Why I Love Evan Lysacek

For so long - he was the runner up - the runner up to Johnny Weir - the runner of to Ryan Bradley - the runner up to Evgeny Plushenko - the alternate to the team - but he worked himself silly - and didn't listen to anyone (other than his coach) - and against all odds - won the Olympic Gold Medal.

I hope I can pull an Evan Lysacek.

I often feel in dance class - I am the runner up - the teachers have their favorites - and many of the other dancer talk the talk - and many can walk the walk too - but at the end of the day - I can walk the walk too - I maybe I won't land a quad - but neither did Evan. He wasn't necessarily supposed to win - but he did - and he did deserve to win - and that's what I need to do.

Dance - singing - acting - looking pretty - working intelligently - marketing myself (for THAT I turn to Johnny Weir) - I can do it - I will do it.

As Scott Hamilton says - eliminate every woulda coulda shoulda - (and DO it.)

So - away I go - messed up hamstring and all - come on self - let's DO IT!

be good johnny weir

YAY! I left class to be immediately typed out of an audition - HOOOORAY! The type out was basically putting your leg above your head. So glad I got typed out on THAT! Because as we all know - I really suck at putting my leg above my head...what is the deal with me and dance calls? I even looked super cute in my new black dance skirt. Ah well. And hey - any time I force myself to wake up and warm up my voice at some unseemly hour on the off chance I might get kept at a dance call to sing - is a good opportunity

Then I came home for a bit and got to watch the USA beat Switzerland in hockey! HOOOORAY! two more games guys. YOU CAN DOOOO EEEEEEEET!:)

Then rehearsal which you can read my Tzeitel blog about.

I'm reading another Margaret Atwood novel - which actually IS boring - I'm 3/4 of the way through - and it is just boring. Ironically - it is also mostly about being bored. So perhaps it is a super successful novel- but I really must get new reading material. This one is driving me BATTY!

I also downloaded the first four episodes of BE GOOD JOHNNY WEIR - Johnny's reality tv series. It's interesting. I love story of people who were super successful, then weren't, then were again. I love their perseverance. I find it very inspiring and am always curious to know how they do it.

I also like stories of people who weren't very good - or weren't the best - but believed in themselves and loved their sport/art/profession/hobby/etc... endeavored to persevere - and became the best int he world - or came out on top in some way - while remaining really fabulous people.

LADIES FIGURE SKATING FINALS TOMORROW NIGHT! WHEEEE! gotta get to bed so I can watch them on the 3 a.m. repeat or whatever! Or maybe my rehearsal will be snowed out due to the blizzard - and I can watch them normal time! I feel like an awful person for saying that. But seriously - on Tuesday - I stood still - literally - for half an hour - then went home. It's hard to sit in a room for hours then stand still for 30 minutes not saying anything - then go home - to not wish you watching the figure skating - but I AM thankful for the role and to in the production - so I should quit my whining - and smile!:)

discovered

I've been found out! Today the lady playing Golde said "I just realized - you're the one with a really impressive directing resume."

There is a man talking in French on tv. - I will not let him lure me into buying a PC! lol!

My brain has turned to a puddle of Olympic mush - blah. COME BACK BRAIN!

Skating is a dangerous distraction.

So is Reinking's book club with her homemmade puppy chow. Puppy Chow is chex mix covered in peanutbutter - butter - chocolate - and powdered sugar. Yeah - leotards aren't gonna look too nice tomorrow!

I have one complaint and only one complaint about Fiddler. I'm a bit miffed that I'm going to miss the Ladies Short Program for an hour rehearsal of Sabbath Prayer - where I shall stand still and sing manly low notes. It's esp annoying since it takes me over an hour to get to rehearsal. To two hours travel for what will inevitably be less than an hour of rehearsal is tiddlybit irksome. I am thankful however - to have my role - so I should quit complaining.

Also - I know yahoo news and the associate press seems to think I'm cool in the skating world - but I really don't understand ice dancing. Almost all of the teams look fabulous to me. The footwork stuns me.

I wonder how I'll do at the Peter Pan dance call - using the Stephane method - (or anti-Stephane method) as the case may be - of not being afraid to mistakes - just be free and let my spirit shine through. It seemed to work in ballet. I got 3 or 4 "Goods" from Nancy - which - is almost unheard of. Crazy!

I also like the Evan Lysacek/Scott Hamilton theory - eliminate every "shoulda woulda - coulda" I suppose that should start now - no more puppy chow! LOL!

And - I should start by going to bed so I'm not a zombie tomorrow! lol.

I feel important - and I'm not - lol!:) Or maybe I am ---?

Truly weird - sports writers covering figure skating want to follow my twitter. What is this? I have no clue - I just have a crush on Stephane - and don't even get to watch the events live! LOL! And suddenly- people care about my opinion? People who publish articles about this sport? I'm just sitting on my sofa eating massive amounts of junk food wondering why I don't look like Meryl Davis! lol! My friends don't even seem to take my insight seriously. I have argue about why Rachael Flatt is deserving of a spot on the Olympic team for hours - and can't convince them because they think Ashley Wagner is more graceful. And suddenly - the press cares? And more than the Christian Science monitor...how did they even FIND me!? I don't even belong to the USFSA anymore - my skating magazine stopped coming over a year ago. Crazy talk!

I was told it's because I can break down the judging into "normal people terms." I thought that the press did a pretty good job of that without me - I mean - I've not sat down with a rule book and studied it. I'm not a technical specialist. I'm told things like "you can fall down and still win" are incredibly helpful for the public to know. That isn't exactly a novel sentence - but hey - I'm incredibly flattered to feel important in a sport where I was never important. Maybe - THIS is my career calling! LOL!

That being said - I have learned something from Stephane. In interviews (which I had to read in French because apparently to English press didn't interview him) - he said that he skating scared to make a mistake - imprisoned by fear - not wanting to fall - and feeling like the tiniest error would cost him his goals. THerefore he was tight and "lacked energy" so you couldn't see his "True sprit." I feel as though I do this in dance auditions. I'm so scared I'll forget the steps that I don't let go - which might explain why I don't do well. Technically - the elements are there - but the sparkle aint. When I SING - I kinda don't care - I just htink - well - here I am - if I'm flat I'm flat and they will have to deal for 16 whole bars. Well - this lady thinks I can belt - well - I here it is - whether it's actually belting or not - so my "true sprit" can shine through more. Just a thought.

Maybe I should make a skating blog. lol. See if I get any followers. What should I call it - suggestions? I can collect articles - and give my oh so worthy (sarcasm) opinions of the competitions and how they were judged. lol. could you imagine?

Also - I might be doing some assisting again - woohoo - Fabrizio is choreographing an off-broadway show - and needs and assistant - and he asked if it would be ok to call me. hehehe - would it be ok to call me...Fabrizio...

Much easier to act normal around him though now that my fake affections are thrown upon Stephane once more!:)

my worry of the moment

Instead of being ridiculously inspired by the Olympics - I'm just worried that I'll never be anything more than mediocre.

Skating expert.

I just wanted to write how thrilling and hysterical I find it that - thanks to an old roommate of mine - I have become the Christian Science Monitor's figure skating expert! I feel so important! Members of the international press - calling ME - asking me MY opinions of the scoring - and the sport's past present and future - the individual athletes - how I would score them - if I thought the event was judges fairly - what I think of the artistry - which athletes would I recommend for an interview, etc... my great contribution to the sport! LOL! I feel so loved!:)

year of the flood

Welp - turns out Oryx and Crake was an amazing novel - AND - as of Sept 2009 - there is a sequel - guess I know what is next on my reading list!

New Year's Dumplings

I wanted to try and make home made dumplings today -but got lazy - then learned it was the Chinese New Year's Eve - and you were SUPPOSED to make dumplings for prosperity. Will ordering dumplings tomorrow night count?

MY WAFFLES - dont mess with them!

its one thing to smoke in the apt, but to smoke aaaaaaaand repeatedly eat my waffles without asking - GAH! NO! I CANT wake up THINKING I have TWO waffles - because I always and only eat two at a time - and only have ONE waffle - REPEATEDLY! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BAD FORM! BAAAAAAD FOOOOOOOORM!

Getting fierce in theatre dance!:)

Today's audition was esp frustrating as they made us wait around for 6 hours - as they kept telling us - just a few more minutes - then - BOOM! Not being seen. Usually they at least have the courtesey to say - not gonna see ya - probably not gonna see ya - or come back at 2 and see how you are doing. Not --- a few more minutes - I was afraid to go to the bathroom for fear I'd miss my name. BOO!

That being said - it made me go to a theatre dance class I wouldn't have normally gone too - and I was apparently really fierce - so it was all worth it!:)

Oryx and Crake is infiltrating my mind - it's such a horrific yet realistic and somehow idealistic view of the future - that makes you rethink your views on death, life, genetic engineering, global warming, perfection, math, science, botox, animals, altered environments, univeristies, advertising, germs, medicine, pharmaceutical companies, government, the press, food, basically everything under the sun. It is so well written, sometimes I forget I'm reading fiction - and when I get off the subway (where I'm reading it) half expect to run into a pigoon or wolvgog or for the weather to permanently scalding. (fortunately the "Februrary Fury blizzard is a constant reminder that THIS is not a reality - yet.) It is one wild and crazy book. Can't wait to discuss it with book club.

Excited for a week sans auditions - technically bad for business - but good for psyche - and will let me focus on Fiddler on the Roof!:)

snow!

Well - I was hoping that the snow would come down upon NYC with all of it's fury and therefore keep all of the equity actors in their warm apartments so I could get seen - but I'm doubting that will become reality. My brother is the one being pummeled by the snow. That being said, Mary and I have been devising a plan - local theatre NEAR NYC - I can target to get my card. Theatres in Philly, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and NJ - easily accessible by train with OPEN auditions locally - so that will be good -and less - mind boggling and frustrating. The whole thing makes me grumpy - and when I start saying "if you go to this audition you can eat DUMPLINGS" we have a problem.

Fiddler was weird today. The music director seemed flustered and the singers started rebelling. Having BEEN in her position - I completely sympathized and wanted to punch the rebellious ones - but instead - decided to check nbcolympics.com on my phone and stay out of the way of all conflict. There seemed to be some personality clashes in the upper ranks - amongst the creative team - so - again - nbcolympics.com - GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO --- everyone? I'm relatively detached since Sasha isn't in the games - but I guess I can just sit back and enjoy - more like the summer Olympics!:) Will make it much more pleasant methinks.

Also FINALLY got to clean the apt! I think - I am getting my come-uppence for being messy my entire life. Roomie doesnt clean - AT ALL - or help - if anything is cleaned - I am the one to do it - which is very scary indeed! And - I really don't understand why she must smoke IN HER ROOM - I am not ok with this - but am too exhausted and cranky and lazy to confront her.

Welp - who knows what tomorrow will bring! I guess it's onwards and upwards!

Oh - I should also say - ORYX AND CRAKE - the book club book I said was needlessly pretentious - it actually incredibly awesome - and mind blowing. When my brain isn't so - blah - I'll expound!:)

mixed bag - of random thoughts.

If anyone wants to follow my journey as Tzeitel - visit my other blog here!:) http://letiezt.blogspot.com/

So - today - I woke up early - and was not seen at Sacramento! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! UGH! However - I did get to eat delicious dumplings at Rickshaw's dumpling store - I think dumplings are my new food obsession - that and of course - waffles.

I also discovered that SAM WILL BE HERE IN JULY AND AUGUST WITH THE RSC! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I think I scared my roomie with happiness!

I also think I'm tired -and frustrated - and worn out. I have an allegory for it - it happened today - I went to ballet - and I hadnt had time to buy a new water bottle- so I had my old one - and the cap didnt' screw on tight enough - so I dripped - the TEENIEST amount onto a girls jacket - who then yelled at me for dripping and said "can we please not drip your water all over the place. I need to wear that later." ANyhow - my allegory is - that I feel like that leaky water bottle. I feel like I'm leaking all over the place. Everyone wants my time - rehearsals, work, a show I havent even accepted yet because they wont give me the schedule OR PERFORMANCE dates, class, friends, weird random guys who I havent seen in four years - and the last time I saw them - they had told me they were in love with me- then when I met up with them said - JUST KIDDING I'm engaged - and acted like nothing ever happened - then their wife leaves them and now they call me and want me to climb onto rooftops with them. WHAT THE F*CK people! Why on EARTH can't I EVER meet a guy who will - just treat me like a human? And - they won't leave me alone - texting - facebooking - calling - showing up places -harassing my friends. GAH! And then there are my friends - bless their hearts - I can't find any time to hang out with them. And then there are people I dont care to hang out with - who show up at the places I am - and it makes me mad - because all of sudden I find myself entertaining them instead of devoting time to the blessful people who make life amazing! And then there are audition - so time consuming - so pointless - not because I dont do well - but because I'm not seen. Some guy came up to me in line today and asked me if I would vote for him to be president of Equity. I said "will you make me a member of equity." He said - oh - no I can't do that - jsut keep working. I said - I would lOVE to work - but I"m never seen. And he said "oh it's tough." I wanted to punch him.

That being said - I've met some really amazing people. Four really lovely dancers who I've met through auditions and through Fabrizio. And - yesterday in Fabrizio's class - Fabrizio told a girl how we met - it was really interesting hearing his side of the story. It makes me seem - way less - creepy? haha. It made me sound really amazing and professional - at which point the girl started asking me for advice on everything from dancing to auditioning to Wicked - and I was like whoah whoah whoah --- I don't know the answers to anything - but I'm honored you would ask me!

I should also mention - NYU - NYU - has been surprisingly cool to me - considering I didn't go there. NYU's CAP21 (the muscial theatre program) has given me several performing opportunities - and NOW I discover I can take class there - thanks to Mr. Fabrizio - haha - so I'm getting a quasi NYU education for $10 a class without ever having been accepted! Hysterical and amazing.

So I could complain a lot - but there is also a lot of wonderful. I miss Kat---but she is off having a great time in Arizona doing CATS - and I think it will be fabulous for her! In a way - NYC stiffles her - to it will be good for her to be with her peers and in a place with open airs and nature - and PERFORMING.

I'm glad Jean-Paul and I have re-instated our musical crazy food parties.

And - of course - I'm glad I get to work on TZEITEL! HUZZZZZAH!

GAH

Yesterday - kinda sucked - and was kinda awesome at the same time. It started off retardedly - but then - ended up singing amazing songs and listening to beautiful French horn piano duets and eating delicious food at Jean-Paul's house. (He is quite the chef.) And he humoured me by letting me pretend to be TOSCA! OH SCARPIO! AVANTE A DIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Today was Austin-erific. And Austinerific is always fabulous.

I think my roommate is smoking in her room - and that makes me very sad.

dancing bears painted wings

I am tired - very very tired - very excited - very sore - very motivated - to both audition and stay in bed - very sad three of my best friends are leaving the state and/or country for prolonged periods of time for awesome jobs - very happy to meet new friends - very confused and honored and excited to learn how to be an alto 2 - hoping I don't get fat again from hanging with opera singers - wishing petty dramas would end - endlessly fascinated by petty dramas - enjoying many of life's ironies - frustrated by many of life's ironies - in love with waffles which I currently believe are the world's most perfect food - wishing the day have 30 hours and the week had 10 days.

And now- going to get 5 measely hours of sleep - HOORAY!

alto 2

Well - apparently I'm now singing Alto 2 - the LOWEST voice part - in Fiddler. Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - something seems amiss... However, I also only sing one song with the chorus (Possibly two - TRADITION and possibly Sabbath Prayer) - so it's not too bad - and it's good (if not incredibly frightening) for me to learn how to harmonize. Also, almost all my friends from Pinafore are altos (who are all very confused at why I've been places as alto 2 - but who cares) - so I get to hang out with them - which is nice - since as they say - I am a "big fancy lead" and normally get taken away. I was also told I was "delightful" as Tzeitel - so - hey - I guess I'm not sucking tooooo badly.

Also - the girl playing Chava - busted out her lunchbox - and guess what it was - A LITTLE MERMAID LUNCHBOX!!!!! AHHHHHH! She is just as obsessed as I am (possibly more so - but slightly less pro-active about it - meaning - she didn't go out and find a job where she could dress up as Ariel - or buy heelies - but she did buy an Ariel lunchbox - so - she is just fabulous!:)

Also - in ballet - Nancy came up to me and said "YOU'RE DOING IT!!!!!!" with a huge smile- not really sure what this meant EXACTLY - but I'm assuming it's good -t here was something I didn't normally - but should have - that I finally did! LOL! YAY BREAK THROUGHS!

I was not seen at South Pacific! SURPRISE! What ---- not seen at an equity call!? NEVER?!? I then went to Reinking's - where she made us some butter with grilled cheese (her roommate even came out and was like HOLY F*** who puts that much butter on bread - ever! lol. I asked her about AFTRA - she basically said she thought it would be a good idea if I truly felt I could get equity work. Esp. with the world the way it is now. She also just got cast in an episode of an HBO show - so - maybe she could help me get the required "extra work" -

In other news - I have rediscovered the animated movie of Anastasia - fabulous wonderful and happifying all around - and am reading Tevye the Dairy Man (what Fiddler is based on) and a Margaret Atwood novel called Oryx and Crake. I'm only a whopping two chapters in - so any preliminary judgements I have may be very far off - but it seems quite pretentious to me. Let me be vague and apocalyptic (Dystopia is a word they like to use when describing Atwood) and maybe people will think I'm super deep and talking to them on a deeper level than usual. Rolls eyes. But it is what BOOK CLUB is reading - so ...yeah...

Also - Kat and Cara seem to be having a bizarre fight over their goodbye parties. I have no idea what is going on - but suddenly Cara has decided she in incredibly uncomfortable at our get togethers - and doesn't want to come over - she would rather go "get a drink" - and listed off a whole bunch of names I've never even heard of as guests. "Stewpawnie?" Who names their kid Stewpawnie? Or who is stewpawnie a nickname for? I'm so confused - and Kat wants to go bowling - which is apparently something Cara does not want to do - because she can't invite people like this mysterious Stewpawnie. Why does this Stewpawnie not like to bowl? Why have I never even heard of this person before that is so important? And - why am I the party planner making all the reservations? HAHA! In my COPIOUS amounts of free time! LOL! The best part is - I can't even GO because I got called in to work a last minute birthday party - some little kid needs Belle (Beauty and the Beast) and I need to be there! IN HOBOKEN! BLAH!

Well - I may soon be making $10 a SHOW! WHOAH! If Phantom ever calls me back! LOL! Then who will need the pretty princess gig!? lol. Sigh - if only --- the REAL Phantom would call!

But for now - there is work to be done! Gotta work on being a leading lady - gotta work on harmonizing - gotta work on belting - gotta work on picking up choreography - and THEATRE choreography - have to never eat Reinkings butter with grilled cheeses again - and - still find time to watch the Olympics!:) And though I have MILES to go - I do in fact - need to sleep.

oxymoron emotions!:)

I think I'm more nervous now that I have a part than I was when I was auditioning! It's so hard to live up to your own expectations - I think I finally got my nerves and mental state for AUDITIONS under control - but as they say in figure skating - it's easier to attack the castle than defend it. So now I'm plagues by self doubts - and the fear that everyone is judging me - wondering why they didn't get the role - and of course - the music director discovered today that I can't read music - nor can I harmonize. She was super sweet about it - but I was disappointed in myself. Just a reminder of how much more work there is to do! I also am not sure why I'm cast as a belting alto - I've always been first soprano - even at Interlochen back in the day - so I've always had the melody - this - is new territory - scary territory - good experience territory. I'm glad I have such a supportive creative team - and a fabulous lovely kind Motel the Tailor for me to fall in love with each day at rehearsal. (Alas - he plays on Ferrip's team - so no one start thinking a real life match is being made!)

Today I also had to sing my belting part - shudder - I really can't belt - but oddly - the music director told me I was being too American Idol. She also kept telling the other sisters to sing in their "pretty soprano voices." SIIIIIIGH! I want to sing in MY pretty soprano voice! My belting voice is horrifying me! It's not even a true belt! It's a pathetic mix more on the soprano side! BUt - apparently - too American Idol at the same time! My acting - however - is apparently delightful. I need to learn how to do a Yiddish accent for my yente impersonation. ACK! Dialect coach anyone!?

The director is all into dramaturgy and research - and was THRILLED when I pulled out my copy of "Tevye the Dairy Man" - he wants us to do as much research as possible. When - RESEARCH I can do ! Research I am stellar at! I can out research most anyone in the world! I LOVE IT! I REVEL IN IT! I DELIGHT IN IT! I THRIVE IN IT!

I am also so thankful to my best friends who have such ridiculous blind faith! Casey, Davin, Kat, Cara, Danielle, Amanda, Jana, Nancy, JP, Mary, Alena, just sending support and listening to my insecurities! And just - in general - being happy for me. Which is also scary - I tend to thrive on proving people wrong - oddly - but - I suppose I'll have to translate that into proving people right as well!:)

The bizarre phantom may have gotten even more bizarre - as it turns out they have cast NO ONE but the ballet girls - and given NONE of the ballet girls actual characters - and - haven't returned my call about rehearsals to see if it conflicts. (Meanwhile - still having my nervous breakdown about inadequacies over fiddler! Which makes just saying phoo-ey to it all and assistant directing for the rest of my life very enticing...lol)

Ah - the brain of an artist - the inner turmoil - the suffering for your art - the existential despair - the passion - the love - the gratitude - the entire spectrum of emotions - all experienced at the same time - LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME! lol! Crazy!

But don't get me wrong - I am SO THRILLED to have my part in Fiddler - and - after I get my feet under me - will be stupendous! And will continue to have a fabulous time!:)

when rains it pours

WEll today was weird ---- in a good way -

I was offered - two more jobs - one in the knock-off Phantom - and one A.D.ing and opera of Alice in Wonderland. Crazy. I doubt I"ll be able to do either - but it's cool to be pursued! LOL! touch wood...

Also - theguy before me at my voice lesson apparently had just finished telling Mary that my "Wonderful Guy" was on of his "faves" and was raving about me. Alright - when I listen to me sing I just want to fix everything - but I guess it doesnt suck to other ears...but not sucking isn't being amazing! I want to be AMAZING! STUNNING! STUPENDOUS! (I'm greedy! LOL!)

We had our first read through of Fiddler today - I was sooooo nervous - but apparently did a good acting job.... lots of work still to do!

Next goal - get a paying summer stock job! Come on fates - help me out with this one! Need to get SEEEEEN! THen - not get too nervous - and f-everything up - stay calm and relaxed and "sparkle." Siiiiiighhhhh. Miles to go before I sleep!:)