stabbing myself with a giant piece of glass from a smashed mirror and imagining scary lesbian sex with my arch nemesis. I want to see a girl who has guts and courage and drive and dignity and smarts and isn't afraid of glitter!

DISNEY DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That being said - in an attempt to reach my career goals - I had a very frustrating morning running from audition to audition and not getting seen...BOOOOOO SINGER CALLS! But then one of my dance teacher put on his facebook that he was running the dance call for a regional theatre, so - I realized I had my leotard from yesterday in my bag, and hopped on over to be very smelly at a dance call. I actually had FUN at the audition - probably the first time in my life I had fun at an audition. I was just being silly - he said to find out "inner man" for the first half then ballerina princess for the second half - and I dug right down to the bottom of my soul to find my inner man - and boy did I find it - I even have lovely purple bruises on my thighs from it - and then could just show off for the Princessy Ballet part - oh look! You want me to SLOOOOOOWLY extend my leg in the air while doing pretty mermaid arms! Alright - if I must. Then - the director asked who sang - and all the girls got really timid and I LEPT up and said I REALLLLLLLLY sing! And the choreographer/my dance teacher vouched for it and said I was soprano and asked me what my top note was - and I gleefully said an E above High C. He started laughing because I was apparently being WAY too enthusiastic (BUT HEY - THEY weren't HEARING us sing - I figured if anything my confidence would be my backer!) Sadly - I don't think they are actually hiring non-equity. The theatre homepage has EQUITY ONLY all over it - and they hire noneq locally on a show by show basis - and they didn't even hear us sing! No one is going to cast anyone without hearing them sing. And the director gave us a very solemn speech about how we need to not be afraid to go to singer calls because that's where he casts - (At which point I nearly beat him up ! IF YOU WANT ME TO SING I WILL SING! SOMEONE ONLY MADE THEIR SINGER CALL AN HOUR AND A HALF SO GUESS WHO DIDNT GET TO SING! ILL SING NOW! I DONT EVEN NEED AN ACCOMPANIST! JUST LET ME DO IT!) - and then he started talking about how most us probably don't audition for directors - and I was just confused. But at least the choreographer knows I can sing - so well - who knows. It was super fun! A good warm up for the audition season to come!

(not so) Mature Ways to Deal with your crappy roommate

After locking myself in my room and crying after I got up to go to the bathroom - only to return and find all my stuff moved - the sofa completley taken over - the t.v. blasting (I had been watching Gossip Girl on my computer - which was on the table in front on the sofa - I didn't get to see it last night because I was at the opera) and a naked roommate with a Homer Simpson physique chowing down a box of donuts - I decided I should practice some really hard opera arias I have yet to learn. For the first time since he tornado-ed the place (I've completely given up attempting to clean - I now know how my long suffering mum feels during my trips home) he got uneasy and finally asked "Audition." And I said -no just need to practice - it never hurts to learn an aria - these are especially hard and I don't know them yet. I believe my point was made. Next time - I'm gonna go into the living and insist on using the key board to work on the particularly difficult "half steps" and high Ds. Want to make sure I'm not going flat you know.

Also - since he has a plan to not get off the sofa for the next two days --- I asked to do extra work shifts so I'm out of the apt., endear myself to my bosses, and don't commit homicide. Of course coming home to a drain full of ramen noodles and carrots and a toilet covered in piss - well - I've yet to figure out a not so mature way of dealing with that. I've actually SPOKEN to him about it - but alas --- I guess he likes his pee - white toilets are SOOOOO faux-pas.

trash

I can't wait for Tyler to move out - even if it F-s me over financially - eating Ramen is probably better than my desire to use my battle axe every single moment I'm home....

BTW - you cant sit on any of the chairs in the living room because they LITERALLY have trash bags on all of them. WTF? I am messy - VERY messy - but this is just gross and ridiculous. I dread being home - and think I was dying of trash fumes while practicing my voice today. BOOOO friends who recommended him. NOT a win.

What IS a win is Deborah Voigt's voice! Swooooon!

Music

I love music so much. Not the crappy stuff my neighborhood thinks is music - but REAL music that conveys a true emotion - a truth - a story. Normally I reserve "real" music the classical realm - opera and classical music and classical musical theatre - but every now and then you find a contemporary artist who makes glorious music as well. She's been on the scene for ten years - but I just discovered Mandy Moore. Of course - it was Disney that brought me to her. She is the voice of RAPUNZEL in the newest animated featured film TANGLED. (RACE to the theatre to see it now, it's glorious! She may have usurped Jasmine as my second favorite princess!) The vocal nuances she brings to the songs in TANGLED are unlike any I have heard before. Complete vocal freedom - so expressive and haunting and exuberant! So I downloaded some of her actual music - and it is equally as amazing! She is sort of like a modern peppier Joni Mitchell. Needless to say - I have found my "pop" singer whose music I want to work on! There is so much to learn from her! I'm very excited to embark on my first WILLING pop vocal adventure.

And - inspired by Mandy Moore - I have decided I need to make a demo c.d. and send it to EVERY power that be at Disney - so I can be a Disney Princess. Or at least - the sidekick raccoon or something! lol.

THE MASTER CLASS is coming to Broadway - they want actress who can sing in the operatic repertoire. I submitted - I doubt I'll get an audition since they said "equity only." I just didn't tell them I'm not equity - just submitted. We'll see. If I get an audition - I'll have to sing this ridiculously hard sounding Bel Canto aria from Lucia de Lammermoor. Candace promises she can help. (WHY IS MARY IN ITALY! COME BACK!)

I just wish I sit around and study music all day! There is SO much to learn! A friend today told me about a free on-line course in ear training - which I will have to do - since - I am really weak at that. Apparently to do Church gigs and the like (Which PAY) you need to be able to sight read and harmonize - I can't sightread and am really poor at harmonizing - but ear training helps with that - and Candace helps with that - so HOPEFULLY! We shall see what happens

I just love MUSIC!:)

Theodore Roosevelt

Yesterday, I went to Barnes and Noble to look for a new book to read on the subway. Sadly, my most frequented Barnes and Nobles will be turned into a Century 21 in the New year (think low class Loehmann's...) so they have ceased to restock. The book I was seeking was not there, so Kat and I wandered around looking at other books. I actually got a BASKET because all the books were discounted and I was getting classics fro $2-$4 - I couldn't help it! As I reached the check out with about 7 books totalling $16...I passed a display that had a HUGE gorgeous Franco Zefferelli opera/screen table book on it. (Zefferelli directed MY favorite movie version of Romeo and Juliet.) So I opened it and drooled and put it back as it was not $2. Then just below I noticed "COLONEL ROOSEVELT" by Edmund Morris with two stickers on it - "30% off" and "Autographed copy." I started totally freaking out and Kat thought I had been possessed by some crazy book demon. I couldn't explain why this was so monumental.

Back in my summer of dreams in Stratford - JLF told me to read two behemoth books about Theodore Roosevelt - "The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt" and "Theodore Rex." He told me they were part of a triology, but the author, Edmund Morris, has stopped writing it for another writing pursuit(s) - one of which was the extremely controversial "Dutch," about Ronald Reagan. So I painstakingly read the first two, and periodically checked for the third book to come out - but soon lost hope (and perhaps interest) and totally forgot about it. Until - yesterday - at B&N. It turns out it came out November 23rd, and I apparently missed the author signing copies. That being said - I GOT an autographed copy, e-mailed JLF to tell him, and am currently reading about Teddy's post-presidential pursuits in Africa. Wooohoo!

And no one understands --- why I care...

blahhhhhhhh

Sometimes you sick on vacation.:-(

And sometimes --- your ex-roommate moves all of his stuff out when you arent there - even though ask him not to - and the current roommate doesn't answer any of your attempts at contact until AFTER the ex-roommate moved his crap out. The communication is only to complain and tell you they are moving out because theex-roommate left the place looking like a "tornado" ran through it.

I don't like people sometimes.

GLITTER!:)

BLAH! I made it down to the final group for an "immediate replacement" of Miss Mimi in Angelina Ballerina. GAH! I WANT MY PHONE TO RING WITH GOOD NEWS SO BADLY! I walk past the theatre every day (It's directly across the street from GROM gelato) and I always think - some lucky non-equity person gets be in that show. I want it to be me! Come on phone! RING!

Oh yes - AND - IOLANTHE opens today! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And - I think I'm having an allergic reaction to the glitter. BOOOOOOOOOO!

It's all bitter sweet and nervewracking! I love the IOLANTHE cast so much - and I love doing the show! I'm excited to share it with an audience:-) - but sad it's almost over.:-( I felt like I was at the RSC again - a home full of intelligent talented funny fun people! I hope the audience enjoys it as much as I have up to this point! We will definitely be SPARKLY!:)

Candace

Candace is awesome - she comes over and plays piano for me when I am in desperate need and gives me free vocal coaching - I DID buy her lunch today - she got me to do what no one else has been able to do! FIVE PART HARMONY WHERE I'M NOT THE SOPRANO! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I repeat - Candace is awesome. And that is all for now...

Thinking you're fabulous

Sometimes it's really hard to have self confidence....not because you think you suck - but because there are so many other wonderfully talented people out there...

I have an appointment for Angelina Ballerina - which I an incredibly excited about - but I am weird and always like to stalk to the performers I am replacing....there are so many WONDERFUL girls in that cast - girls who sing far better than I (or with more trainging) who dance just as well if not better - and TAP - and have blonde curly bouncing hair! So you walk around thinking you're pretty awesome - being the ballet dancing opera singing beauty - and then - BAM! You realize you are one of a hundred....or a thousand....and you suddenly feel very very very small...except you realize you have been having a little too much Stratford-esque fun with your IOLANTHE cast - and maybe ate one too many burgers this week...and welll - the small feeling goes away into a ---- big (in the wrong way) feeling. But - hey - I LOVE MY CAST! AND they go to PUBS! so - I'm not sorry for it!

I was outed - by the way - as the other person they were considering to directing IOLANTHE. (FORTUANTELY NOT to the director - but to the music director who I made swear not to tell!) The set designer told her! And I was like SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH! THAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE TOLD TO OUR CREATIVE TEAM!

Sadly - I think I'm getting a little too angsty and director like regarding the press aspects of the show - and everyone is getting suspicious and keeps asking me "wow - have you ever produced a show before? You really know what you're doing." EEEEK! I hope that doens't mean I'm being evil and tyrannical!

I still want a corgi.

chocolates

For some reason - it doesn't feel as though the holidays are upon us...I don't know if it's the temperature or lack of early Christmas peraphanalia in the stores - or the fact there don't seem to be any good holiday movies coming out with incessant previews...or maybe I'm scrooged out -

Part of me does feel rather scrooged out - the good news is - I'm working on vanquishing that part...looking for new places to live - talking to people who might want to live with me that I might want to live with - (I don't think the subletter guy is the one of my dreams. While so sweet - my goodness KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS MAKES YOU DUMBER! DO NOT WATCH FREAKING MARATHONS OF IT!) Sigh...I know we need to have a house meeting, about stupid things like...my spot on the sofa - and the damn Kardashians. The truth of the matter is, I really miss JP - living with someone who knew me so well and who I knew so well - and all the things like my spot on the sofa just...weren't even an issue. I miss the enlivened conversation that we would have while he was here - and the glorious music - the constant live opera and classical music...glorious...not....stupid pop music or GLEE covers of Pop music. I just feel very...resigned...

But the show opens in a week and a day - I don't know if I'm excited or horrified - I'm definitely going to miss the rehearsing because I just love the cast so much! I hope the audience loves the show. Sometimes, if the cast loves the show too much, the audience...doesn't get it. I remember that from the RSC...the shows the casts were often most proud of were the ones that weren't at gloriously critically received. But can you really go wrong with sparkly fairies?

I was holding a hat random for the past ten days. One of JP's friends left his hat here - and I was holding it ransom. I returned the hat today, and he gave me an assortment of Jacques Torres chocolates. To be honest, it's the first time a boy has ever bought me chocolates. I don't think it was meant to be romantic...more just silly...but - I've been wistfully thinking about Blair Waldorf - and I had a lovely imaginary Blair moment. He also mentioned that he was singing with the NY Philharmonic tonight, and it turns out in the same show that our IOLANTHE Fairy Queen is singing in. They are in the same chorus. It may seem silly, but I know hat guy has worked with major opera companies and won many opera competitions, and to know he was singing in the same chorus as the girl I am acting with in IOLANTHE made me feel proud - and somewhat hopeful...

I'm going to need to take a music theory course or something, because it's killing me. The inability to read music and to easily hold a part that isn't a soprano melody....I am so lucky that people think I have trained, but they get frustrated and forget I HAVENT and don't understand why I dont speak whatever strange language they are talking to me in. Maybe that will be a goal for when IOLANTHE is over, whilst I"m waiting for that LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY card to come through!

On a horrifying side note --- do we think Bristol Palin's continuation on Dancing with the Stars is a reflection on the Tea Party and crazy right wingers - who probably set up call banks for her? I refuse to watch until she off - which is VERY difficult because its the only thing remotely entertaining on t.v. before Gossip Girl on Mondays....

And on a delicious side note, Kat and I decided I need to marry the owners of GROM. Now - until this afternoon - neither of us knew who they were or what they looked like. The scoopers at Grom always said they have never met Mr. Grom (for whom the gelateria is named) - so we imagined Mr. Grom and his business partner were two fat old men - probably gay -

OH NO MY FRIENDS!. MR. GROM and his business partner are young (32 and 35) HOT passionate Italian gelato geniuses AND MOSCATO D'ASTI BREWERS! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? Now I feel I must go to Italy and find Mr. Grom and marry him! At least write a letter telling him of my affections...but first I should maybe....I don't know...learn Italian!? (Which would help with the music theory too.) OH MR. GROM! BE PRINCE CHARMING!

strange

As part of the press for IOLANTHE - we are trying to put together a 75th anniversary of the company video. To give you an example of how ---- inefficient this company is...

They have a "historian." The historian has all the archived photos. I asked the historian is she could pick out a few of her favorite production photos from each show, that would illustrate the high production values of the company, and bring the to me Tuesday during rehearsal. This seems like a really easy task to me.

I have recieved eight e-mails today alone asking questions about this task. "Does the 30th anniversary of the company's party count as a production photo that shows the production value of the company's shows." Me - NO. Them How about our trip to Longon. Me - No. Them - how about an article talking about how such and such an actor is a pillar of strength "me - no - photos." them - how about a playbill - me no photos. Them - do you want 3 - or 4 photos from each production. Me: doesn't matter - send along what you think will work. them: what if my favorites wouldnt be the same as your favorites me: Your favorites will be fine. Them: I can't do this because another person has the photos fomr 1990-2003- and how will you get these hard copies onto a computer me: I know - i already talked to the person with 1990-2003 photos - they are sending them to me - we have a scanner - to get the photos on-line them: are you sure you don't want this newspaper article or pictures of our 30th anniversary party. We are also baking a large cake for the 75th anniversary - do you want a picture of that. Me: just production photos.

WHAT? HOW IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?

OH! and the historian has an assistant - who also is e-mailing me with questions. Are you sure - this is about 70 photos. Me: Yes - we won't include all of them if the video is too long.

GAH!

They also tried to make me buy a $15 t-shirt that says "I believe in fairies." I told them I don't have $15 to be spending on a t-shirt that says I believe in fairies - they said - but it will show your support of the show - me: I know, but i's still $15 I could spend on food - or I dunno ANYTHING ELSE - for Pete's sake - everyone knows I believe in fairies I don't need to advertise it with an ugly t-shirt. My very existence I think seems to ring out I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES! I used to hurl glitter on innocent passerby-s in high school - heck - I still wear glitter and own three pairs of fairy wings!

We also have a lawyer in the cast who is terrified that one of our publicity campaigns will clue the people she is suing into her emberassing hobby of singing Gilbert and Sullivan - and no one will respect her anymore - so she gets final look at everything. I mean - at the end of the day - she is still going to be on stage singing G&S - and her name is in the cast list - if someone really wanted to find out about it - they easily could...It just all seems very strange to me.

Then again I am on drugs - so ---- maybe it's the liquid z-pac.

Who knows.

Living with others

I havent REALLLLLLY had a roommate in - probably a year...my past few roommates were hardly ever home...now I have a roommate who seems lovely (he's a flamboyant gay man - I love gay men - I probably secretly AM a gay man) - but it's still strange - having someone who wants to watch the Kardashians when I want to watch Wizards of Waverly Place. Someone sitting on my spot on the sofa. And I can't start off our roommatedom saying ummm - excuse me - that's MYYYYY spot - and btw - Wizards of Waverly Place is on! (Mainly because I CANT FREAKING TALK! But - also - you know ---- manners!) So it will take some getting used to. When I can talk - we may even become friends!:) (He wasnt really understanding "vocal rest can't talk" so I went into my room for the evening. Really - I was so bad - they sent me home from work 30 minutes early. That is actually really unheard of. They knew something was up when I had the little mermaid playing and I wasnt singing along. They were like - WHOAH - she really IS sick! GO HOME!)

Better now than in two weeks! (touch wood.)

weird day

Yesterday was a very strange. I was in a horrible mood for most of it because I was sick:-( and had a seven hour rehearsal where I had to sing and talk - and I could hardly stand - or talk - and had to stop my song to cough up flem and start over again - and then lost it at the musical director who started giving me a voice lesson in the middle of the run during my aria where I had to stop to hack up flem and start over again - this is VERY MUCH A NONO - you give MUSIC DIRECTION during a MUSIC REHEARSAL and NOT during a run - like - you don't go onto the court during a basketball scrimmage if you are a coach and do a do a dribbling drill - that is for PRACTICE.

BUT - I also got a trip to Paris from Cara (She was going by herself - didn't want to go alone - asked me and I said - I'm not paying for a trip to Paris - so she said she would pay...WHAT?) and a stuffed animal corgi from Casey. Er....Christmas early? I'm confused........and happy - but confusedly happy - not really sure what I did to deserve it...throwing hissy fits at your music director doesn't usually constitute reward - even if the MD is in the wrong.

another tip for boys...

Awful boy blog number 50000.

If you're a boy and you go off on a tangent about how you want to live to be a hundred and really LIVE every day with passion! And I ask you what that means...smoking pot, drinking a beer, not being afraid to ask a girl out, and not going to Church, is kinda a lame answer....

Mumblings and meanderings...

Places...

New York is very big - but also very small. I often feel that every Autumn I visit the same places but under different circumstances. For instance, The Palisades. The Palisades are technically in New Jersey - not NYC - they are just across the GW bridge. It's a relatively easy walk from my apt. actually. The first time I went there was with Evan. We went "hunting turkeys." He had gone a week or so prior and seen a wild turkey (in addition to deer and bunnies and normal woodland creatures, but the one that caught my attention was a turkey.) I wanted to go and begged him to take me. So we went - and saw very little wildlife at all. But it was beautiful - and wooded - and I thought I had to go again.

The next time I went, was with the Batman - in the middle of the night - looking for ghosts. I'm odd and actually enjoy woods at night, and Palisades held a special fairytale wonder with the stars and the moon - and the deer you could only see with a sweep of your flashlight. It was also much more Snow White lost in the woods running from the huntsman - because the tangle of branches which are so mystical in the light are guised and haunted in the dark. There is an element of danger and excitement versus the placid trailed that are illuminated by day.

The next time I went was with Kat - an avid hiker - who wanted to get out of the city. We went at Twilight - once again hoping to hunt turkeys. All of the paths which held so much mystique and tension now were athletic hiking trails to briskly conquer in hunt of wildlife and a bit of manifest destiny - how far could we go before it got dark. We saw no turkeys - but we did see about 20 deer and lot bunnies and birds and BRILLIANT fall foliage. Golden fiery hues - incandescent colors dancing about in the sky - and crunching beneath our feet. It was very memorable for a girl who grew up in Florida without the joy of leaves. Being completely engulfed in them - as opposed to detachedly acknowledging them from a sidewalk or street - was magical.

This year I went with Kat again. We were both somewhat morose over the JP situation, but thought some turkey sightings might do a body good. The leaves are turning late this year, they were much greener than last year. Still, our mood picked up considerably once at one with nature. This time instead of hiking - we more played about in what leaves there were and sang silly songs - and debated what would happen during that evenings gossip girl. A complete fluff of a day - but much needed.

But it's funny how I see the same trails - but sometimes they make me cry- and sometimes they make me goofy - and sometimes they make me strong...the same place - but seen through different eyes I suppose. Just makes me you think...or not...lol.

bye bye JP

It makes me incredibly sad that JP is moving out to live with his girlfriend of 1 month. I can't really articulate why. In many ways - it feels like I'm losing my best friend. Well - he has never been my "best" friend - but he has been a very close friend - and since my birthday - he has been acting very strange - to me - to Kat - to everyone --- and it saddens me...because it's never nice to lose someone you care about...and a little insulting - the way he was doing it...oh well - I suppose I'll be better off without him.

The good news is I *believe* the new subletter will be cool. I have high hopes.

I think this is all mixed with a bunch of things. Two horrible dates. (Oh - to ADD to my list of things NOT to do boys...don't SUGGEST we go to the Met Art Museum - then RACE through the entirety of BOTH modern art wings (COMPLETE WITH VAN GOGHS I MIGHT ADD!) - the 19th century European wing - and EGYPT wing - in UNDER 40 minutes - then proclaim "Don't you wish your squiggles were worth millions of dollars." I think a little bit of my soul died right there. It then continued to suffer as I was told that mummies don't contain dead people. (I'm sorry - WHAT is a mummy if it doesn't have a dead person in it!?)

And DON'T be perfectly amazing and say we should do this again when are you free - and when the girls says - Oh - I have two house seats to the Opera on Saturday - do you want to go - and you say yes - ignore her follow-up e-mails and text. At least say NO - so she can give the ticket to someone else. Fortuantely - Miss Danielle stepped in and was a MARVELOUS last minute date - and we got to experience the delicious Anvil Chorus of Il Trovatore! (Which I've since downloaded and can't stop listening to.)

It's so tempting to just say screw it to everything and run off and be an opera singer. I've never gotten so much positive feedback on anything - and I love it! And it would be so freeing to be as fat as I wanted and have it not matter. The Met is the one place that still holds magic for me. I live/work/laugh/cry/wine/dine with Broadway people and Ballerinas...but the opera is untainted. It still glistens when I look at it - and every now and then - I get dressed up for it! (As I did with Danielle and Saturday! We even treated ourselves to chichi crabcakes beforehand!)

Sigh ----- dreams.....

Envying Queen Elizabeth II

I know it's a ridiculous notion - but I often feel the world would be a better place if I had a corgi to come home too. In reality - I'd have to walk and feed the corgi and take it to the vet. But in my mind - I just have a corgi that would be cute and tug on a towel with me and let me twirl it and happiness would abound throughout the land! Instead, I have to live vicariously through corgi journals and accosting corgis I see on the street. Ah well - it's fun to dream!:)

tearing my hair out!

JP ====== I kinda hate right now.

For so many reasons.

My apartment - I hate even more.

I am - SOOOOO FRUSTRATED! I don't know how to proceed - and I just want to throw things at a wall and scream and cry - but I don't think Austin would appreciate me doing that in his apt.

But IOLANTHE is going well. And I apparently had a FABULOUS dance class on Monday - so said my teacher. I just want to put housing crap behind me for more than a few months! GAH!

THE CIDER MILL OF HAPPINESS!:)

Today was an incredible day!

I've been yearning to go to a cider mill all October, but no one could commit to a day, etc, etc, etc...

But today a guy, David, from IOLANTHE, rented a car and told the director and I he was taking us to a cider mill! So we went and had a MOST MARVELOUS time! Great conversation ranging from Kant to Boys to Shakespeare to name etymology to funny backstage stories of the Met, to everything in between. It was lovely! And the Cider Mill was perfectly hokey and fun! A corn maze that was actually quite challenged and four other mazes - all fun! There was a pumpkin slingshot where we shot pumpkins from a medieval siege device and tried to get it into a barrel - none of us succeeded but it was super fun, a tractor ride through beautiful fall foliage and we got to pick out our own pumpkin at the end - and we got a cider donut at the end. Then, David realized his aunt lived just a few minutes away - so his aunt took us all out for Thai food which was delightful! We finally got back to the city and returned the rental car at LaGuardia Airport, and the rental car company got a black limo (just like the one Chuck rides around in!) to take us back to the city! WHAT? We got back to the city, walked David's super cute dog, and ate dessert at a wonderful (and relatively famous) Italian Bakery - Veniero's, then walked in the surprisingly pleasant weather (all day we had perfect weather for our chosen activities!) to the subway! SUCH a fun much needed day - a respite from the - BLARGH - and just - wow - I am happy to have two such fabulous people in my life at the moment! CHEERS TO GOOD FOOD GOOD COMPANY AND GOOD TIMES!

Release the Waldorf

The thing is...I'm not stupid - and I know when you are lying - and I know your tricks - whether you're the president of VLOG or my roommate. And I am insulted you think I'm stupid enough to fall for them. I got news for you - I am smart - I know what you are trying to do - and I am releasing Blair - so - beware...

just some random thoughts...

The world is very very very mysterious. I'm not sure I understand it at all - or if I should even try to.

At any rate - today I failed at being pop/country tap dancing cow. (SURPRISE! Who thought it would be a good idea to call me in for that show!?) What were they smoking!? I failed so badly they didn't want to see my "white witch." Ah well. I then had a HUMONGOUS scare that I lost my precious Any Liu shoes that my mom got me for Christmas - but KAT found them at Ricky's where I had left it when I went to buy a petticoat for my Halloween costume. YAY KAT! I then tried to video tape/interview people for an IOLANTHE publicity video - but only one person agreed to be interviewed. Everyone else got bizarrely camera shy. They are ACTORS! They should RELISH in the spotlight! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! During my rehearsal, I learned that I got called in for another AFTRA extra job - which is awesome - but I was looking forward to a day off. But it is a full on real AFTRA job- not a specially negotiated rate job - which means $140. WAHOO! Hopefully it won't be too painful. It IS an "exterior" filming - which means outdoors...

Here's to hoping for a fun day of filming!:)

I should also say I've met some really cool interesting people doing the filming. Some not so cool but for the most part all really nice funny intelligent kind human beings. It's nice!:)

25 questions

1. If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?

Well - the FIRST choice would be Arwen in her red dress - but I'll have to wait until Cara makes me that dress! Now... tonight...I'd probably go as a fairy.

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?

OH! DEFINITELY charcoal drilling! MY mom's are the BEST! And I love emmenthaler swiss cheese! and a LITTLE bit of ketchup and mustard!

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?

Can you get me a work permit for the UK?

4. It's your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

er....lame question - what vacation? Sanibel - swimming - Stratford - stalking Trouters - Paris - shopping...

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?

I'm weird - I don't eat movie theatre food.

6. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?

pop-up ads.

7. What do you think Captain Hook's name was before he had a hook for a hand?

Good question - I have no idea!

8. Rock, paper, or scissors?

Rock.

9. How long was it from 'the first date' until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?

er............????

10. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

TOO LOUD! UGH!

11. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?

Honesty

12. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?

chocolate or big fat peppermint sticks!

13. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?

Well everyone who visits form the UK always wants to see ground zero - but I would say the statue of liberty or the huge electronic concoction in Times Square.

14. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Wallstreet stuff...

15. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?

2 I believe...I forget actually...

16. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?

Dark chocolate chips - Ghiradelli - duh!

17. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?

chocolate chips

18. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?

Keep envelop. I'm not a gambling girl...

19. If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet?

t.v. - I LOVE MY INTERNET!

20. What is your highest level of education?

BA

21. How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it's been?

I don't know - but my subway pass is $89 a month...blargh!

22. What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?

I had lots - but the one that comes to mind was a purple plastic one that I believe some squirrells ate through...

23. What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?

Housekeeper! I hate cleaning!

24. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic?

traffic.

25. Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your 'cleaned up' swear word?

FUDGEMUFFINS! or SHITAKE MUSHROOMS!

as the leaves change.

It's 4 a.m. I can't sleep. Not because I'm not tired. No - because the IOFOIDFODSIFHDSUFH REGGAETON! I've called the police twice. Nothing. In fact, I called and checked up on ALL of my complaints and they official record is that the police came and saw no offenses. I feel like I'm living in a horrible movie where I am going crazy or and justifiably paranoid. The super does nothing. THe management does nothing. I can't sleep - I don't get m required 6 hours - and as a result can't make it through the day because I am so f-ing exhausted. It is incredibly stressful on my psyche - not knowing if I will be allowed to sleep by my neighbors - and I hate walking in and out of my building where everyone comments about how Im the gringa or white girl who doesnt like their music. WTF. It's 4 a.m. There is NO need to playing your music so loud I can hear it on the third Floor of an apt. set BACK from the road. In fact - tonight I can't even SEE the car - so the car is parked pretty far away.

I need to move. I am moving. Hopefully with Kat to Austin's building - which on one level is incredibly creepy - on another level - incredibly amazing. IFFFF it worked out - the apt is a THREE bedroom in our budget - though the third is apparently very "small" (we've yet to see it.) So we can afford all three rooms just the two of us, ORRRRRR we can rent the third room to someone wanting super cheap rent. There is laundry in the building - a TREMENDOUS LUXURY for us New Yorkers. TWO elevators. NICE neighbors - it's QUIET! I will stop being TORMENTED uneccesarily by this AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL MUSIC! And it's IMMEDIATELY off of the A train - like - the exit of the train is one building away from the apt. we'd live in. There is a Starbucks across the street! AHHH! I am euphoric just THINKING about it! I hope it all works out!

And on Monday - I will do my final AFTRA extra thingy to qualify for equity! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THANK GOODNESS! Then all I have to do is wait for March 5th!

I have high hopes for the coming months. Let's hope they come to fruition. Happy Apt. Happy jobs! (HOPEFULLY a supernumerary at the Met - and extra work for t.v. while waiting to get seen for auditions), meeting cool new people, let's hope happy things happen!

I'm watching Giada fail at eating crabs on t.v. - it's making me laugh - my mom would be in despair at this sight!

strange

I am very confused - I woke up this morning to a "vloglog" e-mail saying that "vlogworks" was finally in the making and to contact marlene for more info. vlogworks was the program IIIIIIIIIIII put together for VLOG where little studio productions are mounted every month as fundraisers/a chance for people who don't get cast in roles in the mainstage productions of VLOG, to benefit VLOG both financially and morally. What? So I e-mailed them, and YES - it is INDEED my program - but given to this other to head up - because --- no one really knows why. Awesome. I read the e-mail - got too mind boggled - and went back to bed because my brain just couldn't process it.

I then ACTUALLY woke up to a phone call from theatreworks -a company I have NEVER auditioned for, asking me to come in an audition for The White Witch in the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe musical. The White Witch belt s jazz and pop songs - not a hint of legit in it. WHAT? Whose awful (but flattering) idea was this? I was like - whatever - I'll go in and sing what I sing -- I'm not going to turn into a jazzy pop singer by Tuesday...

And speaking of turning into a jazzy pop singer - apparently everyone thinks I should be getting an opera degree. What. I'm so confused. Meeeeehhhhhhhh.....someone just give me a job - opera - pop - musical theatre - I don't really care - just give me a job - lol.

Then --- well - There is massive Jean-Paul drama --- where - according to the subletter randomly staying here that I didn't know about --- he is secretly planning to move in with his new girlfriend and not tell me...that is pretty awesome if you ask me. But - it's actually o.k. - because quite frankly - I hate this f-ing apt. and the DIFJDSFUIHDu reggaeton - and was thinking of moving anyway - so seriously - that Kat and I have an appointment to look at two apts. in Austin's building tomorrow. Yes - I do feel somewhat creepy - but having lived in his apt. I can say it is a PLEASANT wonderful place with laundry IN THE BUILDING and NO F-ING REGGAETON!

Then - this is one of those - I'll believe it when I see it things - the director of Iolanthe said she could get me a job as a supernumerary at the Met - (someone who basically is one stage to fill up space and look pretty, they don't necessarily sing or dance - thought I suppose they could - they really just kinda --- "act".) That would be --- ridiculously amazing. I hope SOOO MUCH that comes to fruitions! Oh yes - and she gave me another free ticket to the Met --- some opera I've never heard of, but apparently the leading tenor is hot and takes his shirt off...you know those hot opera men.

So yeah - I had a voice lesson- that was normal and nice...

Oh, I decided it's not worth fighting VLOG. Whatever - they can do what they want with my proposal - I need to go off and get paid...come on Met - or Bway - or awesome regional theatre - HIRE ME!

October

FINALLY! I get to be on GOSSIP GIRL! And they were MERCIFUL! I'm not called in until 3:45 p.m.! That may mean I am going until 6 a.m. but that is SOOOO much preferred to be CALLED at 6 a.m. I feel a bit ridiculous though, because I am fully bringing a suitcase with Fall clothing options. Gossip Girl is CRAZY! They wear fancy sparkly ballgowns to prison, so I am bringing many "options," they will have to like one of them...

Austin's cats are finally warming up to me - I'm obviously a dog person - but cats are cute and furry too - and don't have to be walked - a DEFINITE plus! Plus I am in LOVE with the building. I called the management to see how much it would cost for a two bedroom (Kat would move with me) but I havent heard back. Then again it WAS a holiday today.

I finally bought my Halloween costume. It was the cheapest option. I think that was smart - as beautiful as the cosplay Arwen costumes were.

October is almost half way through and there is still so much to do! Cider Mill! Fall foliage touring! Jack-o-Laterns! Halloween! Baking pumkin bread! I LOVE OCTOBER!

The one act reading was today. I think it actually went really well. The actors were wonderful. They really made the script work. I was so happy they all committed themselves so fully and the audience actually enjoyed it! YAY! Plus - they looked ridiculously beautiful - it was a WHITE box theatre - and they wore all black and the effect was stunning. It also felt great to give two actors from VLOG a chacne to actually say LINES! They are always in the chorus - so they finally got to shine!:)

Halloween

It would appear my goal for Halloween is a bit different from everyone else's...my goal is to be warm and comfortable, perhaps left over from the days of SUPER trick or treating where I would get more candy than anyone else because I wore rollerblades or super comfy shoes.

Ah, but I am all grown up now and living in the city...you know what THAT means. It means it's SEXY time! That means...it is basically impossible to acquire a costume that isn't "Slutty Alice in Wonderland" "Dominatrix Cleopatra" "Sexy Bo Peep" "Robin the the Hood" or the Princess Leia gold bikini costume. Of course, I could put together my own costume, but while plotting the costumes with friends you get things such as "Ondine" (the water nymph who seduces and drowns men) Salome, sexy fairy, or - "I might just wear a cowboy hat." WHAT? What happened to truly great costumes? I don't want to go as "Sexy Candy Corn" (aka - black leather skirt with yellow and orange bikini top and a black witches hat" - I want to go as something awesome. (For some reason this year that means I have my heart set on Arwen from Lord of the Rings, it would appear five years too late as none of the stores are currently carrying her costume so I either have to special order from Hong Kong or amazon, which may be in Hong Kong for all I know!

I feel there is so much pressure to have either an awesome costume or and awesomely "I don't care" costume. Oh Halloween! How I love you but how much trouble you cause at the same time!

trying to find the zen happy place

Don't you just LOVE it when the living playwright sends you a REWRITTEN SCRIPT she did not tell you about the day before the one and only rehearsal. That is awesome. I ANSWERED THE PHONE FOR YOU!

Don't you also love when you see a job advertised "looking for applicant with a deep knowledge of opera, ballet, shakespeare, and european theatre" and THEN you see IT DOESNT PAY ANYTHING but you can get a COLLEGE CREDIT! DOH!

And then - Halloween - you see - I LOVE Halloween - but it always present a problem - the costume...what is the acceptable amount to spend on a costume? Should I spend $100 on an Arwen costume...or go as a fairy...again...again...and again...I'm so tired of being a fairy!

That being said - my friend Ward took free headshots/full body shots for me today in a cocktail dress and ballgown so I can use it for the background/extra work submissions! I think they came out very well! Especially given that we did them all in about 30 minutes with horrible sunsetting lighting! GO him! (And thank you him!)

only me....

I don't seem to ever be content. IOLANTHE is all I could EVER hope for in a show. I love everyone in the cast! They are all so funny and kind and talented, and I have a great part, and I'm having a blast! I was so excited to have this be my farewell to non-equity theatre (since, pending one more AFTRA extra job I'll be equity in March and FINALLY get seen at freaking auditions!) But then - they had to go ahead and announce that their next musical was going to be CAROUSEL. Those observant friends of mine, namely Kat, all know I have some very strange need to play Julie Jordan in Carousel. (NOT I repeat NOT CARRIE PIPPERIDGE! If you tell me that, for some reason, I break down in tears. I makes no sense, I know. All the Carries win Tonys and all the Julies fade into oblivion - but I have this intrinsic need to tell Julie's story.) Most people think the musical CAROUSEL is condones spousal abuse, but I don't think that is the story at all. It's about a complex relationship, which isn't Disney! It's real. And people do HORRIBLE things to eachother, and yet, still love each other very much. (Hey everyone - CHUCK AND BLAIR IN GOSSIP GIRL?) Sometimes they only do the horrible things BECAUSE they each other so much. And I think showing that on stage give the audience a chance to contemplate, oh I'm happy I HAVE a Disney life, oh dear I am the abused/abuser and need to change things, or wow - finally someone I can relate to. Apparently this makes me a bad person for thinking this, but I think Julie's song "What's The Use of Wond'rin" basically sums up love. REAL love. Just about better than anything else. "What's the use of Wond'rin if he's good or if he's bad, or if you like the way he wears his, oh what's the use of wond'rin if the ending will be sad, he's your feller and you love him. That's all there is to that." I mean think about it, you have the image in your head of who you're going to fall in love with, but usually - it's someone totally different. Someone who has bad breath, is short, is tall, is fat, is a different race, farts all the time, is a rap producer when you're a pilates instructor, is older, is younger, has a kid, dresses funny, would rather play video games than go to Renaissance Faires, I have seen some pretty crazy couples! But they all love each other! And you can analyze it until the cows comes home - but at the end of the day, they love each other and that's all there is to that. I just love that character. I just love that story. AND DAMN VLOG FOR DOING IT! A)because I was planning to not be equity therefore ineligible for VLOG shows, B) Whenever I want something - and want to so very badly, with ONE exception, it never happens and then I fall into a ball of tears and it's just ---- bad - I don't want to go through that. Esp. not for something as silly as a VLOG production, but I know if I don't get it - I will be a heaping mess. I'm a heaping mess just THINKING about it - and - I should be so much more zen and just say "what's the use of wond'rin if the ending will be sad..." but alas - I'm so much more high strung than that in real life.

Oh - come fat conductor man running to try and be my white knight! I should mention, I let him take me out to tea last week, and we actually had a really wonderful platonic time. I let him take me out to tea because he was NOT cast in IOLANTHE. He is the head producer of VLOG, and everyone was quaking in their boots to tell him he was not cast, and he said it was o.k. since he was going to have so much fun watching me play IOLANTHE. So this man is basically funding my entire theatre career at the moment, the LEAST I could do was oblige him to an afternoon tea. We had a fabulous time talking about England, Shakespeare, Opera, it was kinda like being with a larger and more eccentric Rovert. Conductor man is VERY smart - he is after all a billionaire in the field of computer science, and spends all his money seeing as many theatre and opera productions as possible. So - all these strange things I never get to talk about with friends, I was able to talk about. He even said he'd be willing to finance a workshop production of a bizarre opera for me to direct over the summer. The one condition was it had to be bizarre. Bizarre I can do. At ANY rate, he e-mailed me saying he was going to try and be musical director/conductor for CAROUSEL. (Knowing that I want to play Julie - since that was a HUGE topic over tea - where we both quoted various bits of the musical and oogled over how perfect the writing was.) GAH! DONT GIVE ME HOPE! DONT GIVE ME HOPE that I MIGHT get to be JULIE!

My one saving grave, which I'm highly doubting will happen, is that the Broward Stage decide to cast me and I won't be AROUND for Carousel. It was a very strange audition. We were supposed to sing TWO songs, so I prepared my ballad and my up tempo, my up tempo has the impressive high notes, the ballad was just "in the style" of the two shows they re doing - MAME and MUSIC MAN- lovely but otherwise unimpressive. So I started with the ballad, during which the pianist messed up twice and then STOPPED PLAYING! And then came in where he THOUGHT I was - and was... o.k....kinda... This ballad is NOT by ANY MEANS difficult! WTF? After I sang it, they said thank you come back at 2 for the dance call. I'm like NO!!!! NO!!!!! YOU NEED TO HEAR THE HIGH NOTES!!!! SO YOU CAST ME IN THE ENSEMBLE BECAUSE NO DANCERS CAN SING THOSE HIGH NOTES!!!! GAH! BOOOO! Would have started with the high notes if I had known I'd only get one song! And what was UP with the pianist? I did o.k. because I did my homework and knew the song, but really?

So I go to the dance call, and I'm KICKING MAJOR ASS! but there are only 8 of us and its 9 minutes of REALLLLLY hard dancing in heels on floor that is most definitely NOT a dance floor. So slippery! And I'm not making it up - one girl slipped and sprained her ankle and couldnt do the rest of the audition. BUT I was kicking MAJOR ass until the very end when he said give me 3 fouettes into a double pirouette. If there is ONE THING I do STUPENDOUSLY, other than put my leg over my head, it's fouettes. I don't know what it is, but I have ALWAYS been able to fouette. I can do the super impressive 32 fouettes from swan lake. I'll be in my ridiculous super advanced ballet and all the primas will have dropped out and I keep going and the teacher is like YOU CAN FOUETTE! WOW! But for SOME REASON - I had TWO TRIES! And I Fell out of the first fouette BOTH TIMES! WTF! Shouldnt have been a problem, except this OTHER GIRL DID THEM! GAHHHHHHHHHH! And she is ALSO from FLORIDA and went to School of the Arts! GAAHAHHAHHHH! WHY! OF ALL THE TIMES I mess up FOUETTES! was it RIGHT THEN!? I could have had a paying JOB! GAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAH! I am SOOOO LIVID with myself! STILL! And it's been almost a week! But it would have made life sooooo PERFECT! TOOO perfect - that was the problem! Started rehearsals december 5th, I could have put in my notice on work study during tech for Iolanthe, been in florida for the heinously cold months, GOTTEN PAID! GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH! STUPID STUPID STUUUUPID Fouettes!

And stupid Ballad! GAH!

So yeah, I'm having the time of my life, and am STILL unsettled. Only me. Only me!

Also, I feel really unprepared for the Playwright Festival thing I'm directing. The play is soooo --- strange... (I didn't get to pick the play, the play was assigned.) The characters seem - so --- hrmmmmm ---- I probably shouldnt even finish this paragraph for diplomacy reasons... I hope I can make it work. Shakespeare it is most definitely not. Take that for what you will...and I can't even bribe my friends to be in it. I finally got my four cast members, but now they are telling me I need someone to read stage directions. No one seems to be available to read my stage directions. (And quite frankly, I'm not sure I blame them. I feel insulting saying, I want you to be in this play....to read the stage directions.) Oh well, I'm sure it will all work itself out in the end...that's the theatre for you!

phones

The problem with working with LIVING playwrights is...they keep wanting to talk on the phone! Shudder. Phones scare me.

irony continues

YAYAYYAYAYAY! I woke up and was seen for ZERO auditions today! WAHOO!

And the month of irony continues --- VLOG announced their Spring musical - CAROUSEL. Oh oh oh oh oh....the drama in my head....

Irony

I think October is going to be a very ironic month. Let's hope this irony keeps up a happy sense of humor.

It also seems to be the month I am craving butternut squash soup. I don't know WHY I have this sudden need for butternutsquash and pumpkin soup - instead of pie - but there you have it. What a strange tummy I do have.

BTW - I had to turn down TOSCA sniffle - they perform almost every day this month - conflicts with IOLANTHE - and I think the female chorus only actually sings in one song - so no pay and virtually no stage time - sniffle - beautiful opera - but not worth it.

Maybe the NEXT Tosca to come around! LOL!

OCTOBER

I LOVE October! The weather! The leaves! The PUMPKINS! I think pumpkins are the most amazing fruit in the WORLD! It is delicious savory or sweet! Even the seeds are delicious! And you can carve them into incredible jack-o-laterns! And you get to dress up and get candy for it! Cider mills! Apple picking! Hay mazes! All incredible happiness! I love Fall! Ironically I always feel like FALL is the time of rebirth. I feel horribly uncomfortable in the spring - summer is too hot - but FALL is perfect! The colors! Today was the Fort Tryon Renaissance Festival - which is always the first weekend of every October. I could only go for an hour - but what a wonderful hour it was!

And of course, we have VLOG. I remember rehearsing for Pinafore last FAll - and now IOLANTHE. It just feels right. And I love the cast! Everyone is so nice! (I even met a wonderful girl who shares my ridiculous love of pumpkin today! And lives in the Heights! We were jumping around and squealing like middle schoolers - which of course made the boys make fun of us - like middle schoolers, which resulted in laughter for all.) I hope the joy continues!

One of the chorus members (who was also in Fiddler and Pinafore) asked me to be a first soprano in another company's production of TOSCA! I would LOVE to do it. TOSCA is the one opera I love that is "normal" and not Philip Glass or something else super weird. And I'd FINALLY get to use those high notes that never get exercised except for my warm-ups!

So - the SADNESS is that Fabrizio leaves for tour for 8 months on Wednesday - but oddly asked me to stay at his place for a few weeks to cat sit. He is going to pay me AND I get to be away from the HORRENDOUS reggaeton and be closer to the glorious Fort Tryon park to enjoy the leaves even MORE!

I have high hopes for October - let's hope it lives up to expectations!