2009-2010

Wow - a year has gone by. In some ways it feels like a millenium and in some ways it feels like a single heartbeat. It has been a crazy year of growth full of highs and low, and many lessons learned from several amazing teachers - many journeys both physical and emotional - and many new friends made along the way.

There is a song in RENT called 525600 minutes - that asks the audience how does one measure a year. Of course - chronologically, it is easy to measure a year - but to measure the actual VALUE of a year - that is more difficult.

This is the year of Mermaid. All of the wonderful things that a little Disney mermaid taught me and gave me. It is a year where I found my (very soprano) voice. A year where I improved my dancing monumentally. Where I learned how much I can manipulate my physical appearance. A year where I took a few steps (albeit they small ones) towards getting a job that may one day because sustaining and/or a backup plan. (Yay party planning?) It is a year where I learned how to sort through friends - and keep the valuable ones, and treasure them, and do everything possible to be the best friend to them I can be. There is a line All's Well That Ends Well... Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none. - I think that about sums it up for me. It was a year od facing fears and overcoming them. A year of cheesy teen movies and home made cookies. A year of reuniting with intelligent witty lovely people and family. A year of random facts and bizarre books, exciting Broadway shows, board games, welcoming a friends first baby into the world. seeing a friend open in her THIRD Broadway show, a year of me actually performing, a year of me learning it is o.k. for me to be myself and that myself is enough, no need to put on facades, a year of seeing Sam Trouters in Julius Caesar, and a year of idea seed being planted. Next year - they will have to grow.

for 2010 - I want to book a theatre job! Just book it!

I want to be in the best physical condition of my life thus far.

I want to acutally make the things I say I want to do come to fruition (youtube video about evil ballet shoe anyone? Showcase for agents?)

I want to meet my boyfriend.

I want to be more relaxed about "going with the flow" of things

I want to explore - actually visit the people I say I'm gonna visit - and experience the world more fully. (Evan, Mo...)

I want to read more.

I want to see more live shows.

I want to keep the apartment beautiful - like an adult.

I want to become financially independent - (BOOK IT THEATRE JOBS! BOOK IT!)

I want to be a good friend to those I know and care about, and family member to my family.

I want to love everything I do, always look on the bright side of life, and search for the ridiculous in everything for I will surely find it.

2009 - Thank you for all you have to offer - all the lessons - all the gifts - all the friends!

2010 - Let's make this the best year thus far and ring in the New Year with a smile!

CHRISTMAS EVE!

You have to love Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve day - the last minute shopping - (and GROCERY SHOPPING - bizarrely one of my favorite activities in the world) - baking - and Christmas wrapping. Truly, I love Christmas Eve more than just about any other day. The excited happy anticipation of what the morrow will hold - presents, family, family's reaction to the presents you got them, the FOOD, the tree getting so much attention (I FINALLY put up the final candy canes), if you do venture out to - oh say - the beach - everyone saying MERRY CHRISTMAS or HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Christmas - there is a sadness, you know the moments are all fleeting, but Christmas EVE - you know they are still to come! This year was extra special because my dad made Beef Wellington - Yum-o! It was like having a Christmas dinner BEFORE Christmas dinner!

Who knows where this Christmas will rank on the overall scheme of Christmases. But I know I'm happy - I made my mint chip cookies (See previous entry) and have another bag of mint chips to make ANOTHER BATCH! OH BOY! OH BOY! And Traditional Christmas Sugar Cookies. AND - I'm taking on a relatively behemoth project of baking a maple walnut cake with maple cream cheese frosting. It smells delicious thus far, but who knows about the final result! I do wait with baited breath --- baited mainly to stop myself from smelling the cakes and eating them all now - before they are frosted!

Well - msnbc.coms Santa tracker says that Santa is right over my head - so I suppose I should go to bed. But I wanted to write about the glory that is Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas to one and all!:)

Mint Cookies

I love Mint Cookies. We make them every Christmas (since I was in 4th grade) - and it reminds me of everything that is good and happy!

I made them tonight - and ate two of them - and happiness abounded everywhere. So delicious. I wanted to share the recipe with anyone who might read.

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
1 1/4 cups sugar divided
3/4 cups vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 10 ounce package of Nestles toll house mint morsels

Combine flour, baking powder, and salt - set aside.

Mix 1 cup sugar, veg oil, beaten eggs, vanilla.
Gradually beat in flour mixture
Stir in mint chips.
Shape into balls using rounded teaspoons full of dough.
Roll in remaining 1/4 cup sugar and place on ungreased cookie sheet.
Baked at 350 for 8-10 minutes.
Cool completely on wire racks.

Please make them and enjoy! (AND - if you read this and happen to be allergic to dairy - may I suggest making them without chips (or with chips you can eat) and mint extract to get the minty deliciousness!

SNOW!

My flight was delayed for a "blizzard" which - in NYC - is better described as a light covering of snow - but apparently in DC is was a full out blizzard. I was bummed I couldn't go home, but it was also a nice opportunity to take some more dance classes!:) And in the process - I was asked by one of the teachers (Jeff) to dance with his "company"*** at Easter.

*** company is a term used VERY light loosely - it's really a group of dancers he likes that he asks to dance at homeless shelters on holidays and give those less fortunate a better day than they would have otherwise had. Occasionally he choreographs shows, but you have to audition properly for them, and he is not the only say in the casting.

Anyhow, New York was hysterical yesterday. You would have thought there was a hurricane or something. Fairway actually had employees directing traffic within the store, and shelves were empty from people panicking and grabbing food. Classes were cancelled (Fortunately - with the exception of Patti) all of my teachers braved the --- "storm" - and fun dancing was had for all.

I had a heart to heart with Jana - who told me the only reason she had never asked me to dance with her company was because she thought I didn't want to - but I was more than welcome to. Haha! All that worry for nothing. She also gave me insight about how to dress etc...for auditions. I'm a work in progress as always.

Anyhow - I need to go to bed - so I can go to the magical land of Christmas in Florida! And bake MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!

reuniting...

I've been reuniting with old friends - and it's been - comforting - lunch with Gina today, dinner with Mark visiting from Orlando last night (He paid for dinner! Amazing),and e-mailing Evan.

I've also been watching a lot of GLEE (as Gina says - Lea Michel's voice is like auditory crack) - working a lot - and being utterly knackered - trying to get my "in shape" body back after Pinafore, making a video for youtube based on Kat's 12 Days of Christmas. I'd like to do some other more intelligent Shakespeare educational youtube videos, but this is a relatively simple low stakes foray into the world on video editing. Who knows what will actually happen, but whilst not being seen at auditions, may as well be productive in other venues.

Looking forward to Christmas! And Mint Cookies!

???

Today Kat got a Job, Cara basically got a job, and Reinking decided she is definitely going to London.

Why do I suck.

Oh - and PS - went to the audition this morning - GUESS WHAT! I WASN'T SEEN! IEJfnCoub892P579235bc798234bcP#89RU#;IJEF

x-mas c.d.

THE CHRISTMAS CD IS RECORDED! HOOOORAY! It is a small victory - but it is an idea I had - that I said I was gonna do - that I actually did! HIP HIP HOORAY!

There is another Yeston Phantom auditioning tomorrow - it's equity - it's a one day EPA - I'm having a hard time convincing myself it's worth waking up for. I was barely seen at a three day non-equity EPA - sigh

And all I REALLY want to do - is eat mint chocolate chip cookies - fortunatley for me - mint chocolate chips are hard to find in NYC - I've yet to do it.

I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about this getting seen conundrum. I've been harping on it for over a year - and no solution has arrived...I suppose lots of mailings - submitting myself - being amazing when I am seen - I don't know - I'm usually quite good at cracking these sorts of cases --- there must be an answer - I'm just not seeing it - I wonder what is blocking the way...

hugs and more...

Well I DID get the same hugging reception from Trevor as I did from Josh. All of my fears were but shadows and dust - Trevor does indeed love me - and explained the lack of correspondence and why I wasn't the best choice for A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC, etc... and I felt a lot better. The most ridiculous part was - I was actually standing outside the theatre CRYING before the show...silly...

Troughton, Trevor, Marcia, Josh, Andrew, JLF, Ellie, I still am part of their world. There was no shunning, no hating, no failing, just my own nightmares which I gave too much credit to - all silliness - but no more running - only reaching my full potential.

Some friends and I are recording our Christmas c.d. tomorrow!

I was actually seen at a singing audition! I was kept to dance - but SURPRISE! Was then immediately cut. Totally bizarre since everyone was a hot mess - being SINGERS - Kat went to the dance call and was kept - said they kept all people 5'2 and under - they are apparently casting the "kitten" in CATS - but who knows - one day - I'll crack this dance audition curse which seems to befuddle - everyone but the casting people...hrmmmmm...

Finally saw Twilight - what a ridiculously beautiful cast they have.

Have TWO princess gigs this weekend - yeah - I'm just rolling in the dough - lol. (I wish!)

Now - tis time for someone to hire me to do what I do REALLY well!:)

EVERYTHING WAS RAGTIME!

Yesterday - I was gang groped by four inebriated fat British men at the Pinafore cast party - only to NOT BE RESCUED - but groped by the guy who asked me out on a date - who kept saying "you're coming home with me tonight right" as he inappropriately grinded against me - I decided A) he just lost all chances of me actually going on a date with him and B) it was time to leave ASAP - as I put my coat on - I noticed one of the few people I liked in the cast was on the ground with one of the drunk british men on top of her - he had lost the ability to stand due to too much alochol - fallen over - knocked her down - and in the process of the fall - she banged her head on the food table - she ended up going to the ER and being fine - but EGAD! What an obnoxious group of old british men!

TODAY ---- I faced one of my fears! I went to RAGTIME! And it was ASTOUNDING! It was everything one could hope for in a show and more! Everyone should go see it IMMEDIATELY! I saw Josh in the audience - (he is in the show - but also acting as dance captain and associate director so he swung himself out to take notes) - and he came running up to me and gave me a HUGE hug - and I realized my fears were silly! Josh - and Marcia - and the entire professional theatre world hadn't shunned me! He welcomed me we open arms and we are going to get together and catch up properly over lunch or coffee! (Josh - FYI - is the person responsible for me meeting Austin...haha...but I've also AD-ed him as well as the director of Ragtime - both wonderful talented people who deserve nothing but the best in life!) Anyway - I'm glad I face my fear - and saw a fabulous fabulous show!

Next up - Trevor's show on Wednesday - I do not expect the same warm greeting - but it is something I needs must do...

oh geez

Oh geeez - so many shows I have to see in the next two weeks!! So little time! So little money!

Ragtime

night Music

Les Contes d'Hoffman

Nutcracker (with cara in it)

The Globe's Love's Labours Lost

Met's Mock Audition Panel

I give up all chance of seeing HAMLET

Facing fears

I have a fear that I am a failure - and all of these people I have been avoiding are merely evidence of that. Kristen, Trevor, Marcia, Josh...all people who I worked with when I was on track to be the greatest director ever - before getting lost, or side tracked, or failing, or whatever happened.

Well - this Sunday I am facing my fears --- I going to see their shows - and hopefully them (assuming I decide Nigh Music is worth the necessary $137 to spend.)

It scares me, but it's time I face my fears. I don't belong buffing floors at Steps and entertaining 4 year olds in knock off Disney costumes. I BELONG on Broadway. I BELONG in the professional theatre world - whether it's director or performing - it's where I belong. It's where I have always belonged. The only thing keeping me is fear and insecurity - and that needs to end ... now.

And now - I'd like to share Ariel's first lyrics in the Broadway LITTLE MERMAID:

This is where I belong
Beneath the clear wide blue here!
I feel completely new here in the world above!
It’s like my life was wrong
And somehow, now, at last I’m in
My own skin
Up here in the world above!

There’s so much light here
Light and space!
The sun’s so bright here
Upon my face!
It feels so right here
Warm as love...
Life seems to be
Almost calling to me
From this strange new world above!

back to NYC

First of all, what is with people on airplanes busting out three course meals? This one today isn’t SOOOO bad because it isn’t so smelly –but normally – eeeeesh! So bizarre to me –I feel bad for eating a sandwich! They bring out a freaking platter with turkey, potatoes, vegetables, coleslaw, salad, and bread!

Secondly, what is up with all the people against gay marriage? The one argument in the senate AGAINST gay marriage in NY was that it isn’t respecting religions where gay marriage is frowned upon. Aren’t we a free nation without a national religion? And weren’t we founded to free to practice whatever religion we chose HOW we chose? What about religions where gay marriage is allowed? What if someone just created one where everyone had to be gay and married? And who does it really hurt? This has got to be one of the stupidest internal debates the US has ever been involved in – and is a true testament to how ignorant, stubborn, and ridiculous so many people are. Whether gay people get married has ZERO impact on my life –or anyone else’s apart from theirs – so let them be. Don’t be lame people.

Well - I’m writing this on the plane on my way back to NYC. Ready to meet my new roommate – hope she is cool and we have lots of fun living together – and that we are able to help, support, and push one another to be the best that we can possibly be.

It’s always hard to leave home – sunshine – food – SPACE – relaxation – but it’s also always good to get back to my environment where I can make things happen. There is so much I want to do – but right now – I feel like I’m at an aquarium – and all the things I want to do are on the other side of the glass – how to get over?

At least I feel I’m getting back into physical shape – 10 days and almost chocolate free! (only chocolate was in the chips of mint chip ice cream!:))

And now – because I feel it’s an obligation - some memorable moments of being home since I last wrote:

-Watching the Michael Jackson movie with Meaghan, Ryan, and Lauren. I resisted seeing it – but it was a really interesting insight into Michael Jackson’s creative process and an opportunity to see 11 of the most amazing dancers I have ever seen! They personified “FIERCE.”

-Brunch with DSOA people – a Thanksgiving leftover party where I got to meet my friend Gina’s baby – Finn. I’m slightly disturbed that I wanted to treat him like a ROO – not a baby – but what can do. He was actually cute and managed to bring out a rare bit of maternal instinct in me.

-Sitting in Morgan’s dad’s tiki hut – and catching up with her – evidence that some people will always be there – no matter what the distance or how long time passes between talks.:)

-Discussing A DOLL’S HOUSE with my mom – it’s always nice to intelligently discuss theatre.

-Eating leftover turkey sandwiches – gotta love a brined perfectly smoked turkey!:)

-Realizing that one can have too much twinkle in their front lawn – or at lease too much for one outlet to handle.

-FINALLY GETTING A ROOMMATE! (Despite not being in NYC or meeting her – but the amazing Kat doing everything in my stead! Some friends are just ridiculous.)

-Being weirdly interested in the Tiger Woods scandal. I remember last year it was Bernie Madoff…quite a flip side of the coin! (and how interesting is it that 80% of people (according to a poll on NBC) are able to forgive Tiger and not let it diminish their opinion of him – but politicians are ruined – what does this say about society? I just find it intriguing…