nerdom

I suppose I have always been a nerd - but since I've had a week to sit on my sofa and do nerdy tihings, I've actually realized how nerdy I am. I left my apt. only to go to a few pilates classes (don't wanna get flabby), go to an astronaut lecture, and go on a historical walking tour of lower Manhattan where I refrained from correct the Shakespeare quote the tour guide used. I caught myself up on the news, researched arts funding in the US and the world (HOW did I not know about UNESCO until tonight!?), and became addicted to SciFri the podcast. I listened to one act operas, watched the Vienna State orchestra and ballet company on t.v., and had some on-line music theory lessons with Candace. (Since I don't know my voice part yet for MY FAIR LADY, and I couldn't sing anyway, we decided to just work on the theory of chords. Of course, I wanted to work on NIXON IN CHINA chords - which are notoriously difficult. She kept giving me easier pieces and chords.)

Of course - this means I also havent done any of the things I desperately need to do - get a hold of housing works (though to my credit I did call them a lot - I just somehow was never near my phone when they called back) to have them come pick up my sofa and other goodies from the old apt. And drop off my keys to the old management company (which is in bumblefuck brooklyn - blech), go to Bed Bath and Beyond and pick up the other stuff Loralee and I agreed we needed for the apt, and other goodies like that. Make my dentist appointment. All the not fun things I would rather not think about - but of course - have to. Hopefully I'll get a hold of housingworks tomorrow. Still dont feel healthy though, which is freaking me out! I WANT TO BE HEALTHY! NO MORE GUNK IN MY NOSE OR SORE THROAT! BE HEALTHY! HEALTHY IS GOOD!

a little nightcap.

So just when I got to actually REALLY like auditioning (I mean - REALLY like - everything but the waking up early part) - I no longer have to audition. Except for things that start in February. Crazy! Or of course, Broadway things - because when you get one of those - you gotta go! And instead of being all stressed out in BATTLE mode or COMPETITION mode - waking up everyone really to make everyone hear me roar - I feel relaxed - and calm - and peaceful. It's a weird feeling...

I think my body knows what is going on and decided to collapse and get sick as well. BOO body! Just because you dont have to wake up and sing super pretty every morning does NOT give you permission to get sick! You always do this! STAY HEALTHY! HEALTHY IS GOOD! You better be feeling better when I wake up!!!!! BECAUSE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO MEET NASA ASTRONAUTS IN THE MORNING!!!!!

I like lists!

This week I

-visited the HIGH LINE for the first time where I drank from water fountains that recited poetry!

-ate peekytoe crab dumplings at the Spice Market with the director of Iolanthe

-belted

-didn't die in Manhattan Mini storage

-went to book club (where we read the book BECOMING MADAME MAO)

-hung up some hanging wall shelves from IKEA

-listened to Stephen Hawking disprove the existence of a creator on Discover Channel.

-listened to five operas I have never heard before (in hopes of finding the one to direct)

-got hired for my first professional performing job

-finally went to astronomy club where I got to look through a telescope for the first time and see the perseid meteor shower.

Come one Dover!

I GOT MY MAGICAL E-MAIL. (who knew - it comes via e-mail not phone call.) It feels oddly - normal? People want to celebrate with me, but I'm kinda...calm? I think the main reason for this is that I am still so traumatized by the contract that was taken away from me that I am paranoid the same thing will happen again. I think this theatre is much more on top of their game though. (TOUCH WOOD!) As soon as my INK is on the contract - THEN I will pop open the bubbly!:) I also think I'm experiencing what Trouters described when he was cast as Romeo. You get all excited - YAY! Then you think - oh crap! This is going to be hard and scary. It's only a week of rehearsals, which is NOT a lot to learn an entire show! EEEEEK! I'm basically a put-in. (My understanding is - the rest of the cast performed this EXACT show before - a few weeks ago - and it is now transferring to the new theatre, and I am taking over at track of an actress who didn't, for whatever reason, do the transfer. I'm PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING they put me as a first soprano and not a mezzo. Mezzo = ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sort of at the mercy of whoever I am replacing I suppose. And LOTS of choreography to learn. PLUS I HAVE LINES! WITH A COCKNEY ACCENT! EEEEP! (I have a cameo part as a drunken cockney street woman/friend of Alfred Doolittle.) So the whole ordeal just as scary as it is exciting. (Though, as aforementioned, after I INK IT, I think it will be FAR more exciting than scary!) I'm up for the challenge. I think I've improved enough as a musician to carry my own part - even if it isn't first soprano. I just can't listen to the soundtrack and get first soprano in my head. (PLEASE LET ME BE FIRST SOPRANO!)

But don't get me wrong, it's an incredibly exciting contract! The director has even directed on Broadway! He seems to work a lot, so if I do a good job and he likes me, I might work a lot too! (Touch wood and cross fingers!) It's a LONG contract, which is apparently very enviable A) because it's always nice to be employed and B) It means I will qualify for health insurance. It's a contract where I can still live in the city and go to other auditions, do other projects, teach pilates, direct whatever one act opera we come up with, and basically still carry out evil plans galore! AND - there is a Christmas hiatus which means I can go home!:) It's also apparently a very good regional theatre. Even Reinking was impressed. The guy who was the original Jekyll/Hyde in Jekyll and Hyde works there a lot as a director and performer. AND - it's MY FAIR LADY. I mean - who doesn't love MY FAIR LADY!? I COULD HAVE DAAAAAANCED ALL NIGHT! I COULD HAVE DAAAAANCED ALL NIGHT! And stiiiiiiil have beeeeggggged for moooooooore!:)

So - here we go! Tighten up you dance belts! We're going INTO THE FIRE! HOPEFULLY a soprano fire but we'll be ready for ANYTHING!

I GOT A JOB! I WILL SOON BE WORKING ACTRESS! And they are already building my costumes!

This also makes me feel MUCH more justified in quitting my job at STEPS. Truly though, how could I continue after my magical night with Boydy? When I first wrote to Boydy, I wrote that I would be happy to clean toilets for the RSC, and he responded with "I'm going to make sure you never have to clean toilets." WTF self - REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE! You are Boydy's guest - you are with the company - and worth so much more! Capable of so much more. Ready for so much more. I'm not sure I can ever put into words what that night gave back to me --- released in me - how it empowered me - but that's o.k. It doesn't need to spoken - it needs to be acted upon - and I feel I am doing that. And I am SO THANKFUL the universe gave me those few hours of much needed Boydyness and Trouterness. Thanks to that - I now feel I am free and able to fly and reach my full potential!:)

nervous

No really...as I listen to Annie - why was I not called back for Grace? The SOPRANO? I'm scared of belting...wobbly knees and all! I want to just go in and sing it operatically - because that's what I do best! ACK! I'm scared and want to hide under my covers. But I won't. INTO FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!

I WANT TO SHINE!

I seriously think I'm going to go insane. Or maybe I AM in sane. I am seriously going to go insane if I don't receive a magical phone call soon! I am obsessively checking the website that say whether or not casting offers have gone out. I fell as though I have been holding my breath waiting to exhale. I know I should just CALM DOWN - but I can't - the excitement is too much - the possibility - the hope. I've been SO CLOSE! IT'S TIME TO BE THERE! COME on phone! RING!

BTW - I can belt now. I don't know what happened. It's no ethel merman - but it passes well enough for a dance call or something.

BLAH! BUT RING RING RING RING RING RING RING!

I've been trying to distract myself by doing apartmenty things, doctor appointments, bill paying, paperwork, figuring out the muscles for musicians dance classes with Cara and JP, and an original one act opera to direct with JP, his friend Athena, and my friend Eva, learning new music for myself, the usual dance classes, sadly - there aren't many auditions this week - just my ANNIE callback (COME ON NEWFOUND BELT ! LET'S GET ME A JOB!) All of which SHOULD mean - I am BEYOND busy - yet - my stupid brain just thinks - RINGRINGRING!

I am seriously going to go INSANE!

Even hanging out with Michael who is visiting from Germany, or the director of Iolanthe, or visiting the highline for the first time, doesn't seem to distract me! BLAAAAAH!

It's so exciting - so nerve-wracking - so hopefuly! PLEASE HOPE COME TO FRUITION FOR ONCE! Let me not just BELIEVE it can happen - let me WITNESS it happen! Everyone keeps saying if I don't get it - there's something better waiting int he wings - but I'm done with waiting int he wings - I'm ready to take center stage! Ready willing and able! LET ME SHINE!:)

conspiracies...

It's nice to have things happening - and conspirators to conspire with. I hope some of these projects see it all the way through to fruition. The amore opera group seems really enthusiastic and gung-ho - so we'll see! It may just all work out!

stir crazy

IS GOING CRAZY WAITING FOR EVERYTHING! MAGICAL PHONE CALLS LEASES CABLEGUYS! JUST - AMAZINGNESS HAPPEN ALREADY! THANK YOU!

Just around the riverbend

Hoping for magical phone calls of MANY kinds - jobs - callbacks - apt. leases being approved - come on magical phone calls! I know you can do it!

And so many exciting things happening - my friend Eva and I on a quest for a brand new one act opera to be produced by fat conductor man and Amore Opera directed by MOI! for this coming Spring - Loralee and me planning our cabaret FINALLY - dance class for opera singers coming to a studio near you in two weeks! (Studio near you if you live in NYC). Cool lead for the "Persephone project." Manhattan Mini Storage coming to pick up all my crap on Sunday. CABLE coming Saturday! (With tivo so - I can record weird operas for MYSELF!)

And I did my big girl stuff today - like forwarding my mail. I'm bad at big girl stuff - I'm much better at being a fairy princess - but big girl stuff has to happen for the glitter to happen as well.

And other goals to becoming a better performer!

-I need to take a monologue class - so I can go to these straight theatre auditions and be awesome!

-I need to do the "pay to play" workshops with the casting directors so they get to know me and know how awesome I am!

-I need to put together a video reel - so I can put it on-line and people can see how awesome I am.

-Try to get an agent - who will get me awesome appointments for leads in shows so I can book work! YAY! Work is good!

It's just around the corner ! I can feel it! COME TO ME!!!!!!

hungry

I am SO HUNGRY for amazing things to happen. I am so hungry to book a paying show. I am so hungry to do meaningful work - whether it be teaching dance to opera singers, performing at the Met, directing "fairies and scaries" Shakespeare excerpts in the park - I am salivating for everything to happen! I can hardly stand it. So many awesome scary exciting and hopefully enriching changes happening. I can feel it in my blood and in my bones - his excitement this drive this need this confidence - and a HUGE silver lining. Maybe I'm still on a high from Friday - or maybe Friday gave me the push I needed to fly - but I am so ready to take flight and SOAR! It's gonna happen and happen soon!:)