calamari

I've never seen the Opera ARMIDA before - yet today TWO different versions were on t.v. crazy...

Anyhow, I performed in a concert last night for VLOG - and I was very grumpy about it - as one could imagine - but it went surprisingly well - they made me the finale - and I apparently looked like Helen of Troy and a Greek Goddess - which I think is most impressive! The "vloggers" in the audience were impressed to learn I had high notes. I was like DUH! I have no idea why I was an alto in FIDDLER - I've been telling you that I was a soprano! lol! THey also said my ACTING was "spot on" too - so I'll take that as a huge compliment given that is my current "focus."

I also got a chance to talk to one of my friends on the director board and learned that they basically knew they were going to hire the other director because she currently works at the met opera and were hoping that she would bring in the rich people from the Met to help VLOG. They actually were upset when I gave such a great proposal - because I put a dent in their evil plan - but at the end of the day - i just can't compete with rich Met Backers. I can't really offer rich backer at all...sad. I'm still sad because I was realllly hoping for that $2000 so I could enroll in an acting class...I think that would be the final push to get me actually hired...and stop being a freaking birthday princess - but I suppose the universe has something else - the ever elusive "even better job" in mind for me to make moo-la - I wish it would hurry up and give it to me!

Saw one of JP's girlfriends in a Shakespeare review show tonight - some of the performers were actually pretty good. The calamari being served however - was way too oniony! lol!

I'm also slightly horrified - because Cara is coming to stay with me (from Vegas) for a week starting tomorrow. And Kat thinks it's going to be a week long party. I actually have to DO things. I'm going to the "16-32 bar cut" master so I can work on my acting for those 16-32 bar cuts you need in auditions - have my Mary lesson - teaching dance class - taking dance class - two auditions (one for ALADDIN: The Musical Spectacular! being put on in Vegas - directed by the lady who directed Mermaid!) And I have to figure out why I'm not getting any of the extra work I'm submitting for. Grrrrr! I was thinking of calling in the agency and asking for advice, etc... that would also be an excellent source of income if it would come through! (PLUS - I might get to be on GOSSIP GIRL! EEEEE!)

Oh yes - AND - I have acquired a stalker.

I went to a girl in my ballet class's goodbye party and I had a very unriveting 20 minute conversation with a guy - who found me on facebook and won't leave me alone! And he somehow acquired my phone number and keeps sending me I'm so bummed I can't see you today messages - to which I don't respond. I'm thoroughly disturbed.

O.k. now I'm just rambling...

grrr brain!

I had a nightmare about not getting IOLANTHE. STUPID BRAIN! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!

bounce

Bouncy bouncy bouncy bounce....

I'm going to regret this tomorrow morning - but I'm extremely wound up with excitement from seeing BILLY ELLIOT tonight. It was a good show - but I also got to see FABRIZIO after who gave me a tour of the theatre and what not - and we know Fabrizio makes me bouncy in general----

ANNNNND - ALADDIN the MUSICAL SPECTACULAR is holding auditions in NYC - so I actually get to sing PART OF YOUR WORLD and look SYRIAN! Bouncy bouncy bouncy bounce...

I guess I'm doing BLACK PETER - I have no idea why I feel so--- unbouncy about that...it's good for me - it will look good for Boydy - I get to exercise the director part of my brain. I just wish it PAID and didnt rehearse in Brooklyn, and didn't mean I had to miss Thanksgiving, and was in a real freaking theatre...GAH!

Oh, Henry!

I'm very tired of things not working out. It's getting really old and boring and it needs to change right now. I am ready for it to change. No more of this "you're not experienced" crap - or no pay crap - or let me make out with another girl crap - or you're not equity crap - or we had lots of qualified candidates crap - or just it's really a blessing something better will come along.

Well I'm READY for that something better. It needs to come NOW. It needs to pop it's head up and say here I AM! Look! I am awesome and PAY you!!! Pay you ENOUGH! And you are pretty enough, and talented enough, and experienced enough, and I'm not going to go and make out with another girl in the corner I only want to make out with you!

I am very angry. I am not sad. I am not depressed. I am ANGRY. And trust me theatre - you don't want to see me when I'm angry! I am reminded of Henry V. I WAS NOT ANGRY SINCE I AM CAME TO FRANCE!!!!!! (France being metaphorical here - the real France shall be spared my anger.)

Or Perhaps - another Henry V speech - one when the French Dauphin mocked Henry's youth and told him he wasn't experienced enough to rule. Henry V gave this delightful warning.

We are glad the Dauphin is so pleasant with us;
His present and your pains we thank you for.
When we have match'd our rackets to these balls,
We will in France, by God's grace, play a set
Shall strike his father's crown into the hazard.
Tell him he hath made a match with such a wrangler
That all the courts of France will be disturb'd
With chaces. And we understand him well,
How he comes o'er us with our wilder days,
Not measuring what use we made of them.
We never valu'd this poor seat of England;
And therefore, living hence, did give ourself
To barbarous licence; as 'tis ever common
That men are merriest when they are from home.
But tell the Dauphin I will keep my state,
Be like a king, and show my sail of greatness,
When I do rouse me in my throne of France;
For that I have laid by my majesty
And plodded like a man for working-days;
But I will rise there with so full a glory
That I will dazzle all the eyes of France,
Yea, strike the Dauphin blind to look on us.
And tell the pleasant Prince this mock of his
Hath turn'd his balls to gun-stones, and his soul
Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance
That shall fly with them; for many a thousand widows
Shall this his mock mock of their dear husbands;
Mock mothers from their sons, mock castles down;
And some are yet ungotten and unborn
That shall have cause to curse the Dauphin's scorn.
But this lies all within the will of God,
To whom I do appeal; and in whose name,
Tell you the Dauphin, I am coming on,
To venge me as I may and to put forth
My rightful hand in a well-hallow'd cause.
So get you hence in peace; and tell the Dauphin
His jest will savour but of shallow wit,
When thousands weep more than did laugh at it.
Convey them with safe conduct. Fare you well.

Fit of anger

Well I"m glad it took VLOG two weeks of cryptic e-mails and correspondance to tell me they did NOT choose me because someone else has more expeirence. WHO WANTS TO WORK FOR THEM WHO HAS MORE EXPERIENCE? I have more experience than the guy who the freaking workship. My ideas were the most solid ideas on the planet! I came with a FREE AMAZING choreographer AND accompanist! WHAT MORE DID THEY WANTS?!?!!?!?!???? There was not a SINGLE HOLE in my proposal - even a weak point - which they said but someone else had a "little more experience. " WHO! Because I've done EVERYTHING the director of FIDDLER did AND MORE - and they used him as an EXAMPLE of someone with more experience Did they READ my resume. Did they LISTEN to my interview.

Oh - and while we're at it - ANOTHER thing boys should NOT do------------------

Invite you to their birthday party as their date and then make out with another girl on their balcony! Yeah - that probably goes above dressing like a pirate - WHY DO BOYS TREAT ME LIKE SHIT! ? I have it on paper that I'm officially hot. I'm smart - I"m talented - I"m nice - GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY?

Busy week!

Wow what a crazy week. Between Pilates, Vocal Workshops, Free Tickets to "hot plays," auditions, rehearsals, and directing jobs, and actually fitting a few dance classes in - I've hardly had a moment to myself. Plus, JP got back so there has been entertainment in the apt. I feel like I actually have a career - and a life - avery low paying career and very bohemian life - lol. Just another step along the path!:)

On a totally random note, I think dogs know I love them. I keep meeting these dogs who are normally shy, etc... but they come up to me and their owners say "oh, he loooooves you! Normally he's shy...he doesn't let people touch him, but he loooooves you." I hope my love for them is indeed mutual and I'm not making it up!:)

scared!

TOO MUCH INFORMATION! They had us studying all these muscles but what we REALLY needed to know was the very specific "script" they have for each exercise which they gave us today and we must recite relatively verbatim Sunday. ACT!!!!!! I'M SCARED!

muscles

I want to know if I get to direct IOLANTHE! GAH! I've never been very good at being patient. I like to know the endings of movies and books BEFORE I watch them - I read spoilers - have my friends tell me - read the last line of the book before the first. Many many many people think this is "lame," but it makes the journey so much more enjoyable for me. I can prepare myself for disaster or enjoy the struggle knowing that it ends in SUCCESS! None of this...suspense...ugh.

Speaking of suspense - Pilates suddenly got exponentially harder. There are way too many muscles, ligaments, bones, boney landmarks, and fossa. I can't remember a tenth of them and keep falling asleep studying. Finally, tonight, I found an iphone app that will quiz me. I did OK, but it's multiple choice, I don't know how I would do with NO options in front of me. And I don't know how much I NEED to know. I never have heard ANY of my teachers use more than seven of these words. The gemellus - who needs to know the gemellus. If I don't someone I was sore in my pectineus or vastus medialis they would think I was crazy. However, "man, my quads are tight" or my hip is sore makes sense. Oh! It feels so good to roll out my sartorius. Doesn't "rolling out my inner thigh" make more sense. I don't think any pilate or ballet students would say - oh right! I'll get right on turning out my gemellus or o.k. I"ll lift my semitendinosus more in an arabesque. I'm just frustrated and scared and nervous. I don't want to fail my certification!

24 hour theatre was postponed by the VLOG board - grrrrr....I wanted to write to BOYDY. And anytime something is "postpone" I get nervous that actually means --- cancelled. They did set a date for the rescheduling in September and had a good reason - so that is hopeful.

The new casting networks is AMAZING and I was given some great tips by some people today about workshops and classes to go to in order to get a film and t.v. agent. All my life I've only wanted to do live theatre - but Gossip Girl - man Gossip Girl has inspired me to try other mediums so I'm very excited.

I had a talk with Evan over the weekend - that essentially was about being open to all the possibilities surrounding you. I think that is my goal for the rest of this year. Be open - and remember YES is the first rule of improv. (Of course - if a man in a pirate outfit asks you out on a date - the answer is NO --- ) but so far saying yes has made the world a more HOPEFUL place. And HOPEFULLY positive results will come. No doubt they will!:)

Wow the new casting networks is a WHOLE NEW WORLD! and it's kinda killing me I can't submit for anything until Tuesday! So many amazing opportunities!

and - and the DOH! of August!

Oh I should also mention - for the past 6 months I've belonged to a group called central casting that told me they were the only way for me to get onto the castingnetworks site, and I could ony have one picture - the one they took - which is slightly akin to a mug shot. Then - the Cinderella party in the ghetto, my friend who did the party with me - told me no no no - pay $30 a month you can upload as much as you want! So I just did that! I feel super jipped. No wonder I didn't get the "AFTRA who figure skate" call! Now I upload pictures of me skating or of me in a ballgown or a business suit or whatever they need to prove I have it and am not just putzing around!

DOH!

le sigh of August

It is killing me I can't submit for this extra call due to pilates:

Seeking AFTRA women w/FULL LENGTH EVENING GOWNS (NO VELVET) to portray Broadway women

BLAH!

Anyhow - all the muscles and tendons are getting all confused in my head! I hope I don't really need to know the name of every iny minute muscles tendon and bone in the body - or to be more accurate - the "Pilates" words for them. I've never even heard of 99% of this - and I would say I've done my fair share of physical activity classes- and pilates classes!

Short but sweet

I had a very fun night!:) (And may have drunk one too many dark and stormies (ginger beer and rum - my FAVORITE!....)

Shoes

Shoes are my best friend and biggest enemy.

When I put on comfortable shoes - it's like putting on my feet. Any discomfort is alleviated, I can walk, run, jump, leap, twirl, face the mean hard streets of Manhattan. However, these shoes are usually "ugly." they are flat, usually incredibly worn-in, and often class with the outfit I'm wearing. The "Sexy" shoes are debilitating. Even the most comfortable ones are still heels. Fine if you can take a cab then be daintily dropped off at a cocktail party, but when you' re carrying two large bags (containing a computer, notebook full of music or show proposal, dance cloths, dress cloths, book for reading or studying, plugs for phone and computer, and bottle of water) and trying to navigate the stairs and platform jungle of the subway - those shoes take away any super power you previously possessed - and you are reduced to being trampled as you slowly pitter patter around. Oh shoes --- how wonderful and cruel you can be!

My friend Danielle recommended the Anatomical Coloring Book to me - to help me with this anatomy stuff for my pilates certification. What an incredible idea! I like to color. And I am learning about the manubrium while doing so.

Taught ballet today. Only 3 people came. It was --- strange? I have to give those three people SO much credit! They are NOT dancers at all - and ballet is super hard. Especially if you are learning when you are in your thirties! Things I take completely forgranted like spotting when turning were drawn to my attention. A simple single piroutte became standing in one spot doing spotting exercises I did back when I sang Peter Peter Penguin! But of course - when you're 3 - it's fun to stand and do those exercises - when you're 35 - you feel stupid and bored and frustrated. I hope they enjoyed the class, but I'm not sure. Beginning is WAY harder to teach and make it not completely mundane than an advanced class. Anyone can say "tendu tendue plie go," but I my deepest admiration for those who can inspire and teach adult beginners. I know my opinion of the "Crazy old ladies" at Steps has greatly changed. I say - GO YOU for COMING and TRYING and SUCCEEDING at learning a new skill.

Cinderella goes the boonies and lives to tell the tale!

Today I was a bit ashamed of myself - and very frustrated. I did a CINDERELLA birthday party in the nether regions of Brooklyn. I was with another girl, and we noticed we were the only white girls on the train, then we got off the train, and we were the only white people in the entire neighborhood. A few (very nice) guys asked us if we were lost or needed help. We felt like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie in that t.v. show where they were dropped into some strange boondock town and forced to adapt for a week or something. (Neither one of us could remember the name of the show.)

At any rate - my boss kept saying the mother of this birthday party couldnt be trusted and was obviously lying about the number of kids and wouldn't pay me so she sent her husband with the costumes to collect the money. Her husband arrived 12 minutes late (let me tell you - when you have to get into that CInderella get up without a fairy godmother - those 12 minutes are crucial!) and then the mother was perfectly nice, but didn't have exact change and refused to give us any more (No tip for these ladies) so by the time she got change and I was allowed in (Her husband wouldn't let us get started until we had the money) we were already 22 minutes behind. However, if we stayed late - I get reimed out and don't get paid - so I had to fit 90 minutes worth of party into 60 WHILE training the other girl. The kids were all very well behaved but I was stressed and the REGGAETON BLASTING IN MY EAR FROM THE DJ AT FULL VOLUME (I literally had to shout and couldnt hear the kids tell me what they wanted painted on their face) I was in SUCH a foul mood - we all know what Reggaeton does to me and it is NOT pretty! EVER! Under any circumstances! At any rate - we started to pack and the parents wanted more balloons for their children - and I told them I had to go - and they started yelling at me about how I had no right to deny their baby another balloon - and I'm trying to act princessy - but am HATING the reggaeton - wanted to SHOOT the reggaeton - and go ballistic - grab my battleaxe and smash the speakers into a BILLION smithereen and scream some primal battle cry of victory of the music from which springs all evil! And - I'm thinking this family can't be trusted - partially because they play reggaeton and partially because my boss seemed to think they couldnt - possibly because they were black and living in the ghetto - and I have to start grabbing the balloon pumps and balloons away from the parents and act completely unprincessy in front of the kids - and my boss is calling me and yelling at me for not being out of there and the training girl is all - NO let's stay - and I"m trying to stress to her why we can't stay - (because they only paid for 8 p.m. and any later we stay comes out of our pay check) and why the parents can't grab the balloon pump or facepaint or anything else for themselves while being yelled at about how we are mistreating their babies (Who are all INCREDIBLY well behaved!) and I started having a panic attack and ran into the restroom. Then my boss started yelling at me some more - then we finally escaped the reggaeton hell in one piece and get to the subway and realize we forgot to get the paper signed that said we did everything - and the boss and yelling to go back - and we can't find the paper - it seems to have disappeared completely - and I sat down on the side walk and started crying - as the two token white girls have all these open bags and suitcases looking for a missing piece of paper - and I told my boss - look - if you want don't pay me - I"m sitting here in the street in bumblefuck Brooklyn - probably about to get mugged - it isn't worth it. And she said "fine just get out of there." Hopefully I'll get to keep my money - but EGAD - I"m SO GLAD there are possibilities to get out!

Possibility number 1:

IOLANTHE! HEAVEN! My googling even brought me to CORGIS! (Hey Iolanthe is about sheep and fairies - and Corgis and SHEEP AND FAIRY DOGS!)

Pilates - I really don't know why they need to think of all these fancy names for bending forward (now go through flexion on your medial plane) - sheesh - just say bend forward - but hey - if I get paid for saying that instead of bend forward - so be it.

Dance Class - I'm incredibly scared to teach my first one. I hope people like it. It would be nice to get paid for that.

AFTRA work: The girl I did the heinous party with told me about some incredibly inexpensive workshops where I can meet casting directors and agents and a website where I can upload my own photos and reel and pictures (of me skating and dancing et al...) so the NEXT time they ask for figure skaters - they can see a PICTURE of me skating - I don't know why I didnt get THAT gig! The figure skaters for a commercial one.)

Mary's workshop: It's a long shot. Ludicrously long. But hey - I get to sing for the Casting Director of LOVE NEVER DIES. Who knows.

RSC: And even longer shot. But hey - I'm a Disney princess - no matter what your heart is dreaming if you keep on believing the dreams that you wish will come true!:)

noise

No more Mrs. Nice Girl. From now on all noise complaints are video documented on the handy new iphone and submitted directly to NYPD.

THE NOISE MUST BE STOPPED!

list

My IOLANTHE video inspiration list includes:

Disney's Cinderella

The Scarlet Pimpernel

1776 (where the John Adams infatuation was born)

Midsummer Nights Dream

BBC specials on Parliament

THE OPERRETTA IS ABOUT FAIRIES and BRITISH MEN who BECOME FAIRIES! (and yes --- the innuendo is often implied both by me and the operetta.)

I'm so excited! I HOPE I GET TO DIRECT IT!

courses

Started taking my "on-line anatomy course" for my pilates certification. It's good to be actively learning again! Now - I have to figure out how to get the anatomy book delivered to me - since - Kat is now out of town - and --- I can't receive packages. Here's hoping a bookstore in the city will carry it!:)

Miss Manners

I think my life might be a lot better if I was never taught manners. I know I am no Emily Post - but egad. If I wasn't taught that it is disgusting to clip your toe nails on the train, or eat smelling food in a crowed elevator, pop my gum super loud, play my music at louder than full blast late at night, to play catch on a crowded sidewalk, to throw chicken bones in the grass, the throw anything on the ground, the hang up cloths I'm trying on in the dressing room instead of leaving them for employees, to tip waiters, to sleep with your friends significant other, to spit in the street, to cut in line, to steal people's things, to chew with my mouth closed, to cover my nipples with my clothing, to clean up my dog's poop, to call people names such as nigger, spic, kike, or gringa, to not use people's computers without asking, to not use every last drop of my roommates soap during a mad sex party in the bathroom, to smoke in an apt. (cigarettes or marijuana and then lie about it), to continue to smoke when someone is dying of asphyxiation because they are allergic to smoke and just say "Can't they leave?", to smoke in the stairwell of an apt and then leave the ashes and butts on the stairwell for other people to clean up, the leave the mcdonalds I was eating in the hall in the hall, to throw alcohol cans on the sidewalk, to not throw condoms out the window, to poop on a toilet seat and leave it for someone else to clean up, to leave a leotard covered blood in the dressing room for someone else to clean up, to wear large hair pieces to the theatre, the talk and shout at the screen during movies, to sneeze and/or cough on people, sitting down in subway seats that are too small to fit in so int he process of "Squeezing" in - sitting on the people on either side of you, to not shout at my friend across the subway car, apt, street, city, to not FILE my nails in public, or PAINT my nails on the train, (Even doing makeup on the train weirds me out - but at that one isn't smelly and doesn't risk spillage), having sex on the train (WHY would you even WANT to do this?), to not sit directly in from of people at the movies is there are only 10 people in the entire theatre, the list goes on and one - if I was not taught all of these things, perhaps when other people did them - I would not be so bothered - and all would be o.k. with the world.

John Adams

Had brunch today with Mattiller and Lindsay Stidham - uneventful but pleasant. Lindsay was visiting for a comedy improv convention - so we all got together to say hello.

For some reason I'm feeling a very deep connection to John Adams. I'm not really sure why. I'm sure it has something to do with 1776 coming onto my iphone shuffle playlist. But he was a man who got things DONE whilst his Congress piddled twiddled and resolved. I tried to find a book to read about him today - but the only books I could find were heavy cumbersome and incredibly boring. Didn't anyone write a good book about a president? Why must they all be 800 pages long and written like a text book. I'm sure John Adams was a fascinating incredible man every bit as interesting as Edward Cullen or Harry Potter - so why is he so dull to read about? (And don't tell me to get the David McCullogh one - I have NEVER made it past the first chapter of one of his books. I'm happy you find him fascinating - but he helps me sleep at night. I want to be INSPIRED! DRIVEN TO ACTION! INTO THE FIRE! (for the record - apparently a new John Adams book is to be released in October - maybe THAT one will be inspiring! It includes Abigail as well - and she wasn't too shabby herself.) Maybe I should shame myself and look in the children's section. It will be nice to read a book with a plot - not just very large words from a dictionary.

Well it's August - what wonders await?