book clubs and dance class

TODAY I GOT TO TAKE CLASS WITH FABRIZIO. Too bad I sucked - but it was still fun! I knew I'd be atrocious - he was teaching the combo to A CHORUS LINE. I wasn't atrocious compared to rest of the students - but I was atrocious for me. A well - what can you do. We talked afterwards - and beforewards - and it was just generally lovely - because he is lovely - and makes me silly.

Then - I went to Reinking's "book club" meeting - she is creating a book club amongst her closest friends - two of whom are really cool. It was a surprisingly good time - and I guess I"m going to get jiggy with a Margaret Atwood book in the not too distant future.

Then the cast list for Fiddler came out! 53 people were cast and my name has third billing! Mind boggling! I keep thinking I'm going ot wake up and it's going to be a fake!

Now! I need to get a role - where I am PAID! siiiiiiigh - to be seen - to be seen -

Japanese Bread Baskets

I have to tell you - the pressure to perform well at these children's birthday parties is high! You have to create their special magical moment - they truly believe Cinderella is coming to THEIR birthday - special - for them - because they are turning FIVE - and what in the world could be more important? I hope I can keep their belief in the magic and the dreams alive - the audience may be small - and young - and certainly far from Ben Brantley in theatre going experience - but they are tough - and have high expectations. The pressure is on and I am up for the challenge.

Apparently there were over 10,000 EQUITY submissions for my director friends OKLAHOMA! (WHAT? There ARE 10,000 active equity members?) So alas - I can not and will not be seen. SOB! Such a shame. I'm really going to have to go to AFTRA - YAY EXTRA WORK! Here I come. Actually - it may be a cool way to ear some cash on the side as well! And who knows - someone may need a bizarre looking dancing soprano figure skater for a role with lines one day! haha!

It just feels like cheating. At the same time - WTF? I need to get seen! When I AM seen - I do well! It's just - I'm never seen! BLARGH!

At the same time - I have some other projects on the line. Oddly - the other day - I *think* I was offered an opera to direct - it was completely random and unexpected and unsolicited - just a girl asked me if I would want to direct the fall opera with her opera company - I was like - errrrr - sure? What is it? We'll talk --- I'll let you know?...not sure if it pays - and VLOG is considering me to direct their Fall Gilbert and Sullivan...I mean - can you turn down an opera if it is handed to you? Is this opera even BEING handed to me? I'm confused...

I am ALSO happy that these opera companies see me as BOTH a performer AND director - which is what I ultimately WANT to be! Like my good buddy Kenneth Branagh. I find it interesting that THEY are far more open minded about it than musical theatre and straight theatre. IF I really AM being offered an opera to direct - it would be silly to turn it down - since I find opera directing INCREDIBLE, fascinating, innovative, beautiful, unique, ground breaking, intelligent, epic, and everything wonderful - but whenever I apply to do any directing, I get "you have no experience" - to which I have no choice but to say true. To GET experience - would be amazing - especially if there is at least a stipend. Then Met Opera here I come! LOL!

Anyway - in social news - today I was introduced to the Japanese tea-house Cha-An with JP and his new girly, Kat, Cara, and two other delightful amazing Asian friends. It was - a little crazy - not gonna lie. The chai tea was amazing and the bread basket was out of this world - but yes - Chai tea being indian and bread - not exactly being Japanese made the theme somewhat confusing - but delicious!:)

discombobulated entry...

It's almost time for my favorite show on t.v. - CLASSIC ARTS SHOWCASE!!!!

Anyhoo - got my hair done today - it is now a beautiful shade of chocolate cherry brown with slightly more cherry-y highlights. I love it!

I also ended up eating way more today than I originally intended. I'm slightly disturbed by that fact...

AHHH! classic arts showcase just came on - the first piece is a Phillip Glass excerpt! LOOOOOVE! Amina Mundi - Glass and wildlife! YAY!

Anyhow - not that much exciting happened today. I wrote to a director I know begging them to be seen for OKLAHOMA! Hopefully an appointment will come to fruition - but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

Have coffee with two girls from Pinafore - (more precisely - they had coffee - I had hot chocolate. Hung out with Kat and Cara a little - where the dance studio fed us cake and cookies - we're still not sure why...

This is a very disjointed entry. My apologies.

TZEITEL

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

I was finally cast in something! I was cast in the Village Light Opera's FIDDLER ON THE ROOF

playing the role of Tzeitel - Tevye's oldest daughter - no she isn't the one who sings "Far from the Home I Love" - no she isn't the one who dances the ballet either - she's the one who refused to marry the gross butcher and decided to marry the diminuitive and somewhat wimpy tailor Motel - breaking the TRADITION of matches being made by the matchmaker and defying her father who already decided she should marry the butcher Lazar Wolf. (Tevye wants her to marry the gross old butcher because he is SUPER rich and - we all know what Tevye wants - MONEY - hence the famous "If I Were a Rich Man" song.)

So - this production pay anything - not does it get equity points so why do I care? Well - first off - it is AMAZING to be that in high school and college I couldn't get cast in ANYTHING - and in New York - I managed to beat out people with degrees - and people who DID get the roles in college and highschool - for a role. And we are talking good school like Manhattan School of music! I heard everyone else audition - we were all IN the room together - I was freaking out - they were DANG good! I was honored and humbled to even be in the mix with them! I thought for SURE I wouldn't make it past the first cut - I thought my only chance for getting cast at all was to play Chava - because she dances a ballet - and - well - let's face it - few opera singers are proficient at that. But I was cast for a character that does NOT dance ballet - I was cast purely on my voice (oddly - my BELTING voice) and my acting ability!:) I consider it a huge honor to be cast amongst this company!

Secondly - I did it without kissing u to anyone - a lot of people apparently put in a lot of kissing up time between Pinafore and this - one who is now suing the company claiming they didn't cast him because he is Asian - and they should cast him no matter what because of the kissing up time he did. (Side note: I love how no one EVER takes into consideration that they weren't the best one there for whatever role --- I always think SOB! i wasn't cast because I suck! I seem to be the only one who thinks this way.......I should maybe change that...) Even during Pinafore - I just came in - did my job - hardly socialized - and left knowing I put in a good day's work. And I HOPE the work is paying off in my performances and auditions!:)

Thirdly - I reallllly need experience getting comfortable in front of an audience - witht he lights - the lights continually throw me. Cara said at my concert last night I looked more comfortable than she had ever seen me - and it was no accident I was getting more callbacks. (Actually - I was just SEEN for things last week - but she does have a point - I was EXCITED to go on stage - not nervous I would mess up. I was like - alright -let me show off!) Anyhow - it's been a reallllly long time since I've had to carry huge chunks of a show - and this will be fabulous safe experience - where I can build confidence and comfort - and just feel at home on a stage and creating truthful moments in front of audiences. Good practice for when I'm cast as Ariel somewhere!:)

Fourthly - I can invite AGENTS!!!!!!!!!! AND CASTING DIRECTORS! To come seeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And maybe LIKE me - and sign me - and get me appointments - so I CAN BE SEEEEEEEEEEN!:) And get PAYING WORK! And EQUITY! Equity paying work! And the great white way! Alright - perhaps I'm getting carried away - but it is a great opportunity that has the potential to open several doors! I am thrilled beyond measure!

I don't think I'll get cast in the knock off Phantom. I had an AWFUL audition today. After all the work on Meg - they had me read for another girl - who I hadn't looked over at all! It was horrible! And it was me and a bunch of 12 year olds - followed by the WEIRDEST dance call I have ever been too. I'm not sure who was more confused - me - or the choreographer- or the 12 year olds... Anyhow - my dancing was great - and - they were weird and left our headshots on a table so I could read what they wrote on it - they said something about a strong voice on mine - which is good - but BOOOOO on my acting! NOT truthful good work there. Scatterbrained awful phoning it in work! But that's ok - I can't do BOTH Phantom and Fiddler - they conflict - and Zeitel is the MUCH better role of the two! Bummed I didn't put forth my best work - but still thrilled about Zeitel!:)

I also have to see a lot of shows - there are apparently two AMAZING Shakespeares playing at BAM - and I want to see IN THE HEIGHTS.

But really what all of this makes me want to do is get a an actual theatre JOB JOB JOB that PAYS PAYS PAYS so there will be no more pretty princess dress-up or floor buffing - or dog sitting - but even Kenneth Branagh had to do crap - so - if Kenneth could do it - so can I! ...for now...

TZEITEL is a good start!:)

when did I stop being a spoiled 14 year old...

To add to that previous blog - why am I finding it so hard to play a spoiled bratty 14 year old? Does it hit too close to home? And why is everyone else called back for this role - actually 14? or under 5 feet? BLAH! I'm scared - and feel GIANORMOUS! lol.

On the other hand - the concert went tonight. Woohoo.

Tall

When did I become tall? Remember when I was all upset because I was so short and everyone called me shrimp and shortcakes - and the doctor once told me he wasn't sure I'd clear 5 feet? Now - I keep finding myself in the tall girl line ups! The tall girls of the fiddler sisters - too tall to be a ballerina in the Phantom - too tall to play the "little girls" - this is so strange to me! I am even tall enough to be a Rockette! (if only I could tap...)

The weirdest part is - I'm not actually tall! LOL! Everyone else is just short! Weirdness...

today's callback.

You may think that you have the coolest dad in the world but you would be wrong - I have the coolest dad in the world. How many dads do you know who would text their daughters sad things about their dogs to help them get to a "crying place" moments before an audition? Not that many I tell you - not that many...but MINE does. Be jealous - be very jealous.

At any rate - I had my Fiddler callback today. I think it went well - but you can never really tell - that is the difference between skating and theatre - you really have no idea what the judges are looking for. Sure in skating the judges can be biased - but at the end of the day - they are looking for technical requirements. In theatre - they could be looking for height, vocal type, nose shape, hair color, someone with a happy energy, someone with a depressive energy, someone with an angry energy, someone who can cry on cue - someone who can laugh on cue - naturalism, overdramatics, dance ability (and that has it's own separate range) - you really don't know. You just have to go in and do your best - a tap teacher of mine calls it fighting the good fight. I don't know if my acting was what they were looking for - but I feel I put forth truthful performances that I am proud of - and I did my homework before and it showed. (Especially since I don't read music - I had to have an emergency Mary lesson before to learn it.)

Now - if you read this blog you know I have a legit soprano voice - and struggle with the belting. When I saw Mary - she said to just sing it out of whatever voice felt comfortable - so - we worked on the songs using a mixed belt - leaning towards legit soprano. Of course, I get there - and the music director says she wants it BELTED - not mixed - and definitely not legit. She makes anyone mixing do it again - trying to belt - and I'm basically freaking out because I'm imagining her telling me "could you try it again with a belt" and me having to say "no." My turn came and I was like - oh f-it - just - try to belt - it'll be less embarassing than being asked to try it again and failing - may as well fail the first time! HAHA! (what positive thinking eh?) So there I went - and apparently I didn't fail - I succeeded. The music director said "very strong" and I was one of four Tzeitels asked to stay until the end. Huh. Belting got me through? I guess my opera voice is untrained enough it sounds like belting compared to the divas. Or my acting was just that good. Who knows - as I said before - you have NO idea what they are looking for. I certainly heard some fabulous belts that were not kept. What I can be proud of no matter what the final outcome is this callback was PURELY on singing and performing- not on dancing (that I know of - I did go to the dance call which turned out to be only for men - and they made me do the bottle dance - where a bunch of Jewish men do a traditional Jewish dance with bottles on their heads - lol) - the character I was called back for doesn't dance - but does walk in rhythm with arms above her head a few times. Who knows - my bottle dancing may have been THAT impressive. lol.

Well - I suppose I should forget about it and move onto the next thing - the concert I'm singing in tomorrow night! I'll be singing two Rogers and Hammerstein songs - that have no belting in them at all! Home sweet home! I love me some R&H! And then - a callback for a knock off Phantom of the Opera - I'm called back for Christine's best friend - the ballerina soprano Meg who is emotionally excitable and melodramatic. Lol. I just hope I'm not too big - I tend to be too big to be a ballerina in most arenas. It's not even a matter of fat so much as bone structure and body type. What makes me look like a Russian Jew does NOT make me look like a French ballerina! LOL! But as aforementioned- who knows what they are looking for - maybe Meg needs to have a big bum and muscular legs! The better for running away from the Phantom with my dear!:)

Well - I'm knackered - and realized that I had scrambled eggs for every meal today. Must go grocery shopping...

That's all folks!:)

weird day

Today was a very very strange day. I am convinced that most of the people in my vocal workshop are not mentally stable. While I do envy their ability to cry without thinking about their dead dog for 40 minutes --- I'm not sure I envy their inability to STOP crying, or to throw up immediately after crying, or perhaps more oddly, take their shirts off whilst crying. I'm not sure I have ever been compelled to take my shirt off in front of a group of people while crying. I suppose this means they are free with their emotions and lack inhibitions - and maybe I should show my nipples to world like two other young ladies did - but - maybe I should go back to directing instead...or - become a better actress?

After watching some very strange renditions of songs such as DAY-O the banana boat song - and Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera - I began second doodling on my paper - hoping that bad karma won't result in a miserable performance on Wednesday...It's also strange because several of the people in the workshop are not --- very good - but Mary tells them they are fabulous and stars and should be working right now! And I wonder --- if everything everyone tells me is just as --- fanciful? falsely encouraging? quixotic? far from the truth? Hyperbolic? It doesn't help that we got the dvds of our last showcase today - and while I actually look really really pretty and "act" very well - my singing is ---- a weeee bit pitchy at place. I mean - it's undeniable - yet - everyone denies it and says I'm not! WHY DO WE ALL DELUDE EACH OTHER!? Crazy. (PS - I'm just as guilty of this deluding as everyone else.)

Then I went to Jana and Pilates - normal - phew!

Then - ate dinner with Kat - on the train home - I got a text from Cara - saying she got a job as a topless dancer in Vegas which she is taking - which is pretty darn weird in my humble opinion - but she is happy so good for her.

Then I came home where one of the Pinafore boys started telling me via IM that I needed to do sense memory for the role of Tzeitel - and imagine all of the bad penises that have entered me - or having to live with fat conductors man's penis - imagine that horror that I would not want to live with - then imagine his (boy IMing) robotic penis as Motel or something - It was SOOOOOO disturbing! I promptly stopped IMing - and thought about roo- resulted in uncontrollable sobbing for a while and now I'm watching weird BBC Austen movies to think happy thoughts before bed....

Alright - well - THAT was a weird day...

May tomorrow be AMAZING Wonderful and fantastic - and if weird - weird for all the right reasons and all the best ways!:)

Skating Nationals

Wow - wouldn't it be fabulous to be a 16 year old straight A student and an Olympian...

I have to say - I know I am quite often an emotional wreck - full of vendettas and weird bizarre emotional baggage, but figure skating has taught me a lot - which becomes super apparent when I compare how non-ice skaters approach success and failure trials and tribulations versus non-skaters.

For example - in ice skating we have a saying that is "one element at a time" - meaning - if you fall on your triple lutz triple toe - you have to forget about it and concentrate on the next element of your program. This is true of life - you mess up once - you can't let it mess up the rest of your day/week/year/ etc... Additionally - you can't get too excited over any one jump - start celebrating and then mess up the next one because you are basking in the glory of your beautiful triple axel. Keep going - one element at a time - execute each individual element to the best of your ability. As with elite ice skaters, sometimes I am better at achieving this than others - but it's always a good goal to strive towards.

Another thing is - each season - each competition - each program segment - is a new opportunity. Take Miki Ando - in 2006 she was awful and fat and had a heinous costume. The next season she worked her butt off (literally AND metaphorically) and became world champion. Pretty awesome! She didn't give up - she got to work! So - alright - one audition season sucked - one year no one is hiring new directors or A.D.s - but this is a new season! Who knows what can happen. Just do the work.

Accept defeat gracefully and treat your competitors with respect. How classy was Sasha - hugging everyone who beat her - how classy was Michelle Kwan when she said "I didn't lose the gold - I won the silver" - of course - there was that whole Tonya Harding incident - but we'll choose to overlook that. One day your competitors may be your team mates - you may tour with them with Stars on Ice - and let's face it - they are who truly push you to be the best that you can be - if someone has a quad toe - well - you're gonna do everything in your power to get a quad toe AND a quad flip! Then they'll go for a quad lutz - then you'll do for a quad axel - and so on and so forth. Without them - you'd just sit on your sofa and eat bagel bits all day...they are also the people who understand what you go through on a daily basis - they are your peers and can be your best friends - so - treat them well - honor their successes and use it to work harder so you can beat them next season!:) Then tour with them on stars on ice for the rest of your skating days laughing on tour bus all the way! lol!

Also - the game isn't over until the fat lady sings - and ice is slippery. Sure Kim Yu-Na seems unbeatable - but on any given Sunday anything can happen - so you have to play the gave - and don't give into defeat - go to the auditions - go to the trials - go take your algebra test - go program your computer games - give it everything you got - and who knows - the judges may just award you a gold medal!

And a healthy optimistic attitude never hurt anyone!:)

Hold on!

Today I took Jana in the a.m. instead of ballet (she was subbing) - and it was such a happy coincidence - a very therapeudic and refreshing class.

Then - I had lunch with Gina before she moves back to Florida - we went to Mario Batali's pizza shop called OTTO - ridiculously amazing pizza! It was good - we analyzed Shakespeare - and I learned why she had the secret wedding and why on Jenny was invited - and my mind was put completely to rest - and my belly made completely full.

Then I had a voice - which was really good ACTING wise - I think...and singingwise --- I had been listening to the song HOLD ON from SECRET GARDEN and I was like - aha! I want to to sing this song and it's all belty - so perhaps I'll bring it to Mary - and I did - and she was like - ooooh wow - I like where this is living - it sounds really good - it isn't a big chest belt - but it is a "soprano belt" (whatever that means...) and then when singing through it I burst into tears - I suppose because I was "connecting" - "And it doesn't even matter if the danger and the doom come from up above or down below or just come flying at you from across the room - when you see a man who's raging and he's jealous 'cause he fears that you've walked through walls he's hid behind for years what you do then is you tell yourself this old thing you heard me say - it's this day not you that's bound to go away." I was a heaving mess for about two minutes - and Mary started crying - and supposedly that is good - but it's awfully hard to sing when sobbing.

Then I went to Jean-Paul's - where we ate dumplings and massive amounts of ice cream - and watched ice skating on youtube - and read funny articles on the Onion on-line.

So overall - lots of laughing and break throughs - which are all good - haha - now I just hope I don't break through the seem of my pants tomorrow when trying to be a soprano singing ballerina at TWO auditions! Chava for FIDDLER and Meg for some bizarre all percussion PHANTOM - where I have to look closer to 15 then 25 or - er --- 28... (apparently the ballet dancers - of which Meg is one - range from 10-18 - and Meg is listed as between 18-25 - Little Mermaid dress it is then!)

I also found out I didn't get a Straw Hat audition - Straw Hat is a non-equity audition grouping - where you perform for 10-20 regional theatres who wouldn't ordinarily see you. How sad is it that I can't even PAY to get an audition. BLARGHLEBOTS! (they took my $40 and didn't even give me an audition!) So here I go - off to non-paying theatre - YEEHAW! At least I have an audition buddy now - Kim -too bad my audition buddy shows me up! haha! But she makes everything was more fun - and we arent really going in for the same parts - so it's all good.

My happy thought

Since - I'm feeling very --- unpleasant - about something --- mysterious - that will perhaps be elaborated upon to my one follower in an e-mail or frustrated venting phone call (sorry --- I know you just can't wait) - I'm going to write about my happy thought.

In - exactly - 12 days - I will get to see Fabrizio - and we will dance - and he will make me smile - because just the very thought of him makes me silly and giggly - and hopefully - and encouraged - and optimistic - and smiley - much less - actually working with him - he gives me jobs - he gives me training - he gives me wise words - he gives me Prince Eric - and general happiness - FABRIZIO! THE LIGHT! THE LIGHT IN THE PIAZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

editor

hrmmmmmm - Mattiller just looked over some essays I've been working on (essay, letters, the like) and ------- rewrote them all - using my basic wording but somehow making them sound like literary masterpieces that understood me and my ideas better than I know me and my ideas. My mind - is blown away.

fabrizio dance class

Fabrizio will be teaching theatre dance on Sundays starting Jan 31. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

imagination

Being a Disney Princess at a birthday party really is a magical job. For an hour or two you create a world where dreams really do come true - and everyone surrounding you believes absolutely that you came to the party in a magic coach and that you will go home to Prince Charming. Little girls tell you how beautiful you are and how they want to be you when they grow up. They all want you to come and sleep over or see their new sofa or play with their dolls. If you tell them they are marvelous dancers they leap with joy. They all want to know you opinion of exactly how delicious the cake is, or what color sparkles they should wear, or what the best dancer pose is. The gasps you hear when you walk into the room - eyes filled with wonder and awe - CINDERELLA IS REAL! There is nothing like it!

To be a bit more profound about the whole ordeal, I have now moved onto a book about Peter Brook - called conversations with the birds - about his quixotic journey to Africa with a troupe of 11 actors to prove that make believe is essential for human existence - as essential he claims as "food or sex." His mission was to make theatre more than icing on the cake - he wanted to make it necessary to society - as "it once was and still is in some cultures." (For those of you who don't know who Peter Brook is - he would be one of the most acclaimed and revolutionary directors of the 20th centure - he was the first to break the "Olivier mould" of realism and explore "the empty space" in a new way - epitomized by his production of A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DREAM performed in a white box, fairies in combat boots, with an aim of focusing on the text rather than the set or costumes. Ironically, the production is not remembered for text or brilliant character development but rather the set or costumes - or more precisely - lack od set and costumes.

At any rate, my job I feel is living proof that human crave and need make believe. Even the parents get swept up in the fun - laughing as they do the chicken dance and ask me questions about how hard it is to dance in glass slipper or what food do we mermaids eat under the sea. To the children - make believe is second nature - they want to believe and do believe. I am far from answering Peter Brook's question about WHY we need imagination - and I don't believe he ever succeeded in articulating an answer either - but I do know his intuition is correct - and I am thrilled that I get to help make magic happen for little girls for a few hours every weekend.

late night thought

Life can be most exhausting when it is most inspiring ---

Or maybe it's just because there are a bunch of drunk guys outside of my window shouting something about beerpong keeping me from sleeping - who knows...

You're a queer one - Julie Jordan.

Today I "auditioned" songs to sing for Mary's workshop for the class - and I sang Carrie Pipperidge's song from Carousel and one of Julie Jordans. Now - everyone says I would make a fabulous Carrie because she is the quirky funny sidekick one - and I always get all upset and cry and wonder why I'm not pretty - and say BUT IM JULIE! And they all say no no no - you are Carrie. And since my New Years resolution was to just take whatever professional challenge is thrown at me (see go with the flow) - I figured - whatever - I'll give Carrie a try. I actually ended up loving the song and having a blast singing it. At the end, everyone said "Mr. Snow is good - but "What's the Use of Wonderin' was AMAZING! It's so interesting to see your happy exterior have a dark side! It's just beautiful! SING THAT!) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I AM JULIE JORDAN AFTERALL! TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alena introduced me to a book called the Tao of Show Business which I must purchase at Drama Bookshop tomorrow! It sounds amazing! It basically says "stalk people" - but it tells you WHO to stalk as well.

Now - I must say Kenneth Branagh's autobiography just gets better and better - I can hardly wait to see what happens next! OUR BRAIN! OUR IDEAS! I have found a soul mate! I would say he will never know it - but he will - I intend to tell him myself - maybe not in so many words - lol - but - I HAVE to meet him - I have to! Everything he was to squeeze out of theatre, people, life, his loneliness, his temper tantrums, his human interactions, his belief that you can be an actor, director, writer, dancer, singer, and camera man all at the same time - and the best part - he just goes out an DOES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so enthusiastic - so determined - so naive to naysayers - so cocky - so strong willed - and SO AMAZING AT STALKING! MY GOODNESS! He puts me to shame - and its MARVELOUS! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!! (and by love - I mean - admire.)

What an inspiration!

discovery

the wonderful world of self submissions.

They are everywhere - they are just HIDDEN! Who knows if I'll actually get ANY of these appointments - but with the good old fashioned stalking techniques of me, you can actually find OPEN (i.e. non-equity) audition submission possibilities. SO MUCH EASIER than the whole 5 a.m. thing. Even though, sadness, was not seen at Phantom today...Phantom does not - in fact - have an open submission opportunity. (actually - it may - one day - for me - but I need to be a little bit more ready...)

Anyhow, today I was able to send in submissions for FOUR - yes FOUR audition opportunities! and Thursday there is an OPEN audition opportunity for the musical NINE. Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen - an OPEN call for an EQUITY theatre. Oh joy! Oh rapture!

high notes

Mary's workshop started today. I sang WILLOW SONG. Probably the hardest freaking song ever written on the planet. In Branagh's biography - he apparently had to sing a song every week at drama school. He got so scared he ran out of the room - and cried - then came back and made a silent vow to one day sing the hardest song ever written - and apparently he says he has yet to realize that. Well - here I have one up on Branagh - I did indeed sing the hardest song - haha. I'm not so sure I was genius - in fact - I know I was not. Haha. In fact - I was rather horrible. I was singing all the wrong notes and was flat - but the hardest note - the D - was brilliant! LOL! I hope I can recreate it tomorrow at the Phantom audition!

Had dinner with Kim afterwards. Good times.

Gotta get up early tomorrow - YAY AUDITIONS! Gotta show them I'll be the best Christine ever!

office

I desperately need to set up an office with envelops, stamps, extra ink and paper, notebooks, binders, and folders. How on earth have I lived here for two years and failed so miserably at acquiring this?

Tomorrow starts round 2 of Mary's workshop. I'm horrified - I have no idea what to sing - and think I have completely forgotten how to act.

Yesterday Cara came over and made beignets for me and Kat. I am going to consider the beignets calorie-free because they are a New Orleans cultural experience which she wished to share with us. Let me tell you - she always talks about powdered sugar - and how she loads it onto her beignets - but - until I saw it - I didn't believe it! The powdered sugar was poured on so thickly - it was about twice the size of the beignets!!!!!!

I also broke in my new ice cream maker by making apple cider cream - which didn't freeze in time - but it did make for a most delightful milk shake.

Today I had a lovely dinner with Danielle, then got to talk to both Nathan and Morgandigo on the phone - which was fabulous - but also meant - no evil plots to take over the world were put into motion today --- but soon my pretties! Very soon.

questionaire

They ask these questions to the US Figure Skaters on their usfsa athlete profile. Because - I like to indulge myself in believing other people are actually interested in my answers - I'm going to fill them out for myself.

FAVORITES
Favorite sports figure: Sasha Cohen
Favorite sports team: Detroit Red Wings
Favorite city: Stratford-Upon-Avon, NYC, Ste. St. Marie
Favorite season: Fall
Favorite author: AJ Jacobs
Favorite magazine: Dance Magazine
Favorite gadget: iPhone
Favorite vacation: England/France
Favorite reality show: So You Think You Can Dance
Favorite drink: Water
Favorite vacation spot: Hrmmm - wasn't I asked this already? Stratford

'THREE THINGS'
Three things people would be surprised to find out about me: I was a history major in College, I won a pie baking contest, I actually care about the NHL Play-offs
Three people I'd like to have dinner with: Kenneth Branagh, Walt Disney, William Shakespeare
Three things I hate doing: Cleaning, paying bills, talking on the telephone
Three things I love doing: Dancing, singing, baking
Three television characters I wish were real so I could hang out with them: Prince Eric (from Mermaid), Baloo the Bear from Jungle Book, Genie from Aladdin
Three favorite movies: Currently: Gladiator, Love Actually, Much Ado About Nothing
Three things I must have when I leave the house: My phone, my keys, my wallet
Three favorite TV shows: Jonas, Wizards of Waverly Place, Glee
Three favorite foods: ice cream, home made grilled burgers, brocolli (steamed "al dente.)
Three favorite drinks: Water, smoothies, Muscato d'Asti

The curious incident of last night...

Last night - the incident which had me so upset - put in it's most simplified form is this:

A friend from skating's brother (yeah - we met a long time ago - lol - havent skated in about 2 years!) asked me to the opera this coming Saturday. He would pay - and we would both get dressed up and have dinner before hand. I - feeling a bit adventurous - said yes. Yesterday, he decided he would rather take Chloe and gave my ticket away. He then asked me if I was upset and if so - why. I hardly think it warrants and explanation.

However, in my tizzy of wondering why guys always treat me like shit and hating the world and thinking I must be heinously ugly - I had an epiphany about what I need to do - and how to do it.

It has nothing to do with love - or lack of thereof - but everything to do with career. I don't wish to divulge anything until the plan starts to come to fruition. Nothinkg irks me more than when I write down an evil plan and then nothing comes of it. This way, if it doesnt work out -only I will know. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Diabolical - I know.

I also think - the more I read - the more I see myself in Kenneth Branagh --- of course - I don't have nearly enough hubris to believe I have the ridiculous of natural talent he has been given, but our minds seems to work in uncannily similiar ways. It is unlocking and releasing and unstiffling all of these emotions, feelings, ideas, plans, motivations, inspirations, fears, and courage which I have been repressing for so long. It is blowing my mind - and making the day both worth waking up for an unbearable to endure. Unbearable only because there is so much to do and so little time - where to begin - how to get everything done - and why am I in ballet when I should be out winning an Oscar or running a company - or talking to Geilgud - or Rovert - or whoever! And of course, the very belief that any of these things could happen is what makes it worth leaping out of bed for.

Additionally, I discovered that MMD, who I used to AD for, is directing an equity production OKLAHOMA! I - actually cried when I saw the listing. Happy crying - but crying. There is hope that MMD will actually see me sing! OKLAHOMA is a ridiculously perfect show for me! BALLET! OPERA! HIGH NOTES! Of course, there are MANY other girls who are opera singing ballet dancers, and MMD IS indeed a Bway director now and the theatre presenting it is very prestigious - so who knows if I'll actually book anything - but the very possibility makes my head spin! (PS - it runs in rep with FUNNY GIRL directed by another director. The need - roller skaters who can sing!!!!) So with THIS information - I think - wait! I HAVE to be in ballet and all that jazz - not stalking British theatre deities - so that I can be in that! OR - CHAVA in Fiddler in the roof! Have to get skinny- have to get talented - have to be amazing! Head spinnnnnnning out of control!

So - maybe I'm destined to be the Old Maid of the card game - but I know I will create great art - some way or another! It may take time - but it WILL happen! All it takes is faith and trust and a little bit of pixie dust!:)

Now - I'm wondering why I was sent not 1 but 5 Corgi calendars. I do indeed loves roos - but 5?

sigh no more ladies sigh no more...

The more I learn, the more I grow to dislike men, and the more I want to turn my heart into a solid block of stone.

OH SHAKESPEARE! YOU WROTE SO TRUE!

"Sigh no more ladies sigh no more, men were deceivers ever. One foot on sea and one on shore - to one thing constant never."

It doesnt matter whether they are a friend, teacher, potential boyfriend, acquaintance - they ALWAYS find a way to disappoint. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And as soon as I take down any walls - BOOOOOOM! I am reminded of why I hardly ever do it.

The good thing - I retreat into my shell of shakespeare and theatre and projects and imagination and determination -

And with that - I retreat my my Kenneth Branagh videos on youtube...

Kenneth is a man --- hrmmmmmm.............good thing I'll probably never meet him.

Going with the flow!:)

I believe I've figured out my New Year's resolution. Or perhaps - more accurately - a goal for this year. It is "to go with the flow."

This does not mean take it easy whilst sipping on pina coladas on a raft in the pool - although that would be nice.

What it means - for me at any rate - is to not create parameters for myself. This past year I feel I've said - I'm a ballet/contemporary dancer who specializes in adagio and has an operatic singing voice who will only AD for Phelim, Rovert, or Declan. If a teacher or choreographer gave me tap or petit allegro or jazz, I'd freak out and mope. NO MORE. I'm going to go with it and have fun! See it as a challenge - but a FUN challenge - a game - and have fun with it. I may fall flat on my face 100 times a day - but at least I will have created positive energy and given it my best shot! I may also discover lots of new talents and aspects of life I have never done before.

Of course- I may also have to create a few currents where there aren't any - and potentially CHANGE the current if I'm not liking where it is heading - or hop into a different body of water - but no more swimming upstream. Positive energy!:)

So there we go - better late than never.

And - should Amanda send me a text saying "I'm coming up to steps to hang out with you" - not freak out about the two classes I'll be missing - but go have a lunch with a really fabulous friend I havent seen in several months due to said friends broken foot and school work load, and see an awesome movie with - do do doooo! AIDAN MCARDLE in it!!!!!! As a result, have a great day!:)

Onwards and upwards my friends!:)

Ten thousand TONS of ice cream!:)

It's always hard to leave home - the space - the light - the food - the be spoiled rotten - then you come home to Manhattan to small (though for Manhattan large) apt. and broken furniture - dirty smelly subway system - freezing weather - and heards of bizarre women who looks more like turtles than humans (partly due to their shape - but mostly due to the coats they sport) slowly meandering the streets for - who knows what reason.

Once you get going though, you remember why you live here. Go to dance class - be challenged and encouraged - see your friends - go to auditions - go to voice lessons - go to shows - go to OPERAS - plot evil ballet shoe youtube videos.

2010 is the year to make things come into fruition. Based on the 2010-2011 season- I highly doubt it will be my year to be on Broadway - (I love them as artists, but I'm just not built to sing songs Green Day and U2 write...) - but it CAN be my year for regional theatre, or tours, or summerstock, or the Met, or anything with a union card! It can also be my year to become a youtube sensation like the Bieber kid who sang on New Year's Eve. It can be my year to put on a showcase, direct a small show, get an agent, do a commercial, do a voice over, be an extra in a movie or on CSI: NY, pose for photos, who knows what! The possibilities are endless - and I just gotta go grab them. I know Veruca Salt is the epitome of a spoiled bray in the Willy Wonka movie - but - I do love the lines in her song: "I want today - I want tomorrow - I want to lock it all up in my pocket it's my bar of chocolate - give it me now!:)"

So here is to 2010!!!!!!!! May it be the best year yet!:)

PS - my brother got me an ice cream machine! SO HAPPY!