The cheesy Thanksgiving entry...

Things I am thankful for:

My dad who will spend all day smoking a turkey!

My mom who will use her free vacation to take me to see Sam Troughton.

My brother - who my parents always said I would one day be thankful for - surprise - they were right.

All of my teachers.

All of my friends.

My many talents - which I am still honing - but will one earn me a living!:)

Ice cream and it's infinite deliciousness.

Disney - and all of it's happiness.

Shakespeare - and it's infinite depth - how you can return to every play over and over and discover new aspects and meaning and ways of understanding the characters.

Corgis - every time I see one I get happy.

Space Heaters - and air conditioners - depending on the season.

My health - (touch wood.)

My anorexic arms.

Cartoons and comics - which make us laugh.

Outdoor swimming pools.

iPhones and computers which link us instantaneously to knowledge.

Music.

Apple and pumpkin butter.

Olympic games which show us how amazing humans can be.

For epic movies like Gladiator and Ben-Hur.

Comforters to cuddle up in.

All the performance opportunities I've been given.

All the directing opportunities I've been given.

My education (which I'm finding a surprisingly rare commodity.)

- and on the opposite end of the spectrum - Hugh Jackman looking positively dashing in the movie AUSTRALIA on t.v. right now.

These were listed in no particular order and is by no means a complete list, but it's Thanksgiving, so I thought it seemed appropriate to make a list of gratitudes!:)

My name

I always thought I was the only one in the world with my name - but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - 11 years after me - another me was born - and now - she is showing up in google searches and facebook searches - and it makes me mad... I was always like tigger - the only one -grrrrrrrrrr! I'll just have to get super famous so the other me disappears into oblivion - and I shall reign the google SUPREME! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

FL

Wow - I am very fortunate to have so many great friends in Florida - but it is a bit overwhelming as well. I get off the plane and I already have messages from people wanting to meet up! ACK! I hope I can fit everyone in - and still relax! Everyone wants to take me to rocking clubs in Miami - I don't really like clubs - rocking or otherwise - anywhere - so hopefully I'll manage to convince them to do otherwise... I didn't even bring home clubbing cloths - lol! (Do I OWN clubbing cloths?)

My mom made her famous hockey puck burgers - which I love! Hoooooray!

TOmorrow - SWIMMING! OUTDOORS! Theoretically in SUNLIGHT!

I also got a "real" blog idea - since everyone keeps asking me for dance class advice - I thought I should make a website or blog about the various dance class in NYC -which ones are TRULY beginning appropriate and which are uber advanced classes in disguise - Like Yoda's begining class - which - is actually identical to his "advanced professional" level class. It won't so much be a this class is good and this class sucks site - but more of a "the is what you will get out of this class" so you really highlight the benefits of each class. I.e Yoda's class is excellent for a very advanced dancer with strong technique who wants to get "over their leg" and "square off" and/or work independently on a certain problem area for them. The class combinations themselves are more basic and slower than some other advanced professional classes, but many of the dancers in the class are the best in the world, and will be executing them with excellence, so an intermediate level dancer may easily get intimidated. Nancy's class is excellent for a very advanced dancer who wishes to work on turn out, pointed feet, posture, and and precision whilst doing intricate fast paced rhythmic combinations. I figure I can maybe have a few collaborators as well, different types and levels of dancers who give their own input. For instance Amanda IS an advanced professional ballerina, so her take on the classes would be different than mine - who considers herself a theatre dancer with a very strong ballet backgroun, which is different from Kat who considers herself a jazz dancer or Danielle who is a tapper or Kim who is an opera singer who is learning to dance for the first time. I know a lot of people who are intimidated to take class because they don't know what they are getting themselves into - I think this could be a valuable tool for them!:) Trying to think of a title - ideas?

OOOOOOOOH! And I'm looking at a big picture of my rooooo! HE'S SO CUTE. (was so cute?) THE PICTURE IS SO CUTE! LOL!:)

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

kicking off the week of thanks!:)

This is the week of gratitude (and gluttony.)

Thanksgiving!

I mope and whine and panic and vent an awful lot - but all truths be told - I have a LOT to be thankful for.

So we will start with being Thankful I get to go to Florida! And spend the Holidays in the warmth and theoretical sunshine.

Go swimming OUTDOORS!!! Rollerblade - see all my friends from high school both DSOA and PBCC-ers and a few people from NYC who migrated to work with two different ballet companies in South Florida!!! Take ballet at my old dance studio - watch my extensive Disney video collection which I've been lacking. (It is very difficult to PLAY Alice in Wonderland when you haven't seen the movie in 15 years...what are Alice's mannerisms - sayings - etc...)

And escape from New York - get out of bad habits - and into good habits! Healthier both physically and mentally.

And have a HUGE PIANO ALL TO MYSELF (when my parents are away)! I can pluck out songs to my hearts content and practice without worrying about a neighbor who would rather be living it up with Beyonce!

Space - Light - Sunshine - clean air - friends - family - I'm excited - and thankful.

And --- when I return - I apparently have a date waiting for me - with the non-idiot boy from Pinafore - who can actually discuss Shakespeare --- I find it hysterical how nervous he gets around me - it's interesting not being the pursuer - I feel so --- powerful!

And with that - I go to bed in hopes of waking of for Yoda's class before catching my flight. Gotta get as much ballet in as possible if I am to in Finian's rainbow! (Or Chava is a production of Fiddler...if I'd only get seen - Chava - ballet - legit singing - looks Jewish! IT'S ME!!!!!)

To sleep perchance to dream!:)

Hissy fit

PLEASE! I do not want mothers with 13 year old sons living in my apt. Or mothers with 4 year old daughters. Or Meth addicts. Or Pets. Or Couples. PLEASE! SOMEONE MY AGE-ISH! SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO DRUGS! Someone who is healthy - and doesnt lie - or steal - or say mean purposefully malicious things to get their way - I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE! WHO ARE YOU! WHERE ARE YOU! COME TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the next 12 hours!

And it's official - I got fat - GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL! DAMMIT! WHere was my will power amidst those tables of sweets! GONE! GONE GONE GONE! BLAH! My mom is gonna give it to me when I get home and I am NOT looking forward to it.

I suck.

Curious things may happen on the subway...

A few noteworthy things happened today.

1) On my way to Pinafore - between the 72nd and 42nd street stop - I ran into the musical director for Phantom, Woman in White, and now apparently A Little Night Music, who in my previous post I mentioned I wanted to stalk. Hrmmm...universe...thank you... She got off at 42nd. Between 42 and 34th - a three year old child threw up on me. Hrmmm...universe...what are you trying to tell me?

2) Kim came to see Pinafore - and brought me a gianormous bouquet of beautiful flowers!

3) Lara came over for tacos and we had a wonderfully girly gossipy night before she returns home to Canada - sniffle - why do so many awesome people return home to Canada?

4) We scheduled the Christmas c.d. - and picked out our songs. Wahoo! Yay silliness but fun and productivity.

bucket list!

Things I want to do - yay bucket lists:

-Get a performing JOB (i.e. one that PAYS - and preferably get me equity points if not a card.)

-record a Christmas c.d. with my friends

-submit myself to NY filmed tv shows such as Law and Order, CSI, and Guiding Light

-Stalk and submit myself to all three of starfish pastie girl's commercial agents

-make my youtube minimovie about my evil ballet shoe. (This shoe really is evil - you have to hear to stories.)

-Start working on the Susan Choreography for Finian's Rainbow

-Stalk Kristen music director of Phantom

-Stalk Phelim

-Direct a small very well done play - preferably no more than four people

-Meet my dream man - wherever he may be hiding.

-Get tivo

-See Christmas Carol and New Moon

-Be enormously successfully and many various ways!:)

-Be more consistent turning out triple pirouettes.

-Finally put on the showcase Alena and I have been plotting.

-Sing many Duets with Kim

-Make my High Ds, Es, and Fs competitive with the "real" singers!

-Keep the apt. in tip top condition.

-learn to hate the junk food kept in the Opera world.

-Have many more intellectual conversations. (Good start today on Hamlet's inner Tao-ist - thank you Cederic! If your salmon is as good as your Shakespeare...there may be hope...)

-Love myself - ethnic nose and all!:)

-Travel someplace amazing and exotic with Liz - (she invited me to India....hrmmmmm...an Amelie and Jean-Benoit were talking about that as well --- and it's the home to Hindu, Ghandi, and Satyagraha..........intriguing)

-He surrounded by corgis - like the Queen of England!:) (Wanted a funny one to end the list.)

food centric

Kim is amazing.

After a rather trying day that involved a food fight with myself to try and blow off steam - Kim was on-line. We discussed our plans for auditions in the future - making them super fun - more of celebrations than chores! Additionally finding ways of getting seen, submitting, weasling, using our girlish charms. Whatever works. I can't believe no one has thought of bringing mini-trave version of board games like scrabble before!

I also appreciate Austin's work on "big gay italian wedding" so much more today than I did at the time. He taught a group of non-dancers how to dance. I thought - what - who can't do that choreography? It's just running around with some hip rolls. Well - I spent a good 40 minutes trying to teach a very sweet lady lawyer how to do a grape vine step and jazz square today. I'm not sure I actually succeeded. It even resulted in me COUNTING the music for her! I was like think of it rhythmically -ONE two THREE four FIVE six SEVEN EIGHT! I was like - who am I? Counting! Weird! Crazy! Amazing! Awesome! FINALLY! In return - she offered to take off my nickel broach from my cape so I wouldn't have to touch it - lol. Anyhow, now I understand what a feat it was for Austin to teach 20 actors who have never danced before actual DANCE moves.

I think that conductor man gave up on me. Phew. It makes me feel a little bad to make him sad - not necessarily because I have any feelings towards him whatsoever - but I don't like making people sad in general. However, I think another member of the cast may have asked me out on a date. He asked me if I would like to come over so he could cook salmon for me --- huh - I'll take some free salmon. He's also one of the few people who is not an idiot in the cast. Incroyable.

I also took a long bath! It was so nice! So relaxing! So calming!!!! So nice on my muscles! Sigh! Soon I'll be in Florida - and swimming around like a mermaid - and sitting in hot tubs! AND I CANT WAIT FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER! My dad and I have already begun plotting and planning! SMOKED TURKEY! Chestnut stuffing! gravy with fried sausage! JUST KIDDING about the last one - lol! Food Network recommended it.

And HOPEFULLY - HOPEFULLY HOPEFULLY - my subletter problems will the solved when I wake up tomorrow.

Ferrip.

Thank goodness for Ferrip - who brings happiness and calm throughout the land.

KEYBOARD WHERE ART THOU!

I want to cry.

I want the keyboard back. I didn't even know it was leaving! I feel so --- naked. I used that thing every day! Warm up --- how to ---- warm up--- I am --- so - lost.... so confused...She apologized for the awkward seizing after it happened --- but ---- it doesn't change the fact that --- I have no way of knowing my pitches --- my notes - practicing my scales --- ahhhhh! SOOOOOOOOB! No warning! No nothing! BLAAAH! WAHHHH! BOOOO! SOOOOB!

I want a subletter who is --- someone I theoretically would want to live with. And doesn't try to get me to lower the rent to $600. SUBLETTER WHERE ARE YOU!?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Why do all the potential yous flake out - come on! I know you are out there somewhere! We don't have to be lovers - just get along and pay rent!

I want a performing job that PAYS - and not in the currency of "be the conductor's eye candy."

Job! I know you are out there! I am READY for you! Just take me already!

And why do I have weird mysterious rashes - that even the dermatologist can't diagnose. And why does everyone keep asking me about it! BLAH! GO AWAY STUPID RASHES!

So I'm cranky - and frustrated. And - staring at the empty spot where the keyboard was! BLAH!

when Mary's away --- the voice will play.

So - my voice --- sounds GREAT during my lessons and directly after my lessons - however - Mary being in italy - it falls down the tubes and make me cringe. BLAH.

At least I know there is potential - but egad - consistency - PLEASE!

sundayness

Pinafore reached a new level of ridiculous last night - when they informed us A) we do not have a SUnday show and B) We have to strike the set ourselves next Sunday - I WORK at 6:15 so there will be no set striking for me. One disgruntled old lady wearing a rather disturbing "kooky cousin" sexy alien costume said "well then you won't get cast in the next show!" Oh - darn...I was So looking forward to paying lots of money to be stalked - picketed - poked by the ladies standing next to me - and being surrounded by mass quantities of junk food.

I did an Alice in Wonderland tea party yesterday -it was the hardest party I've ever worked - the kids were - not fun. The parents were great - but the kids were mutinous. They would cry because they wanted to dance, then cry because they didn't want to dance. Then they'd cry because they wanted to eat cupcakes - but then they'd cry because they didn't want to eat cupcakes - all they really wanted to do was hide under the table. My boss was there and she wanted to run the party her way - and also take pictures for her website - which involved asking me to leave the action mid-limbo to take a posed picture. Which made the kids cry more - What a headache! But I need the money - and there are worse ways to make money - and things that pay way less an hour. So I'm thankful to get work at all.

I am also thrilled that I FINALLLLLY got a day off. I've not had much of a chance to breath and organize life and most importantly SLEEEEEP for more than 5 hours. Do laundry! YAY clean leotards!

Now --- if ONLY someone would answer my craigslist ad...

Moses

I am very fortunate to have so many wonderful people around me, and for that I am very thankful. At the same time, it is very difficult to balance out all of the demands which come with this.

People constantly get aggravated that you don't have time for them - the constant "but it's just one night, you can go to work hungover." All of those one nights, one dinners, one drinks, one game of pool, one show,add up rather quickly - monetarily - calorically - SLEEP-WISE - energy-wise, etc... To be the best I can be require me to not honor most of these requests.

It's frustrating because it would be more fun to have lunch with an old friend or go out drinking with the cast of Pinafore or bake cookies with Kat and Cara than go home and sleep - but that is what I need to do. I'm sure I make equally unreasonable demands, but it sure would be nice to have one of Hermione Granger's special necklaces that make it possible for her to be in two places at once.

Opening night of Pinafore was pretty good - Sir Joseph forgot a verse of his song and exclaimed SHIT in the middle of it - which was problematic since a huge plot point in act two is Captain Corchoran saying "damn me" in front of Sir Joseph who can't abide foul language - but what can you do. The way I see it, he took one for the team, now I'm not so nervous about my little mistakes (or big ones for that matter.) Otherwise - it was a super fun performance - and I danced my jazz squares and sang my high notes with pride!

We were pickets by the musicians union. I wish someone would tell us TRUTHFULLY why - but they won't. It always bothers me when I'm not informed. I think I'm addicted to information. The iphone helps me feeds my constant need for random knowledge - as does my beloved laptop. When I am kept in the dark I am annoyed. Apparently we might say something that will be used against us in court - but hey - if we are being picketed - shouldn't we have a right to know why? What if I agree with the musicians? Shouldn't I have the right to walk out? Ah well. I highly doubt I'd agree with the musicians on the matter - but one never knows.

Reinking was offered HAIR in London. Do you see my jealous drool on the computer screen? I find it a cruel irony that so many of my friends manage to work in England, and alas, I do not. Sigh.

The director of Pinafore in his rousing (?) pre-show speech said "Moses could not follow his people to the promised land." I guess I feel like that with London. But also, I think that actually articulates what I have been most unsatisfied with in directing. It's hard to explain - but when the show open - you move on as a director - you can give no more - you participate no more - you aren't part of the fun on stage - you just sit there and hope no one messes up too badly or that your vision has been realized to it's fullest potential - but you just LOOK at it - from a mountain - far away - you don't actually get to taste the milk and honey. I can say - it is definitely more fun to be on stage than off. Though - there is also something irreplaceable about creating a world in your imagination and watching it come to fruition on stage. I don't think one should ever have to choose between the two. I do truly believe you succeed in both worlds. For me, at the moment, it would be nice to succeed in one...but all in good time - all in good time.

I also still need a roommate. I find it extremely disconcerting that NO ONE is replying to my craigslist ads- and the people I know are all crazy! And piano girl - sadly - doesn't think she is going to move out of her family home anymore. SIGH! Anyone know of anyone who needs a really nice Manhattan home? It is really nice - huge - furnished - sunny - surround sound speaker!? No...? Sigh - thought it was worth a shot...maybe another time.

onions and parfaits.

My favorite line of conversation today:

Lady in Pinafore: Don't you find it odd that the Irish are portrayed so poorly in Ragtime when the novel it is based on was written by an Irishman?

Me: Really? Doctorow doesn't sound very Irish.

Lady: Well he is.

Me: I'm going to look it up. (pause for the iphone to operate it's magic.) He was born in the Bronx of Russian Jewish Decent.

Lady: Oh - I wonder why I thought he was Irish...oh it's about time for us to go on...

I have to say - all of this stupidity makes me miss directing - I forgot how good I am at all this dramaturgy and theatrical analyzation stuff --- and it's funny watching people be confused - wait - aren't you the ballerina who wants to be a Disney Princess - where does this other side come from?

To quote Shrek: I'm like an onion - onions have layers!:)

e lucevan le stelle

Just watching Classic Arts Showcase - Pavarotti just sang what I believe is my favorite tenor aria - E lucevan le stelle - but to be honest - I never knew the exact translation of the words - I just knew it was his final love letter to Tosca in Jail. They had subtitles on the tv. and the last lyrics are:

My dreams of pure love,
forgotten forever! All of it's gone now!
I die hopeless, despairing, and never before
have I loved life like this!

or

Now, my dream of love has vanished forever.
My last hour has flown, and I die hopeless!
And never have loved life more!

At any rate - it reminded me of my post a few nights ago where I talked about last fall - and how strange the pain was almost addicting -

But Pavarotti is brilliant - and just got a five minute standing ovation - and is now doing a reprise of the song - which I will sit back and enjoy...

You only give when you love (I read it on the box for my tea...)

Just skimmed over some old blog entries - it feels so weird how things that happened six months ago feel like yesterday...some things that happened yesterday feel like six years ago.

The old lady who stands to my left in Pinafore asked me why it always looked like I was daydreaming - I didn't realize I was so obvious about it...I guess it's exaggerated because - I can't look at the conductor, and by default the director who is next to the conductor, and I try not to look at her - because she has a habit of hitting my left arm and begging me to return her overdramatic facial expressions or complain about the wig she has to wear - which happens to be almost an exact replica of Ariel's in the Little Mermaid. I'm jealous of hers! Where I look like I escaped from SHOW BOAT! So - I have the girl to the right of me - and the sky...to look at - lol.

Meanwhile - a guy in Pinafore came up and said "I'm impressed by how much you know about Shakespeare - I don't know anyone who can talk about it like you." (duh.)

And then another girl and I had a beautiful conversation about Hinduism and it's different incarnations in India and South America. So I'm not too worried my brain has leaked out.

Too bad my gut is leaking out. All this singing means instead of taking three dance classes a day - I only take 1 - and instead of eating my healthy meals on time - i eat whatever is available at the theatre at 10 p.m. at night when I decide I can wait no longer for dinner. Tonight - we had a healthy main course of caramel corn, with a side of thin mint girlscout cookies. I feel like barfing just thinking about it. Damn opera singers - keeping caramel corn and thin mints around...dancers would never! LOL! So weird trying to belong to both worlds.

Kat and I had some really funny ideas for our Christmas c.d. we are attempting to make for fun today. We are rewriting the 12 days of Christmas. We were in Whole Foods - and apparenlty I laughed so loud it disturbed the other diners. It feels good to have my atomic laugh back.

I'm also reading a fantasy book - taking a break from the "random historical facts" genre - and reading about vampire hunters. It lacks - a lot - but is good brain candy for the time being.

Also - boo Sasha Cohen for dropping out of Skate America - I thought you were made of sterner stuff! I was so looking forward to seeing her new programs - she hasn't even announced the music yet! It makes you wonder...

Anyhow - I need sleep - it is a very valuable and treasured commodity nowadays - just like protein and vegetables! haha!

TWO WEEKS UNTIL SMOKED TURKEYS!

Don't mess with me and the bard!

I felt as though I was having an out of body experience all day. Things like - how strange this subway - what kind of people ride the subway - how strange ballet class - tendus eh? - how strange - sushi - It seemed as though I was floating outside my body looking in rather than inhabiting it myself.

This November is SO different than last Novemeber. In many ways - last November I was completely numb to everything - the most tantalizing piece of chocolate cake held no joy. (An involuntary anorexic - made so out of supreme depression?) In many ways this same depression - made me feel everything tenfold - happiness - sadness - frustration - you name it - I was an emotional mess laughing one minute bawling hysterically the next - aware of nothing yet aware of everything at once. A tap teacher once told me that people have a "pain body" and they get comfortable in it - almost enjoying the sensation of being in pain. In a sick demented way - I DO miss that. I miss the ability to not eat - I miss the ability to feel things so acutely - I miss the self discovery of every moment as I tried to articulate what I felt - I miss everyone flocking to me at all points in time to make sure I am ok - I miss the feeling of conquest every time I put a certain person in misery as well and the camraderie that built between people - very dark- very strange - but very alive - and yet dead at the same time. A schmorgesborg of contradiction.

This year - I seem to be the stable one - now paying back my truest friends by being their "rocks" as they break down on an hourly basis. It's strange the feeling of responsibility - and how that makes you, in a many ways, grow up. There are things that frustrate me and annoy me and make me want to punch people, but as a whole, I am happy. I am in a show, I just gave a vocal concert, I love my friends, I think I'm making progress with my career (at least training wise - right now there is literally nothing to audition for - not even belting tap dancing shows.) It makes me look at everything so differently. In many ways - far more logically and rationally - seeing a pumpkin doesn't send me into fit of elation - seeing a batman symbol doesn't drive me to hysterics. More of a calm enjoyment of the world - a more sedate frustration - trying to float down the river instead of paddle desperately upstream. In many ways - I love it - but I do miss the not eating --- haha.

Today we had tech for Pinafore - well - tech day 1. Went surprisingly smoothly and I confided in a friend what was making me uncomfortable - so we avoided the issues together - (she said she had noticed it and was wondering what was going on and thought it was awkward.) More importantly - I had an hour long Shakespeare conversation with four guys who call themselves thespians. Oh little did they know when they brought up Shakespeare what would happen... little did they know. One of them actually said "I don't feel that Shakespeare is relevant to our lives today and should never be presented." Aho! Aho! No no! No no! I'll leave the rest of this conversation to your imaginations! It was then followed by "Death and burial isn't an issue in Titus Andronicus." Ummmmmmm - A) I don't remember how this came up B) MY THESIS WAS ON THAT! (well my final paper for what was called my "thesis course." "What can we tell about how Elizabethans viewed death and burial in ancient Rome based on Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus." So - yes - imaginations once more. He then said "Romeo is a putz and I hate the play Romeo and Juliet." Imaginations. He then mentioned social change and Phillip Glass (Satyagraha anyone?) Imaginations again. Then - in a SUPERBLY bizarre chain of events - he asked if he could try a ballet lift with me. I gave his a skeptical look but said he could try. (Boy looks like - well - is my brother used to be "crappy toothpick" - he looks like "crappy rubberband.") So we do the lift - and he fails many times - before saying "I suck - I have no muscles." I can't tell if he was trying to show off - or just being weird - or trying to make me stop schooling him in Shakespeare...some old guy eventually joined the conversation and was like "wow - you know you stuff." (DUH!)

This is maybe why I don't get boys...blah...

Hrmmmm - MAYYYYYYYBE this is the best way to rid myself of the Pinafore problem "talk the creepy person to death about Shakespeare" - most excellent idea if I do say so myself!

Sleep well all of you out there in blogger land.