A list of good things

Good things:

New cloths from Comptoir des Cotionniers

The fact I will soon have a nice new apartment

Fat conductor man treating me to high tea

The wonderful Danielle who is offering me use of her midtown apt. during the day, so all I have to do is roll out of bed and get to the train before auditions.

Kung Fu Panda II

The Carmen cast

Cara's room

Nutella which was my best friend tonight

Corgi blogs

Helpful friends

Book Club

Mary's lessons/council

Quiet night where I can actually sleep.

The stalker

The stalker is NO GOOD. I did block him - but then felt really bad so unblocked - within about 30 minutes ALL Of my statuses had comments on them and my wall a brand new post of some astronomy article. He was at my show tonight - as he told me he would be last week - and TWO of my friends LEFT because he was so weird and annoying. He is now blocked ONCE again. OMG - the commotion he raised when I asked Cara to pass a fork was beyond embarassing. He stood up - announced "this beautiful young lady has need of a fork - who can get a fork for the beautiful young lady." Meanwhile - in the time it took him to STAND UP - Cara had already passed me the fork - and everyone just stared at him blankly.

He also stood up and announced that my first love is directing and I am a marvelous director. Ummmm - A) It is? B) SO not his place to announce that - I have worked VERY hard to HIDE announcing that to people who see me as a performer. Then he continued to expound on how he was going to recommend I direct VLOG's next show. (UM! NO! I ALREADY TOLD THEM NO!!!! THEY DONT PAY! ITS TOO MUCH WORK! I HATE THEM. NONONONONONONO! THey asked - I declined. NOT HIS PLACE TO DO THIS! Not his place to announce this. And what the fuck - directing is not my first love - it is perhaps ANOTHER love - but reallllllly?)

He then went off on some monologue about how the cartoon fish I drew on my placemat was the most AMAZING thing he has ever seen - the dexterity with which my hands picked up each color crayon ---- for real? It's a doodle I stole from a classmate in SEVENTH GRADE. She even called me out on it and said - YOU STOLE MY FISH. And it's COLORING - a CARTOON FISH that takes about 5 strokes. He then went off about how things that dont seem impressive to me just ASTOUND everyone else around me. (My friends are staring in amazement, wonder, and disdain) - and how even my knowledge of Mao Tse-Teung (AT WHICH POINT - a friend MERCIFULLY said - oh we tune out when she starts going off about Mao Tse-Teung...which then became a joke for the rest of the night.) BUT EGAD! He even MOVED the dinner table to sit next to me - where there was no space. GAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAH! He is blocked - and nothing shall be returned. I am so upset he scared TWO of my friends away!

ALSO - today - I went to two EQUITY auditions - in the EQUITY building. The first audition - where I had one of the first audition slots of the day (early enough they would NOT have gotten to non-equity.) I went in and sang. And the casting director said - do you still dance? and I said yes. And he said - OOOOH - but you're equity I see. I said yes. he said - oh - that's where it gets tricky. I have a job for you - but it's not equity. You wouldn't want to get in trouble with your union would you. I guess you're not interested? Me: Ummm - well - I'm equity (HERE AT THIS EQUITY AUDITION HAVING SHOWN YOU MY EQUITY CARD HAVING FILLED OUT THE EQUITY PAPERWORK IN THE EQUITY BUILDING at 10 a.m.!!!!) Him: Oh - o.k that's too bad. I'll call you if anything changes. WTF? Are there ACTUALLY equity jobs? I'm confused. I"ve been "offered" THREE NONequity contracts THROUGH equity auditions. Why do they HAVE equity auditions? Why don't they make it an NONEQUITY call if they aren't going to actually HIRE nonequity? What good is this stupid union if they only stop non-equity from being allowed to audition - but don't make it so theatres/shows have to hire you? AND HOW THE HECK DO NONEQUITY PEOPLE GET HIRED? Because I certainly wasn't even getting SEEN much less HIRED - and now since March I've been offered THREE nonequity jobs through these equity auditions. This is stupid.

GAH! AND LOOK! AN E-MAIL FORM MY STALKER!!! BLAAAARGH!

The good news of the day is - I think my dermatologist is helping my 15 year old boy acne. One day and the medicine/creams/etc...seem to be making an improvement. I hope it continues! Touch wood!

I like lists!

Things I am looking forward to:

Mary's vocal workshop/acting class next month

Seeing The Master Class with SIERRAAAAA!

Seeing CATCH ME IF YOU CAN the musical

GETTING CAST IN A MUSICAL

Directing my friends in "mystical Shakespeare scenes" in Fort Tryon Park this summer

Getting the dermatologist to get rid of my acne which is currently reminding me a pubescent nerdy boy.

Going to a waterpark with my CARMEN friends.

Cleaning the apt. up with Candace

MOVING TO AN APT IN MIDTOWN (or MORE midtown!) OMG THE GLORY! It will be ridiculous!

Free concerts/shows/movies in Central Park!!!! (and Bryant Park)

Performing in Paul's Cabaret (I credit this Cabaret with my ability to belt.)

WORKING ON MY BELT!

Buying new sheets. (I actually think my top sheet was stolen from the laundry and my bottom sheet resembles swiss cheese. It's sad.)

My mom and uncle visiting.

Taking advantage of all the awesome EQUITY DISCOUNTS Reinking just told me about!

Working on the Persephone project with David and Stacey.

Teaching pilates, whenever that may be.

The day when I actually stop eating so much chocolate - instead of just talking about it.

Seeing Sam as ROMEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Basically, everything in Lincoln Center's summer festival

Just getting better at everything - dance - singing - acting - communicating - knowledge of astronomy - current events - being organized - etc...

AND SEEING MY FRIEND WHO JUST GOT CAST AS THE LEAD OF CHICAGO ON BROADWAY BELT AND DANCE HER HEART OUT! WAHOOOOOO! So inspiring!:)

A bunch of thoughts on opera, shakespeare, musical theatre, and boys

First of all - I would like to talk about my newly revived love of musical theatre. After doing opera/operetta for the past six months, I came to realize something - musical theatre is actually better. The MUSIC of opera is, for the most part, far superior and "intelligent," and oftent he directing is more innovative than any other directing out there, and of course no expense is spared with regards to sets and costumes, but there is no TRUTH in the actual performance. (Or there IS - but only rarely.) Everyone is so concerned with making the note loud or big or on pitch, but no one is actually concerned with any sort of emotion or story telling that is going into that note. Or - if they are concerned - the concern only comes AFTER the "technique." And this is weird to me. To ME, a note CAN'T be beautiful unless it has some sort of truthful emotion behind it. And - productions can be dazzling and thought provoking, but at the end of the day, I am far more moved by musical theatre where people LOOK the way they should look (YES - its the BANE of my existence - but trust me - it's better to have a 16 year old LOOK like a 16 year old and not a 70 year old fat black lady, the SEXY seductress ACTUALLY be sexy, and the bull fighter look like he MIGHT, under the right circumstances, be able to take on a bull), where there is an emphasis places on HONEST (if not incredibly heightened) emotions, and choreography can, under the best circumstances, be used to help tell a story. It is also FAR more accessible to the general public, meaning whatever the story/messsage is, will be more effective. And man - when you go to the theatre and watch Daniel Radcliffe sing and dance - it's just plain fun!!!!!! Don't get me wrong John Adams - I still love you - and will probably always love you - and opera - but musical theatre was my first love.

***Footnote - all of the things I mentioned as being "bad" about opera are also things that make it wonderful. There is something wonderful about being able to look ANY way and not pigeonholed by that - and something wonderful about technique and something wonderful about just being lost in an aural sensation. Just for me - I think my TRUE love is in musical theatre.

***Another footnote - I have found my belt. It is in there. Right now it is BARELY there - and the jaws of life are needed to bust it out fully - but it's there - its usable - it's at least enough (for now) to go to a DANCE CALL where they might ask for a belt song if you make it through the dancing - LOOOONG way to go before its ready for the principle auditions - but its there - and I will cultivate it and make it AWESOME!:)

Shakespeare is my other great love. I saw a very mediocre production of All's Well That Ends Well. It's funny - I've always found Shakespeare better when music and dance is somehow incorporated. And - sorry - the Brits do Shakespeare better than we Americans do 97% of the time. Why? Because the BRITS use the language the way opera singers use their music - BUT they also incorporate emotional truth. I listened to Greg Hicks recite some lines of King Lear, his speaking voice was every bit as nuanced as Bryn Terfel's arias. It's a perfect storm of awesome. Americans usually just focus on the emotional truth - which is fine, but you gotta have that musicality in the language.

Which circuitously brings me back to musical theatre - WHERE - USUALLY - you have the musicality AND emotional truth AND some awesome dancing mixed in. And I can't WAIT to get HIRED! WAHOOOOOO!

Also - speaking of emotional truth - much of my emotional truth has been turned upside down. How? you ask. I have a stalker. And in my overactive mind, I am convinced my stalker in a cruel joke. I talk about a prince, a Disney Prince, BLAIR's prince, even a SHAKESPEAREAN prince, but its all really a metaphor. So this guy, who, in my newly found gossip girl induced incredibly superficial state, I find incredibly unattractive, basically imprints onto me and decides HE is going to be my prince. He writes to me in freaking iambic pentameter and begs for me to tell him ways he can make my life better - he is at my beckon call! Apparently his work (he is an out of work lawyer doing temp jobs because the "economy is bad so no lawyers are being hired." AND - he keeps talking about how he will never get hired because the economy is showing no signs of recoery - ummmmmmmmmmmmm....that is WRONG - I sufficiently yelled at him because "sending out a resume every now and then" does not actually count as looking for a lawyer job - and a guy who went to HARVARD LAW should be able to get hired - or audition for shows since he apparently likes performing)(PS - YAY pot calling the kettle black - BUT I at least GO to freaking auditions! ANDDDDD - I wouldnt care except the "I went to school expecting a certain salary, then that didn't work out, and with the economy going the way it is that doesn't look like it will change" speech I have to hear makes the whole situation even more pathetic.) ANY WAY - at his temp job allows him to spend ALL DAY looking up news articles that I will find interesting and exciting (REALLY? If you spent LESS TIME looking up news articles I might find interesting you might not have this temp job you hate!) and MAILING them to me! Along with writing me HAIKUs and commenting on EVERYTHING I do - and MEMORIZING my schedule as dictated by facebook - and OMG STOP ITS TOO MUCH AND ITS SCARY! And all of a sudden - all of those love songs, quotes, sonnets, scenes, dances, aria, painting, sculptures, that I have held onto so dearly in my imagination of what will one day happen to me, are just now incredibly scary! All of a sudden - they all seem like creepy stalker people - who have nothing better to do than sing stupid songs about some girl they love. And everything that was a dream - is now just scary! The fantasy seems completely gone. And it's HORRIBLE because I feel so superficial about the whole thing, but I think, even if it was Brad Pitt, it's really off-putting to have someone SO up in your business - and TELL you they are up in your business. I can't seem to make sense of it in my head! Everything he does is super sweet - and I suppose everything he does is stuff that I fantasize about - haikus and what not - but put into actual practice - it's just horrifying and makes me want to hide under a blanket and never come out! Oh, I also forgot to mention, he somehow found out I was a huge Alan Rickman fan, and kept trying to impress me with his Alan Rickman impressions. For the record - ONLY Alan Rickman is sexy talking like Alan Rickman. A guy doing an Alan Rickman IMPRESSION in an attempt to seduce you - is just sad... And this whole thing is a very bizarre wake up call. And I feel so incredibly mean for thinking all of these thoughts. All truths be told - if he just wasn't so darn SCARY about it all - so INTENSE and SUDDEN about it - he could have MAYBE won be over - but I barely know the guy - why does he want to hang out with all of my friends all the time? My friends he has never met and knows nothing about. I mean - he literally asked "Can I hang out with your friends?" That's weird - right? Blargh. I actually blocked him from my facebook tonight - this rant convinced me I had to. Sigh. I'm mean.

So - instead of thinking them - I'm trying to think of how amazing Patti Lupone and Mandy Patinkin were in the original Broadway cast of Evita!

Also - is "Weiner-gate" not the lamest media story ever? I love watching the newsanchors attempt to NOT crack up laughing when talking about it. Oh Nixon - who knew your legacy would be the suffix "gate." and one day - it would be attached to "weiner."

Funny

I've discovered I really like to laugh. Now this may seem like a stupid discovery, or something that doesn't need discovering at all, but it actually...does. At least for me. I am usually drawn to dark morbid bizarre and intellectual "art." (theatre/opera/painting.) I love Richard III, Titus Andronicus, Coriolanus, Satyagraha, Doctor Atomic, Nixon in China, Tosca, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, the paintings by Titian and Caravaggio, and biographies scientists. True, I enjoy Disney, but in a more, man I wish this is how the world was, kind of way, not in an "I really appreciate the sight gags the mice in Cinderella are performing," way. But then I did CARMEN and PINAFORE, where I realized I actually can be funny, and its super fun being funny. Then, on a whim, I decided to read/listen to Tina Fey's autobiography, and it was funny, and read/listen to Steve Martin's autobiography and it was mostly poignant but had some funny. And most of my podcasts are...funny. Then two friends and me sat in the HUMOR section of BORDERS BOOKS for two hours and read eachother jokes and it was amazing...and I read Demetri Martin's book and watched his t.v. shows...and it was incredible. And I just saw HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING and it was a riot! I the world is so much HAPPIER when you dwell on FUNNY things - and try to be FUNNY - or SEEK funny - When you take something annoying and try to look at it in a humorous way - and make a joke out it. I'm still incredibly new to "Funny" but I think this could be the beginning of beautiful relationship.

lists

So many things I want to do this summer.

Let me attempt to break it down into lists.

Books I want to read:

Becoming Madame Mao

Henry Kissinger's ON CHINA

Hallelujah Junction (John Adams autobiography - how have I NOT read that!)

Live shows I want to see:

The RSC's Romeo and Juliet starring Trouters (DUH!) But how to get tickets that arent $200??? Do I ask Trouters?

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

Shakespeare in the Park (DUH again)

Selma Jezkova (a new modern bizarre opera)

Any comedy shows I can find - I seem to have a growing love for comedians.

Career goals I have CONTROL over through August:

Put on a cabaret with my friend Lola. (That name just SCREAMS Cabaret)

Direct some friends in a very tiny Shakespeare production in Fort Tryon Park

Do a performance workshop

Do at least one agent workshop

Start my blog up again

Teach some pilates classes

Organize my "book"

Add at least 7 new songs to my audition book

Audition audition audition

Health Goal:

DRINK MORE WATER (or liquids in general!)

Try to use more vegetables and fruits in my cooking/meals. They are pathetically lacking.

Keep up my dance/pilates

And of course -

MOVE