obsessed

Apparently I have become an ingenue.  I don't know how when or why this happened - but somehow it did.  I find this incredibly odd since my whole life I've always felt like the quirky ugly side kick - but somehow - I have now become "perfect" for Christine in Phantom, Ariel in Mermaid, and ----- this one I find a HUGE stretch - Galinda in Wicked.  Galinda in Wicked?  WTF?  The blonde popular sorority type girl????   So weird.  It's all a little scary too.  I don't understand how this happened....and when there is expectation - there is a lot of pressure.  When I listen to my voice - I just get frustrated and mad and hear everything that isnt Sierra.  (which is everything - since I am NOT Sierra.)  I also  have to get over my desire to always be perfect - to get better I'm gonna have to sound bad a lot - as I experiment and figure things out - but I'm afraid of people hearing me not sound "perfect."  (I don't think I sound anywhere CLOSE to perfect.)  Most of all - I need to learn to ACT and SING simultaneously - THAT is WAYYYYYY harder than it looks.  

Anyways - I've become positively obsessed with this entire thing.  Obsessively watching youtube videos of shows I want to do.  Obsessively recording myself and playing it back and recording again. Discussing the characters with anyone who will listen.  Discussing interpretations of the characters and their situations with everyone who will lend an eat.  Comparing choices made by the different actors.   Reading about their interpretations of their characters - interviews about why the made the choices they did.  GAH!  I just want to make it happen to badly!  I just have to figure out HOW!

I was thinking I should ask my friend in mermaid to help me out once a week with the dances for the dance audition.  I figure I have Sierra's teacher helping me with the voice, why not work on the dance?  However, at the same time - I might just have a nervous break down if I'm cut immediately.  But - with more preparation - how CAN they cut me!:)  But then again its theatre you can suck and get hired or be perfect and be cut - or be perfect and be cast and suck and get cut - or be perfect but have an off day - or be equally as perfect as three other people - but they wanted the person in the blue leotard instead of the purple.  It's crazy!  So I guess you just have to be prepared and work hard - be persistent - be strong both emotionally and physically - attempt to meet as many influential people who can get you hired as possible - and most importantly - have fun!

I sent Rovert a fax about being his assistant for "night music."  We shall see if he ever gets back to me.  

Reinking (and the cast of HAIR) was on Letterman tonight.  They were awesome!  The show looks like so much fun and I feel like a crappy friend do not having seen it yet - but seeing starfish pastie girl perform twice.  Blah.  Epic fail as best friend.

My love of all things Italian continues!  Francesco is being his glorious Francesco-y self.  Grom ice cream is gonna start carrying MINT starting tomorrow!  (May 1!!!!)  And I think one of the hot Italian sandwich men is flirting with me - I HOPE he is - hehehehe.  Whenever I go in (i.e. every thursday) he comes running over to make me my sandwich - he knows my name - but I don't know his!  Perhaps he will always remain - hot Italian sandwich man!

Banana week is drawing to a close.  Tomorrow or Saturday will be  day of banana bread glory!

Annabella has started texted me using a code name - she is starfish and I am --- Mermaid - oh - no one will EVER guess who that is.

I think since our talk yesterday - things with German will be better here on the home front!:)  Hooooray!

Gina has a picture of her baby up on facebook.  It's actually ---- cute!  Shudder!

The Food Talk

I loved today because it was a normal wednesday - I love my routines.  Auditions throw routines off - but today I woke up - went to Yoda's class - did some nice pirouettes - worked on STRETCHING and Having fun- being free - had a voice lesson - then went to contemporary where I continued to stretch and be free.

My voice is a little frustrating at the moment because its undergoing a metamorphosis - I hope for the better - I'm learning to control it and to focus it - and we started to work on belting - but because it is now in the depths of "work in progress" it is doing some wonky stuff.  It will ultimately be really good - but I'm gonna need to find a way to practice - which means finding somewhere German is not - which will be hard.  

Speaking of German - we had a food talk today.  He actually came home upset that he gained ten pounds and looked fat in his Salsa video - I told him I think I knew why - and after a lot of illogical arguing - he agreed he should try to eat healthier.  He seemed to think that he didnt have time to cook - and cookies are so easy.  I pointed out I never cook - I just get premade meals from Fairway.  He said they werent any healthier than cookies.  I said - what do you mean?  I got a piece of fresh cooked salmon or fresh turkey or beef meatballs made that day and refridgerated not frozen - with vegetables - that I only have to heat up for 2 minutes and voila - delicious and nutritious.  It averages to $4 a meal! There is lots of protein, veggies, dairy, and sometimes a startch like rice or potatoes.    All you have is a cinnamon bun.....with no nutritional value what so ever.  Then he said - "but you eat ice cream" - and I said no - I eat chocolate sorbet in a very controlled amount - not nine pints of ben and jerry's as dessert to my cookie and cinnamon bun dinner.  He said I was right and he would try to eat healthier.  I'm all about indulgence - but there has to be a limit!!!!!!!!!!!  So hopefully I'll lose the two pounds that is creating the slightest belly roll on my lower abs - it is yucky!  It worked out perfectly since German brought the issue up - and said it was something he wanted to improve in himself - I was able to just jump on the bandwagon and encourage.

Things I've learned in the past few days

I think I made a few discoveries over the past few days about my auditions and how I should approach them.

The first discovery I've mentioned before - I need to put together a 16 bar cut "performance package."  Beautiful voices are a dime a dozen - but beautiful voices that can captivate you with a heartfelt sparkling performance aren't so common.  I think new voice teacher can help with that.  I think I can work on that in my living room.  Good times.

The second is - I figured out my problem in dance auditions.  When I'm in Jana's class - everyone tells me they can't stop watching me, my lines are so beautiful, I have such a beautiful movement quality, etc...  I thought - well - I guess Jana's style just suits me.  Well that is true, it does suit me, but more importantly - I do a few things in her class that I don't in others - but could.  First of all - I have A LOT OF FUN - I almost feel like I"m out on a playground.  I trust my technique and just do the choreography - I"m smiling and experimenting and having a blast.  Secondly, I really REACH for everything - I REACH my arms, my legs, take huge steps, etc... it just makes everything look prettier and more exciting.  So - I need to have fun and REACH.  It seems so simple -

Thirdly - I decided I'm not gonna go to every freaking audition out there - I'm going to plot my auditions and come 210% prepared - a well chosen well rehearsed song, researched the choreographer, rested up, etc...  Otherwise I'm just performing like an exhausted worn out depressed out of work actress.  Getting cut and typed out is rough on the ego - and losing self confidence isn't really good for attacking auditions.  So I'm gonna be wiser - and decide quality not quantity.  

Fourthly, I cannot sing when German is listening - I get nervous and suck and it carried over into the next day - so mums the word when he's around - no matter how much he begs.

Fifthly - I must regard all of his food as POISON disguised as yumminess.  I HATE having to do mental restraint exercises when I'm at home - but how was I supposed to know that this tiny little German eats like a pregnant woman who's boyfriend left her?  GAH!

I locked myself in my room when he came home today - an evening of alone-ness did WONDERS for my brain.  

Rovert is directing in NYC again this fall- one of his london productions is transferring to the Bway.  I'm hoping he could use an assistant again.  He was such a joy to work with, but he may just be using his assistant from London.  Oh well, I'm going to write to him and hope.   

Something has to work out - I'm a talented intelligent girl - and I like to believe I'm good to people - and hey - I still have two months until Mermaid auditions again!:)

Apples to Bananas...

4 auditions and one dance class - a lot of running around back and forth between buildings and I'm spent.  I was typed out of everything - so it was ultimately fruitless.  Awesome.

And I've noticed Spring Fever abounding everywhere - boys keep trying to get in my (and every other girl's) pants - not even using euphamisms or attempting to woo - basically just - can I have sex with you - it's rather disappointing.  I'd like at least a bad pick-up line - I mean - there are websites dedicated to bad pick up lines - use the google.  It actually is really a conversation limiter - see a boy - say hello - then the conversation immediately turns to the crude and lewd - sigh - I suppose winter is the time for deep thoughts and summer the time to frolick?  And drink?  And eat shitloads of junk food Ikea?  WIll not lose control.  Will not lose control.  WILL NOT LOSE CONTROL!!!!

I saw a man waling TWO CORGIS today - a double roo sighting - made me super happy.

I'm also feeling slightly lame because my friend Dave e-mailed me links to his play Cross Road Blues performing in England.  (He wrote it.)  Technically this show has taken four years to come to fruition, but I'm still frustrated that I'm STILL waiting on music for Giraffe's Can't Dance - and still sans money for my showcase - blargh.  I wish I could apply banana economics here - (they mass imported the fruit and sold GIANORMOUS quanitities with a low profit on each banana - but because of the affordability (cheaper than apples and oranges! especially during the the 1930s!) GIANORMOUS quanitities of bananas were sold - making the end profit gianormous as well.  Unfortunately - I dont control all the bananas  I control just one banana - and its imported from very far away - making the profit - negative.  BLARGH.  I need to go to bed - I"m comparing children's theatre to bananas.  Good night.

Alone Time and Second Halves

This will probably make me sounds like a contradictory coocoo brain - but - I am simultaneously in need of my other half and a LOT more alone time.

German guys is really sweet and respectful - but I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE OUT LOUD WHILE I"M EATING MY ICE CREAM AND WINDING DOWN.  I want to plan my day and watch Sierra Videos - and stalk on facebook - and not have to "connect' with anyone.  I don't want to explain my auditions to someone - explain my how to "spot" when turning - explain why I'm singing one song and not another - or be explained to about amazing salsa dance moves.  I understand these are lal just his way of reaching out - but I do not want to be reached out to during my MEGAN time.  It's MEGAN time.  If my door is closed to my bedrooma nd I'm in it - DO NOT TRY AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME THROUGH THE DOOR. I want to be ALONE.  And whie you're at it - PLEASE STOP BUYING ECONOMY SIZED PORTIONS OF JUNK FOOD.  I do NOT need FOUR extremely large boxes of chocoalte cookies on the counter - I do not want to SEE them - I do not want to KNOW about them - chocoalte cookies do not EXIST for me - what is the deal little dude?  DO you ever get nutrition?

At the same time - I'm very much in need of my other half.  Throughout time - I've had various other halves - Amelie, Megan, Kristen, Morgandigo, Sara, Reinking, Evan, Ferrip, Batman, but at the moment I"m without an "other half."  It feels very incomplete.  It is something I want back in my life very badly - but it isnt something you can go looking for.  I am very fortunate to have many friends - but no one who I actually feel connected to.  Amanda comes closest at the moment - but she is in Buffalo.  But even when Amanda is here, she is still just a very good friend, not a second half.  Someone who is just plugged into you - and you to them - you never tire of their company and they never tire of yours - and you build upon eachothers ideas, excite and inspire eachother, and share curiosities about life.  Right now I dont feel as though anyone is on my same exact wavelength - and it is a lonely frustrating feeling that causes many an emo hour.

Also - I always have a difficult time with summer.  I know this sounds ridiculous - how could you NOT love running out into sheep's meadow in central park donning a bikini with a water bottle filled with vodka!    Summer always makes me feel out of control and unstructured.  My brain is a large nebulous mass of inspiration, imagination, and random facts about Bananas (I'm currently reading a book titled BANANA THE FATE OF A FRUIT THAT CHANGED THE WORLD.)  Without some sort of structure - it just floats around shapelessly absolutely useless.  With structure - it can be invincible.  Summer means that the normal structure of the "school year" and "audition season" is gone - so all of my friends go haywire.  Let's drink until 4 a.m. every night and eat obscene amounts of food, skip class and auditions to play frisbee, and so on and so forth.  I cant' function in any sort of a productive fashion under such circumstance, so my challenge for this summer is to NOT lose control - to NOT get fat and lazy and complacent.  TO enjoy myself sure - but remember my goals and dreams and not lose sight of those.  It will be difficult - but I can't be subject to the negative influence of others.

Also - Gina had her baby today.  Welcome Baby Finn to this wild and crazy topsy turvy world...

deep questions

So question - is it better to audition for anything and everything that pops up - or carefully plot and plan and focus on the auditions you'd be good for.  I.E. should I go to the FAME audition (in some tiny NJ theatre) that wants pop/rock singers - or should I go to class and practice my voice so that I can be super fierce and get Phantom or Mermaid or any Rogers and Hammerstein that come my way?  I think it is the latter - mainly because auditions take A LOT out of you - the whole waking up at 6 a.m. and waiting around etc... and I feel like I cant' give 100% to any of the auditions because I'm exhausted, unfocused, and unprepared.  I mean - you can never be prepared - I was prepared for Mermaid and had my friend teach me the dance audition - then they turns around and taught a DIFFERENT dance combination - and asked for a DIFFERENT song - but you know what I mean - the readiness is all.  Additionally - the casting directors see you, and when they see you enough, remember you, and you want them to remember you as being super fierce - not pretending to be a pop/rock tap dancer.

So yeah ---

Today was a pretty typical thursday - except - whilst buffing the floors - I realized how much Mary changed my singing for the better by the way I was using my breath - it was - haha - a whole new world!  HOOOOORAY!)

sparkle

I'm in one of those - "what's the point" moods, which is odd because I didn't have one of those what's the point days...ballet class was fine - although the choreographer who cut me after shenay turns at the Met was in class - and we did - shenay turns - that was - awkward.  My shenay turns were good though.  My voice lesson was cancelled which made me disturbingly sad - I should not get that upset over something so trivial - but was then rescheduled for later in the day.  Unfortunately - this meant no  - Patti - and I actually really wanted to take Patti today.  Ah well.  I went over to Reinking's where we tried to figure out what to get Gina as a congratulations you just had a baby party - then went to my voice lesson - which was good.  Apparently my voice is VERY BIG - we worked on breathing properly and controlling my HUGE voice - and "unblocking" my tension - which is hindering my voice from reaching it's "true sparkle."  I also have some bad habits which I knew I had but wasn't sure how to break - she helped break them down.  For example - I make a really funny constipated looking face - and my left arms likes to crawl up like it has a mind of it's own.  It does the same thing when i tap.  I think the lesson was good - I hope it was good.  Too soon to tell.  

I then came home and cleaned and paid bills.  Fun.    And depressing.  Taxes and the month without a subletter really screwed me - looks like copious amounts Ramen is in my future...

I'm just frustrated because I want to be working (who in this business doesn't).  I think that this voice teacher can make me a "complete package" when I go into singing auditions.  What I mean is - in addition to releasing the true "sparkle" of my voice - she can help me with the presentation - the "acting" - which SOUNDS really easy but is surprisingly difficult.  Additionally - she said we would work on how to warm up at 6 a.m. or how to best deal with the awful audition settings - (how should I warm up and block out all the other girls walking around singing around me, etc...)  So that is exciting.  That will help a lot.  I don't know what to do about dance.  The more encouraged I get about singing - the more discouraged about dance.  I really don't understand why I don't "sparkle" at dance auditions.  The teachers seem to think I'm good - I get really positive feedback from my peers, people often say they watched me adn I was really good and they wondered why I wasn't kept - I mean - I'm not a waif - but I'm not fat - so what gives?  The most frustrating part is when I ask people "who they kept" "how could I improve" -etc... I get the whole "auditions are retarded and who knows what they are looking for" answer - but truth be told - that is COMPLETELY unhelpful.  I want to figure out how I can be BETTER - no one is perfect - I see those ABT dancers working their butts off - if they had butts - and they are all pretty perfect - but they are always improving and working.  I want to do that - I want to know what I am NOT doing that I should do- or what I AM doing that I should NOT do - etc...I want to "sparkle."  I am thankful I have someone to guide me through the singing - now I gotta figure out about the dance.  If they would only keep me through a dance call - and I could sing - dang.  Even the teacher was like - if you make it through and sing - the music director is gonna say - we have to hire her!  BLARGH.  AH well - Mermaid will audition again in June or July - so - got a little more time to plot and plan and become the perfect Ariel that they are looking for!:)

Today was EARTH DAY!  HOOORAY.  I"m not sure I did much for the planet today - but this weekend is Planet Earth weekend - Kat, Cara, JP, German, me, and some nature documentary videos and food.  I'm looking forward to it!

And EWWWWWWW - I just saw an add for poptarts topped in ice cream - the calories will give me nightmares for months!  GAH!

bananaberry

I havent posted in a while because I was in Maryland with my mom and her family.  When I say Maryland - we actually went to DC and Pennsylvania as well - visit my bro in DC and some Amish people who make INCREDIBLE zucchini bread with walnut and icing and applebutter - YUM!  I would say it was nice to escape the city - but in all honesty - I'm in love with the city and missed it.  At this moment in my life, I TRULY prefer big cities to small towns.  Small town seem to make sad.  Perhaps it just exemplifies what a spoiled brat I am, but it seems so strange to me that people get super excited about a Sonic or Chipotle getting put into a local shopping mall.  Shouldnt they be hoping for a Bobby Flay restaurant or Melting Pot?  Anyhow, it was nice to hang out with my mom  - even if my head was in the clouds - or under the sea the entire time.

I came back on Sunday and met up with German roomie, JP, Kat, and Cara to go see the Broadway Understudies concert which Starfish Pastie girl was performing in.  It was a really enlightening concert because all of these Broadway understudies performed songs they use to audition.  It was really interesting seeing the songs they chose and how they performed and "blocked" them.  I was thinking - OOOOOOOOH! That's how they do it!  Most excellent!

Monday I went to a crazy cirque de soleil esque contemporary dance audition - I was of course - cut - because it was a dance call and I am ALWAYS cut.  I must actually really suck at dance.  Or at least all forms that arent Jana --- THen - JP, Amanda, Kat, and I had all you can eat Indian food and discussed the life of an artist! I believe this can best be summed up in a passage I read in my encyclopedia book:

"but we were born of risen apes, not fallen angles, and the apes were armed killers besides. And so what shall we wonder at? Our murders and massacres and missiles, and our irrconcilable regiments? Or our treaties whatever they may be worth; our symphonies however seldom they may be played, our peaceful acres, however frequently they may be converted into battlefields, our dreams however rarely they may be accomlished. The miracle of man is now how far he has sunk but how magnificently he has risen. We are known among the stars by our poems, not our corpses

It was Amanda's last day before she left for Buffalo for three weeks.  SNIFFLE!  I'm gonna miss her so much!  My ballet buddy is gone!  Now I have to fend for myself in life --- 

Today was my big audition day of the week!  THREE AUDITIONS!  And I was seen for all of them!  I sang PART OF YOUR WORLD for the first two - 101 Dalmations and Once/Twice - it went very well and I got very positive feedback!:)  Most excellent - all practice for my eventual takeover of Mermaid!  Then I went to the Met for a DANCE AUDITION - and SURPRISE - I was cut immediately.  What is with this?  I think is my thighs.... grrrrrrr - but who knows...

Then --- some girls (yay new friends!) from the audition and I went to take Tressor - because that was the only available class at that hour - and guess who is there in all his glory!?  BATMAN!  GAH!  All these people asked him where he's been and he said "I'm not telling you."  Which is remarkably odd - but not out of character - but then everyone kept telling me. BLARGH!.  Anyways - ballet class sucked - but Jana's was awesome and the ego boost I needed.  We danced to a beautiful song - and the combination was beautiful - and Jana had me stand in the front for all the groups (we normally switch lines) - so I was happier.  After class - me and this guy who just moved here from Iraq of all places, named Fadi, had a conversation. he is in Batman's partnering class and wanted to know the story.  He actually had some really fabulous life insight - and seems like a really fun guy - so Kat and I are gonna try to go out with him on Friday for drinks and adventures.  

Anyhow, that was basically my past few days - thrilling I know - 

Oh and I learned that a banana is a berry...fascinating!:)

Hope all is well!:)

VINDICATION

Today I went to Yoda's class where he talked about being on the music - and guess what - I WAS ON THE MUSIC!  HA!  TAKE THAT PATTI!  I don't need you and your cruise!  I was on the music and all the amazing ballerinas weren't!  MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yoda remembered he liked me today. I was SUPER happy about that!  He gave me a lot of really great corrections as well as positive feedback.  When HE gives you positive feedback - you know you are doing SOMETHING right.  He also of course takes into account what is good for YOU - so - that must be taken into account - I'm not sure anything I was doing would be "good" for an ABT or NYCB dancer.  However - he also forgot he doesn't like Batman.  He also forgot I don't like Batman.  Nor does anyone.  So he called me over and said "Our friend called me yesterday and said he's pop in to say hello  - have you seen him?"  And I said no - and he continued to talk about about him - and I was trying not to cry - I mean - what do I say?  I'm sorry I don't talk to him because he is a complete douche bag who fucks over his friends, family, and if you remember YOU!  THis is NOT very Yoda like behaviour.  Unless - did Yoda always have faith in Anakin?  Batman isn't even cool enough to be Anakin.  He can't even use the force to run his own evil empire.  This is like - having faith in a deranged one of Darth Vadar's soldiers who accidentally keeps aiming the gun at this own face instead of Luke Skywalker.  GAH! But I mean  -- I don't want to say anything BAD or offensive to Yoda - so I'm trying my best to just smile and nod and not cry.  I fail - and break down in the bathroom.  It's pathetic.  If you aren't a beautiful gay man explaining the dirty look you gave Batman - just don't TALK about Batman.  GAH!  But anyways - Yoda gives Batman complimentary classes, dance clothing, jobs, etc... and Batman treats his like shit, and makes him look bad by being a complete disrespectful dickhead - but for whatever reason  Yoda likes him - and wants him back in class.  And seems excited Batman called him and said he would come to class and say hello - but doens't know why he hasnt done so yet.  But no one has seen him except for his cameos in the 12 year old classes where my gay men give him dirty looks as he changes.  So - as I'm crying in the dressing room - some high school girls come over and say "OMG BATMAN IS SOOO CREEPY!  ANd a child molester!  And tell me some VERY disturbing stories - so I feel better - and i"m off to Tressors class to break in my pointe shoes.

Now - first off - I'm trying my Freed pointe shoes - totally different brand - totally different PAINFUL ballgame.  MY Bloch pointe shoes never hurt -it was weird - but I apparently didn't get up all the way over the toe.  These Freeds I DO get up over the toe - but EEEEESH THEY HURT!!!!!!  May you never have to put on such painful footwear!  Anyhow, I decide to break them in in Tressor's class - because Tressor really doesnt care about his class.  He doesn't pay attention to the students, he flirts with the cute high school girls.  He talks about his spin class and why he has to end class 15 minutes early.  So I figure if I fall and die - no biggie.  If I am dancing awfully, he won't notice.  Whatever - it's a great class for that kind of work.  PLUS - his bar is SUPER short - so there is lots of time in the center to practice pirouette-ing, etc...  Great for a second ballet class of the day.  So I get there - walk in - and WHO IS THERE!  BATMAN!  BATMAN IS THERE!  WHAT THE F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHY IS HE TAKING A CRAPPY CLASS THAT HE HAS TO PAY FOR AND NOT YODAS?  ESPECIALLY WHEN HE TOLD YODA - gah - like I should be surprised he told a LIE.  AND WHY IS HE THERE INVADING MY LIFE WITH HIS AWFULNESS?  GAH!  Never mind - I sing some Little Mermaid to myself - compose myself - and decide to have a great class anyway.  And surprisingly - it IS!  My pointe shoes hurt like  MOTHER - but - oddly - Tressor said "very good" to me.  WHAT?  Tressor was paying attention enough to say good?  How odd - but fabulous!  And Amanda came in to watch through the door - for both moral support and to check on my shoes - and she said they looked good - so - HOOOORAY! ANd I didnt fall and die!  In fact I even did Fouettes on pointe!  I've nver been able to do them before ! YAY PAINFUL FREEDS! Let's hope I don't fall and die in female Yoda's tomorrow.  I hope I feel confident enough to go to the Wheeldon audition and not a complete fool of myself.  

Then I took Jana's which was super fun - and my gay boys were all there - (prepped with their dirty looks!  Jana's class goes into the room as Tressors lets out so there is a brief overlap.)  Anyhow - after Jana's I had to go to this girl Annabella's "dinner party" - where this one girl came up to me and said that she can't stop watching me in Jana's class because my dancing is so so beautiful.  I was shocked.  And then two other girls talked about how beautiful my ballet dancing.  I think it is POSSIBLE if not PROBABLY they had a little too much to drink, but if made me feel really good inside anyway.  I mean - I completely understand I could never hold a candle to those ABT girls, but it's still nice to know people enjoy watching me on some level.  I've been working very hard - so it's nice to have positive feedback every now and then.  Of course - they had me do my Little Mermaid song  - about 80 times - at the party - but I love it -Charlie and I also sang duets.  He is a super Pop and R&B singer - so we get a kick out of my "opera" voice mixed with his "pop" voice -  and Jean-Paul was there - he's always great to hang out with - and he gave me a massage - yay massage!

BLARGH - I feel so helpless with no other auditions to go to-------- but also gotta hone the skills.  I forget if I wrote about this - but when I was talking to Reinking she was explaining that the kids who got hired for the summer stock jobs are generic performers who can "do" everything but just do everything ok - but don't really excel at anything.  (I don't know if this is true or not - but it made me feel better.)  She said - what I do well - I do reallllly well - but I cant do EVERYTHING - (I.e. - my tapping/ belting problem...) but when the opportunity arises - I will actually be a "star" (She uses that term loosely....)  So - I gotta hone my skills!  (And heck - it would help if I could tap a little and belt - because I really wouldnt mind a summer stock season...I think it would be super fun actually!)  Alright - time to get some beauty sleep...

Khan

Relatively unexciting but productive day.  Yoda's ballet class, went home and cleaned, did laundry, finished my taxes, mailed them off, went to Patti's where  SURPRISE - I got yelled at for not being on the music - then worked for Charlie.  Yoda asked me where Batman was - I said I didn't know. Though in retrospect, there were so many more witty things I could have said.  

I'm watching a tv show now that says 1 in 12 men are related to Genghis Khan.  Makes you think --- 

Welp tomorrow I'm breaking in my new pointe shoes so I can audition for Christopher Wheeldon at the Met on Thursday.  Again, another TOTALLY Quixotic quest - but one I have to try.  Wheeldon is the current Balanchine - so all of these ballerinas are going to be there being -ballerinas.  It's actually the only audition I can do to this week.  Other auditions include Frank Wildhorn's (of Scarlet Pimpernel composer fame)  new musical called WONDERLAND based on Alice and Wonderland  - but they want pop songs and pop voices - Babes in Arms which is looking for 14 year old tap dancers - and - well - Patti is having auditions for a cruise line - but she informed me today she would cut me because I cant count music.  (WHAT?  Who said I was going to audition for her anyway?  I don't want to do a cruise!  Especially not one I don't get to play Ariel!  Why did she have to go out and say that in front of the class?  I swear I'm not THAT bad at counting music - and I swear I"m not the ONLY one who is off the music - I watched the other groups dance - I'll just pretend its because I'm so fabulous technique wise she wants to push me even further!:)  yay for pumping myself up - lol. ) So - all that being said - I'll be going to Wheeldon and that's it this week.

btw - I got to the entry in my encyclopedia book that talks about Andrew Lloyd Webber - PHEW!  I feel enlightened.   I also learned that Hollywood was founded by a prohibitionist who wanted a town to uphold is his staunch moral values - hrmmmmmmmmmmm - wonder what he would of Hollywood now.

And - thanks to youtube instructional videos - I have now figured out how to actually do my hair and makeup - so I was a really cool braid today and "sleeping beauty" inspired eyeshadow - and it made me happy.

Creative Habit

Well another Easter has come and gone - this one had no egg dying, and very little ceremony Christian, Jewish, Pagan, or otherwise for me.  It would seem my friends are militantly agnostic or atheistic - and want to protest the entire holiday claiming Christianity is hypocritical, oxymoronic, and senseless.  Not even a chocolate bunny or cadbury egg (ironically - symbols of Pagan fertility NOT resurrection) were to be consumed.   This does not mean it was not a fun although ultimately unproductive - even counterproductive day.

Usually I do laundry on Sundays - but no laundry today.  Today I went out to Brooklyn to have Brunch with Amanda and her Broolynite friends.  They are a very intriguing bunch, one of them actually served in the military and was telling us about how surreal Honk Kong is (with its ubiquitous techno music and dance dance revolution games), Americanized the port of Dubai has become (Fudrucker's greats the sailors) - but the actual TOWN of Dubai is apparently very gay - men walking down the streets hand in hand claiming sex with women is for reproduction but with men is pleasure, Japan which is so clean it makes Disney World look like a cesspool of dirt, trash and gum, and Seattle - which is just cool.  More importantly - we ate a place called Jimmy's diner which gave us donut holes as the "bread" for the table - and let me tell you - these were the most amazing donut holes ever - I don't even like donuts - but I LOVED these.  And the pancakes were delicious.  We then went thrift store shopping where (In addition to a VHS cartoon version of Ben Hur starring - Charleton Heston)  I found a book for two dollars called Shakespeare is Fun.  I picked it up expecting it to be one of those books that explain the Capulets are like the Blood and the Montagues are like the Crypts and they are totally out shoot eachother's asses.  Instead - it is a fabulous book where the author interviews famous actors and directors (many from my beloved RSC) about why their parts are "fun" or their direction is "fun" or why they find shakespeare "fun."  It is really interesting reading about Tony Sher's take on Richard III (granted I have read more about Tony Sher's RIII than any other interpretation of anything in history - he even wrote an entire book called Year of the King about his portrayal - which of course - I read) or the most boring Shakespeare production John Geilgud ever saw - and what he learned from it about how to makes Shakesepare NOT boring - but FUN.  So I am thrilled with my new reading material once I'm done with the encyclopedia/encyclopaedia.  

Then I went to meet Reinking - we saw the movie Adventureland which was cute  - then we had a nice easter dinner of tomato soup and quiche lorraine.  MMMMMMMMM - living the high life.  It was most delicious actually.  Good and varied conversation -from theatre - to boys - to Pontius Pilate - to Somali Pirates - you know - the usual.

Tomorrow I'm taking a "me day."  Well kind of --- 

I'm taking class - then going home to do laundry and clean - then taking and working for Charlie who is newly employed and must complete training at MARS.  Sigh.  But the middle of the day is for doing my laundry - since - there are no auditions that I'd be any good at tomorrow.  And - I need to organize my life sometime - no matter how much I hate doing it or how incompetent I am at it.  Whilst in the thrift store, Amanda found Twyla Tharp's book "the creative habit" and asked if I had read it.  I said I hadn't - but I didn't need a creative habit  - that I have - what i need is a book about how to market your creative habit and make money at whilst doing so!:)

gummy worms

So today was kinda sucky because at work this guy informed me that the Barrington phone calls did in fact go out - which of course means - I did not get one - so - no Louise - no Carousel.  FYI everyone reading this - The Secret does NOT work.  I repeat - The Secret does NOT work.  I don't think anyone was envisioning that more than I was - so - I repeat - The Secret does NOT work.  (I of course have never actually read the secret - but I am told it says if I envision something and believe its true it will happen - well - I did that - it did not happen - which leads me to conclude The Secret does NOT work.) Boo.

But the truly upsetting part of all this is that I had to sit there while all these others musical theatre people who work at steps talked about all their exciting summer jobs and how they couldnt decided whether to work at Algonquit or Sacramento - and I can't even get freaking seen for anything but Phantom 2 which I sucked at.  GAH!  The saddest part is - I truly think I have more than enough talent to get cast if I could only be seen.  I mean - of course - you have to fit the puzzle.  If Barrington hired a 5'2 Julie  - they cant have her daughter being 5'5 - it just looks funny.  But if I was seen at more than five things - I'm sure something would have worked out.  When it comes to singing, dancing, and acting, I have a pretty darn good package.  (touch wood.)  SO GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH!  It makes me want to bash walls in.  An old friend from Jupiter theatre however IMed me today, and said that SHE - who IS equity - and has not one but TWO agents - has a hard time getting seen as well right now - that was a little comfort.  One of the guys at work also pointed out - that while they are all out on their summer jobs - the Bway shows will be holding auditions and I WILL get seen - because they will all be away doing regional shows - and I can pop in.  Here's to hoping.  Mermaid will be auditioning in June!  I've been tapping!

Sadly - this day also involved a lot of binge eating - so that has GOT to stop for me to don the famous seashell bra...

I had a really disgusting dinner Jean-Paul.  He proposed this riddle to me:

1,2,6,42,1806, ---- what number follows in the sequence.  I solved it without a calculator in just a few minutes.  Apparently this is super impressive - see if you can do it!:)  Apparently it's super hard, but I figure if I could come up with the answer, it doesn't take a rocket scientist.  (Obviously - as I am not a rocket scientist.)

I always find its funny when people are surprised I have a brain - I have a very good brain - I just hide it very well ---  it's my secret weapon ---

People are probably sick of hearing about my dance classes - oh well

GAH I WANNA SING LIKE SIERRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I keep finding more clip and she is so freaking amazing.  I'll record myself and think I sound pretty darn good - then I'll hear and her - and bam - I think - gotta get back to work - now!  hahaha!  It's freaking ridiculous.

Anyhow - I woke up this morning to a very frantic German freaking out about my facebook status and worried I was gonna move to Florida.  I don't talk to anyone until I eat my waffles - much less freaking out Germans - though its actually quite funny ---

Two ballet classes - one with each Yoda.  I LOVE female Yoda more every day - she is so sweet and helpful.  Male Yoda showed a glimmer of remembering he likes me.  I went to tap - and actually did better - even got some rhythms correct - hooooray.  

Amanda got back from Florida - she flew all the way out to audition for a dance company who said they were interested in hiring her - only to get there - take class - and then be told they have no positions!  This is a cruel cruel cruel cruel cruel world we live in!

I wish that I had a job - blargh.  I think after I start taking REAL voice lessons - and have some fine polishing done -  it will happen - if not sooner.  It would help if I was SEEN at these things ---

Francesco was especially thrilled by my Ariel at the Disney Theme Park impersonation - apparently my Ariel impersonation brings laugther and joy and exclamations of "You do that perfectly" throughout the land.  (It probably helped that I was wearing my Ariel makeup and hair as instructed on a youtube Ariel makeup tutorial.)  So that settles it - I'm going to Disneyland!  

Apparently there was another Batman spotting - he was in Tressor's class -not Yoda's - causing many people to question what is going on - I said I didn't know and probably should talk about it.  My gay protectorate still loves telling me of their "dirty looks."  HAHA!  If looks could kill - he would probably have a very gay flowery death - strangled by dance belt or something...

Sigh - I miss Kat and Cara - but at least Amanda is back!  WAHAY!

princesses and tea parties

My desire to become a Disney Princess has gotten a bit out of hand - I found Disney Princess Make-Up tutorials on youtube.  You know you're obsessed when...

Anyhoo - who knows - maybe I'll get to be a Disney Princess at a theme park - them I'd get paid for running around in a princess dress pretending I"m a princess and saying things like "oh, did you have a slay a dragon to win your princess" when a couple comes up to say hello -or "Did you swim here from far away land of Michigan?" or "Hello Mr. Bug, did you fly here from Animal Kingdom?" or "You ate fish!  Well I'll be sure not to tell Ariel."  (yes yes yes - I watched park princess videos too - those were all things said by actual princess.  But I mean - they have tea parties and twirl and hug people all day- nice life.  (except most of those people are ---- shudder - kids!)  Hey - I wanna be a Disney Princess!   And if you are Ariel in JAPAN - you get a harness and fly around - and don't have to hug anyone!  And you get to be in the LIGHT PARADE!  I mean - come on - that is my DREAM!

Anyways - just another way of becoming Ariel if the Bway doesn't work out - hahaha - but I think the Broadway will work out - I have evil plans abounding -I'm actually playing the political game - GASP - I never play those - but I'm trying to do it most subtly ---

Sadly - my back is completely thrown out - I think from helping Rienking move - and it is messing with everything - from my physical comfort to my mood.  GAH!  I've been trying to get it back into whack - but to no avail - ah well - this too shall pass ---

Three of my lovely gay man Roman phalynx protectorate of Batman proudly came up to me today saying - GUESS WHAT - we saw Batman and we ----GAVE HIM A DIRTY LOOK!  HAHAHA!  I'm sure those dirty looks were DEVASTATING.  I love them.  They also refer to me as a mermaid instead of a human - which I find extremely amusing - if not --- totally weird.  Francesco is trying to get me to audition for Cedar Lake with him --- I'm not so sure that is a good idea -----Cedar Lake is one of the best contemporary ballet companies in the world - but Francesco is so hard to resist... however - there are King Lear auditions that same day - and some new musical I know nothing about but they claim to want a sweet soprano - and who am I to turn down an opportunity to be a sweet soprano?

I can say my encyclopedia/encyclopeadia is a very entertaining read - however - I retain NOTHING from it - I got a lot out of the Bible book - but this one I just get momentary amusement - so ultimately - it's not incredibly productive - I got more out of skimming the Graeme Base book.

I have to get back to work on my showcase too - figure out how to make my website - I came up with all sorts of fun fundraising ideas for Quixotic whilst buffing floors tonight.  And my collaborator - Charlie - got a job today (waitering at this awesome Mars themed restaurant - called - well - MARS - )- so now he'll time to help me plot and plan!  AND - my composer for Giraffe's Can't Dance finally got back to me with music ideas - I wrote her back - yet to get a response - but you know - she is busy conducting the national tour of spring awakening - and I am fantasizing about twirling with six year old girls in a princess costume.  (fitting seeing as Giraffes Can't Dance is a kids show...)

Anyhow, relatively productive week - auditions, scheduled voice lesson, dance classes, almost done with taxes, did stuff for Giraffe's Can't Dance, thought up fundraising ideas, researched how to become a princess - helped two people move - read up through the F's in a book about one man's experience reading the dictionary...kept myself from having a mental breakdown over lack of phone call for role I really wanted and had an actual shot at (but that's the biz) - I can't wait for Easter!  Brunch with Amanda and movie with Reinking!:)

OH!  ANd the Yumiko leotard I ordered TWO MONTHS AGO - finally came in!  HOOOORAY!  Yumikos = happiness,

oh brain where art thou?

My brain stopped working today.  The Met audition was more disasterous than my first Phantom 2 audition - my brain wouldnt retain ANY of the choreography - much less do anything anything on the music -  ah well - I don't think I would have gotten kept even if my brain had been on - but my ballerina friend Jessica was kept - and she is super sweet so that is happifying.

I learned a lot of intriguing facts in my encyclopedia/encyclopaedia book - and went to barnes and noble to kill some time where I "read" a book on the art work of Graeme Base - he wrote books such as the Eleventh Hour and Animalia.  "Read" is in parantheses becase I mostly looked a the pictures - and felt very inadequate after seeing a fathers day card he drew when he was 7 that is better than anything I can do now. He also had a whole serious of tree branches with castles growing out of them - which was stunning! Another very cool images was a cave create out of a pair of hands - the wrists dissolving into rocks.  Words can't actually describe the images - or at least not my words with my turned off - but  I would love to somehow incorporate those images into a stage production ---

Today was intriguing at Steps because - Batman was there in the evening - and all my friends minus his sister and Francesco are out of town.  Sniffle.  But the sister did the job of my friends and pulled me away to talk about Mermaid.  Weird - then Francesco came over and kissed my cheek about fifty times - I love Francesco.  He also watched me in class and blew me kisses.  (I must reiterate - Francesco is gay - so these are gay European kisses - not erotic kisses.)  I remember when Batman used to stand in the door and watch - it's nice to look up and see Francesco.  

Anyway - I"m sore and tired and temporarily incapacitated in the brain - so I'm gonna go!  yay.

punk fairy princess

Today I am exhausted.  I woke up an hour earlier than usual so that I could sign up for the American Idiot musical dance call.  The Green Day Album American Idiot (wikipedia it if you don't know what it is - it is a rock opera about the political and social situation in America and the apathy of many of its citizens) is being transferred to the stage and I'm fairly certain it's going to be one of the most amazing theatrical events of all time.  The choreographer is genius!  I watched his work on youtube and it is beautiful.  He actually choreographs a lot of Shakespeare - oddly enough.  The musical will have dancers who don't sing, so it will be in the style of Notre Dame de Paris, which is one of my and my mom's favorite musicals.  The choreography truly reaches crevices of emotions words can't reach, it adds an undercurrent and opposition that reveals new aspects of the story - to quote Boydy - it "releases the text."  At any rate, it's another show I am super excited about.  At one point, Reinking and I were trying to adapt it, but since neither one of us embodies "Punk" we ultimately either failed or were beaten to the punch.  In my opinion though, this creative team is PERFECT, and show will be brilliant.

So I did my best to make myself look punk - I even practiced last night - however - when I proudly showed my work to my friends they said "oh you look like a fairy princess."  Hrmmmmm - not what I was going for but hey...

Anyhoo - I woke up early to sign in - I got there - and there were a bunch of mean girls there who refused to start a list - and insisted if I want to be on the list I would have to wait until the monitor came, which would mean I'd have a hard time making it to yoda's class - which was the only class I would be able to take since I was helping Reinking move.  Especially silly about this was there were THREE of us.  THREE!  I mean- for PETE'S SAKE! It wasn't like there were hundreds - just start a damn list!  If they were seeing non-equity - all three of us would get seen!  GAH!  At any rate, the monitor came, and I raced to Yoda's class - where all of the famous people from ABT were taking class as well.  YAY inferiority complex.  But it is also awesome to be able to take class with them.

Then I went to help Reinking move - which - is very exhausting - esp. since the apt. she was moving FROM was a walk up - so my body is very sore.  But I got to hang out with cool people which as fun.  But I was so exhausted I couldnt take evening class - I just went home - finished taxes, and let my brain turn to muck.

Well - almost much - Adam Lambert on American Idol is simply mind blowing.  How is it possible for anyone to be that good?  Good?  I mean AMAZING!

I also learned I had been spelling encyclopaedia incorrectly.

And I'm now watching The Daily Show where John Stewart is comparing Obama to Superman and Bond, and contemplating why on earth the Irish would want St. Patrick's Day to be turned to potato day - (apparently the Irish want this because it is more politically correct - John Stewart disagrees.)  And whilst talking about John Stewart, I read that a space probe might be named after Stephen Colbert - which I find funny - and odd - and a bit envious -

Well - I'm exhausted and auditioning for the Met again tomorrow - which is an entirely quixotic endeavour - since I'm NEVER kept at dance calls and they really don't like me at the Met - but hey - into the fire...onward - hoooooooooooo!:)

PS - in the end - I got a text from a friend who was at the American Idiot call - who was gonna let me know how the call was going whilst I helped Reinking move - AKA - let me know when I should head back to the audition building - that said non-equities weren't being seen.  Big sad face. But hey - I still looked like a fairy princess!:)

Jellicle dogs!

Ah well - I suppose Carousel is a no go - that's hard to type - but I didn't get a phone call today either.  Sniffle.  They must have been looking for one of the whispy girls.

However - I did go to CATS and got called back to dance - which made me laugh - 

TOmorrow I get to be a punk dancer and dance for the Green Day musical!  And help rienking move! And film Amanda's audition video! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  Its dizzying - but its nice to be productive.  And my planner is CERTAINLY getting a workout!

German roommate brought NINE PInTS OF ICE CREAM - a PIE - and an economy sized box of candy bars!  GAAAAAAH!  Its also funny because he says "w" instead of a "v" sound - so he talks about Buffy the wampire slayer - or the musical dance of the wampires.  I miss being able to hibernate alone - but I think he'll be ok to co-habitate with.  I hope so.

I also had lunch with my friend Alena - who is SUPER SUPER cool. She spent a year in Korea teaching children English through theatre.  It was really great hearing about her adventures, everything she learned, and her perceptions of Korean culture.  Especially intriguing was the fact that American humour does not carry over in Korea - so English teachers get paid to watch the Simpsons with Korean students and explain why it is funny.  Additionally, due to political events in Korea during the 1950s, they don't understand the concept of 1950s rock'n'roll or poodle skirts.  However, the Korean govt. pays for educational theme parks!  Why don't we have educational theme parks.  (epecot and seaworld don't count!)  These are special theme parks with the sole purpose of teaching English and foreign culture to the students.  Incredible.  

I'm off to bed - big day of moving and being a fierce punk rocker!!!!!

flamingos

TWO NEW YUMIKO LEOTARD DESIGNS CAME OUT!  DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

German dude moved in - he is really sweet - and has his own tv!  So - I guess I dont have to worry about missing any Hannah Montana episodes - phew.

I finished my YEAR OF LIVING BIBLICALLY book - I"m now onto another book by the same author called KNOW IT ALL about reading the entire encyclopedia Britannica.  I love random facts!  Maybe one day I'll go on Jeopardy or Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and makes oodles of money.

Apparently NO ONE has heard about Carousel - Phew - I'm still in the game.  COME ON PHONE ! COME ON!  YOU CAN DO IT!  RING RING RING!  (I know it won't ring until Monday but still - if I start sending the vibes NOW...)

Over a 1000 people showed up the Bye Bye Birdie audition today - that isnt counting the 500 that showed up last week.  These were both DANCE auditions - not singing - EGAD - the world has gone MAD I TELL YOU!  How is one EVER supposed to stand out in a GOOD WAY in a crowd of 1500?  Bloomers that say PICK ME just aint my style!

YODA COMES BACK ON MONDAY!  I"M SO SUPER EXCITED!  I hope he remembers that he likes me now - maybe he'll have remembered to bring my my GUMMIE PIGS - but the chances are higher of my phone ringing with my much anticipated phone call.

Tomorrow is a day of rest - that always makes me antsy - because I feel like I should be doing something to help make me AMAZING!  But I will do things to help make me amazing - fun things like TAXES and LAUNDRY and LETTER WRITING - and let my body rest and voice rest -----------oh boy I can't wait!

Yeah - that's about it - nothing too exciting - took Patti - it was crowded - she yelled at me for being off the music - SURPRISE!  Worked at Steps.  wooooooo!  Talked to Amanda about Godot and Coney Island.  Francesco kissed my cheek and expressed extreme concern over the fact I wasn't announced as the new Ariel - I think I had to comfort him.  We love Francesco.

And - yeah - helped the German move!  And that's a wrap!

Late night musings

WOW - three posts in one day - I guess I have a lot of pontifications going on in my head --- and nowhere or no one to muse them to but here.

I just finished cleaning to apt. for my new subletter who moves in tomorrow - or rather - today.  I'm actually really nervous now. BLARGH.  I've really been living alone for a really long time.  Tiffany was never here - the Europeans were never here - but the new subletter had a 9-5 job - and will be here - I'll have to co-habitate , share the tv, be considerate with my singing, pray he doesn't play his German salsa music at full volume (I'm weird and like my music quiet), not have the sofa all to myself, hope he doesnt order/eat pizza at 10 p.m. in front of me making my mouth water, hope he doesn't sneak into the shower when I need it, etc...  

These are all things I should have thought of and properly questioned a month ago - but I'm just beginning to awaken from my "batman" coma - and participate in real life again - and you know - take into consideration things that NORMAL people take into consideration.  

Anyways - the German guy seems really nice and considerate, as a rule I generally like all things European.  He keeps promising me lots of German chocolate and cooking. He says he'll teach me how to Salsa - which I actually DO need to do - maybe it will help me use the rhythm better and swivel my hips and do that fancy footwork I have so much trouble with, and get some sass in me!  (I got the Disney Princess part down pat!  A girl actually asked me yesterday - Do you always talk like a Disney Princess or is today special.)  I didn't realize I ever talked like a Disney Princess but I'll take that as a huge compliment - since that is my goal and all!:)

Speaking of Disney Princesses - the NEW Ariel is the girl currently playing the FIRST Ariel understudy on Broadway.  I can live with that.  I saw a video.  She is FIERCE.  AAAAAND - She can belt!  I'll let her play the role whilst I hone my skills with Sierra's voice teacher - then - it will be mine - all mine!  MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Tonight I watched some of my friends from dance - dance.  They go to Columbia and study real things such as "neuroscience and behaviour" and "political science with and economics minor."  Crazy amazing brains.  It is fun to hear them talk about the economy and politics - At any rate- they are also FABULOUS ballerinas who have danced with really great professional companies such as Complexions and North Carolina Ballet (for the record - other girls also students at Columbia have danced with NYC Ballet, Miami City Ballet, etc...)  At any rate - these crazy smart girls created The Columbia Ballet Collaborative - and they put on a ballet performance much the way I used to direct shows at Michigan.  So it was really great dance by these really driven intelligent girls - so that was super fun to see.

I just made my to do list for next week - its incredibly daunting --- but hey - it will be productive!:)

Now - I sleep ---

revised

OK - well - first - I'm going to stand up for ALW for a minute - since everyone is bashing him everywhere.  I REALLY LIKE HIS MUSIC.  I've yet to hear music from one of his musical I do NOT like.  Granted - I like cheesey musical theatre stuff, but I REALLLLLY LIKE HIS MUSIC.  And to be honest, I think that Phantom 2 is gonna rock - its sounds so deliciously bizarre.  I've always been a fan of mashing styles and time periods - it's an RSC thing you know.  Why not have opera over Hip Hop.  These  artists named Flemming and John did it - and the results are stunning.  I really respect Andrew for always trying new things - chamber ensembles, rock operas, techno, Elvis, Opera, he even wrote a requiem which is very haunting.  So if he wants to try Hip Hop - I say go for it!  Now he wants to revamp the Wizard of Oz.  Ok - sounds so - BIZARRE to me - but hey - why not?  Why does MGM have to sole rights to adapt Wizard of Oz into a movie or stage show?  It was a book - we should all be able to have a go at it.  I'm not saying his will be better - but it will be different - so why not.  (On that note - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RELEASE THE RIGHTS TO MASTER AND MARGARITA!)

If what I hear about the auditions is true - it is very hurtful - because I feel like the artistic team is laughing at me (and all other auditionees) for wanting something.  Especially when - as I read these Bway boards etc... - most people are boycotting the project.  Those people who support it shouldnt be laughed at by the people creating it!  But maybe these rumours aren't true - they are rumours  - and I shouldnt be upset because I was seen - which is better than not being seen - because if I'm not seen there is no way in hell I'll be cast - if I'm seen there is a MINUTE chance...

In more  - uplifting news - focusing on the positive - I apparently have improved a lot in tap !  YAY!  

Being pissy

Apparently the dance call yesterday was a joke - so says a girl who knows the lady who taught us the dances - assembled to simply amuse the people in the room.  Apparently the casting director LEFT the room for half the groups - no piles or notes were taken - etc...

Additionally for the singer call  - Apparently ALW decided to be present for a few hours then go away - so what?  Did only the people who got seen during those few hours count?  WTF?  I am hurt and angry that I wasted so much time and energy and CARING about this project if the powers that be are just using us for their own amusement.  I don't find it funny.  I find it incredibly disrespectful - because there is a lot I could be doing with my time other than waking up at 6 a.m. to sit in a room and wait to be called - and other auditions I could attend - but I chose THAT ONE because I cared about it. 

Additionally - no call about Carousel ----- :-(:-(:-(

Flashing Lights

Today was a weird day.  I know all of my days are pretty weird by normal people's standards.  And auditioning in and of itself it's one of the most bizarre events in human history - especially dancing auditions.  The leotards and other outfits the girls wear are incredible - in every way incredible can be interpreted.  I've seen see through leotards, thongs, tights ABOVE bikini bottoms, underwear, underwear that says "PICK ME" on the bum so that at the end of the combo the girl can turn around and "moon" the director with the words, full out costumes with poofy sleeves and long skirts, corsets, incredible hairstyles, make-up up to wazooooo, every kind of imaginable shoe, you name it - it has been there.  Dance belts worn ON TOP of men's tights.  It's a regular SNL sketch.  Today, the outfits were all pretty tame.  Some exciting hairstyles since the call said that we should look turn of the century - so lots of heightened French twists, but all in all pretty tame.  More dancers were there than attended all three EPAs.  Amazing.  Everyone was talking about how awful the show was gonna be and how they only wanted to be in it for the paycheck.  I actually WANT to be in it.  I don't understand how this abomination or incredible success can take place and I NOT be a part of it in some capacity.  It will either be a heinous failure or a triumph- and anything that takes that chance - in MY opinion - is the best kind of theatre there is.  Granted - I don't see HOW the show can be good - but if it is as awful as it sounds - I'm sure no producers would participate and no artistic team members would collaborate - and Sierra would not leave Mermaid for it - so I'm BEYOND intrigued!  I'm excited and somewhat obsessed - overshadowed ONLY by Mermaid.  

So I'm there - my favorite leotard on, black tights, hair up in a tasteful French twist, ready to be a showgirl - or sex bot (there IS a sexbot in the show) - or a Christine understudy.  The group goes in - and I"m SUPER excited to be one of the first people to hear ALW's new score.  What will it sound like!  Will it be closer to Joseph or Phantom or Woman in White or JC Superstar?  Something new entirely!  Will it incorporate Elvis like all of his other shows?  The suspense is filling me with happiness.  The first group comes out and says - there is a DJ and we danced to Kanye West's song Flashing Lights...

WTF!!!!!  KANYE WEST!  IS ALW NOT A HIP HOP ARTIST!  IS KANYE ALW IN DISGUISE!  I cry.  But I cry about everything.  So it's no biggie - and everyone knows I cry when I'm just a little bummed so no one really cares - most people only cry when they are REALLLLLY sad - I cry if I'm not experiencing pure elation.  It's ridiculous.   Anyways - When IIIII finally get in there - the lady teaching us the combo says "watch don't do."  (I actually LIKE this  - I always watch before doing and usually get in trouble for it) - but she isn't a very good dancer so I'm like WTF - I have no idea what you want.  It is a weird mix of ballet, hip hop, burlesque, and contemporary - all at the same time. Someone asks what we are supposed to be - she says "all the colors of your crayon box."  Oh thanks - we were hoping for something more like - a happy showgirl, or raunchy showgirl, or sex box, or performing in the Phantom's opera, or enjoying a nice day at the beach with our good friend Kanye, or ballerina's gone wild, I dunno - ANYTHING HELPFUL!  Finally she says something along the lines of - it's like you're a ballerina in a g-string in a 1940s USO show at the turn of the century in a burlesque club - but feel the music (KANYE) and stay in character.  WHAT!??????????  May I repeat WHAAAAAT?  That's like saying "Sing "have yourself a merry little christmas" and I want a mix of Beverly Sills, Harvey Fierstein, John Denver, Tupac, Patti Lupone, and Hilary Duff.  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  My brain hurts just THINKING about it... Somene asks if we should have a motivation she says "well obviously when you are doing ballet - your motivation is to be balletic."  OH ---- thanks -   that is REALLLLLY helpful.  Then she say ok - we are going.  SOmeone asks, can we practice with the music.  She says No.  THe first group goes - she yells at them for looking forward (WAIT - SHE SAID LOOK FRONT _ I'M CONFUSED AGAIN) and NOT being in charater - what --- my multicolored crayong box ballerina wearing a gstring in a 1940s USO show at the turn of the century in a burlesque club dancing to Kanye west because - I guess he has a time machine and was able to play his music back then?  Oh sorry - for not being in character.  Second group goes - same deal.  Then My group goes.  I"m HORRIFIED!  A) I SUCK AT LEARNING COMBINATIONS!  And with no practice!  WTF! WTF! WTF!  and I'm SMACK DAB IN THE FRONT according t their line up - so following anyone for rhythm!  GAH!  But turns out that was a good thing - because through some MIRACLE - I was the only one in my group that remembered the combination - and well - the rhythm is a bit hard to miss - and I just said - Hell - I"m the sexbot - I'm gonna do this as a sexbot would.  WHo KNOWS if I was a good sexbot - or if they LIKED my sexbot - but I gave it a REALLLLLY good go IMHO - especially under the circumstances.  I left VERY happy - AND - since it WAS to Kanye West - I downloaded the music.  I have decided I am DEFINITELY making a video and sending it to ALW, the director, and the choreographer, and I can now INCLUDE the dancing!!!!!!  I have a friend who happens to be an ex-burlesque dancer - and she said she would help me with the "Tipping" - a special burlesque walk - so - yeah - if nothing else - I gained special information.  ONWARD AND UPWARD MY FRIENDS.  I really suck at letting things go ---- hahaha.  That could be perceived as a good thing or a bad thing - depending on the day and the "thing" -  Well - that was the most interesting dance audition I've ever been to - but HEY - I was seen!  AMAZING!

Tomorrow might be the day they make casting calls for Carousel!  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET A CALL!  "Hello - this is McCorkle Casting, we'd like to offer you the role of Louise in the Barrington Theatre's upcoming production of Carousel, are you available." YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!  SEND ALL YOUR HAPPY THOUGHTS!

Today was also my brother's 25th birthday.  We talked briefly on AIM.  He is apparently running more races and mini marathons etc...  Amazing in my opinion - how anyone can find any joy in that - then again - read above - haha.  He may run the NYMarathong - which would be cool - I could wait for him at the finish line with a cold beer (per his request.)

Nothing else too exciting happened today - just plotting and planning - and now I'll clean the apt.  TOMORROW NO AUDITIONS!  JUST CLASS!  YAY!

AND YODA GETS BACK ON MONDAY!  YIPPPPPEEEEKAYAY!!!!!!

Redemption

Today was redemption day.  I just couldn't live another minute knowing I had put forth such a poor performance at the Phantom 2 EPAs.  The cloud of doom was too much to bear - even with Francesco kissing my cheek and feeding me ice cream.  So - I did the unthinkable.  I went AGAIN!  I don't know of anyone else who has done this - gone to the same EPA twice - but there were no rules against it in equity - and as my friend Alena says - the one thing I'm good at its fixating on something and figuring out how to get it.  While I have no control over whether or not casting directors like me - I DO have control over how good I am and the product I put forth.  I put forth Spam!  I can't give someone SPAM!  So I went again.  I was SUPER warmed up - super dolled up in a sexy short black dress with leather trim - sparkly strappy black high heels - hair some up in a French twist and pearl necklace.  I sang I Believe My Heart from Woman in White - and sang it about as well as I ever have - so I left MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH HAPPIER!  The casting director LOOKED at me and smiled the whole time - so I think he actually enjoyed my performance - or - as Amanda said - he may have just been enjoying my dress - she said "whoah" when she saw it.  It is very un "me" - but it looks great!  Even better - I know one of the casting assistants!  Not one in the room - but my friend Ali from UM works in the office!  So hopefully she can slip my headshot in the "good" pile even it isnt already - but Ali is a fabulous person and it was GREAT seeing her.  Apparently I was her artistic inspiration in college and she said "I woudl be so sad if you don't direct again! DIRECT DIRECT."  We shall see.  I WANT to - but I don't want to ASSISTANT direct unless its for Phelim or Trevor.  And no one seems to want to fund my directing project or produce it - so - we'll see how that goes. Right now - I'm focusing on the performing - and I couldn't be happier about it.   

Back tracking - yesterday I went two auditions - wasn't seen at either because there were too many equity - (Legally Blonde and the Forrestburg season - hence making my being seen TWICE at Phantom 2 even weirder.)  I had a send off dinner with Kat and Cara - they are now in Bimini for two weeks.  Oddly - I"m not jealous at all.  I really love New York.  I feel no need to escape the city.  I LOVE the city.  I have wanted to leave but only to see my family or get away from Batman - who has blissfully been out of my life for the past two weeks.  I love my friends in the city - I've been blessed with fabulous ones and I hope I return the favour.  I love my dance classes.  I WILL love my voice lessons with SIERRA'S TEACHER!  And heck - I love my lessons with Jean-Paul.  Auditioning is actually kinda fun minus the waking up super early.  I get to dress up and be a different character - and hopefully I'm getting better at it - not letting my nerves get to me as much - and I've been working really hard in dance class so hopefully I'm getting better with the rhythm.  I love the variety of food and restaurants, I love the shows, I love the music, I just wish the MTA would improve!  BAH!  BAD MTA!  RAISING THEIR PRICES AND CUTTING THEIR SERVICE!  THe trains are SOOOOO RIDICULOUSLY CROWDED!  It's criminal I tell you.  BUt I-95 is a bitch during rush hour - so - is it really much different?

Today - after Phantom I went to Nancy's ballet class - then had lunch with Phil who just got back from Taiwan!!!!!  And he watched figure skating world's live - he was in the FRONT ROW!  So it was fun to hear about his adventures!  We then went to Barnes and Nobles and read eachother funny passages from books in the humour section - there is a book called "The practical guide to racism."  It's a parody of racism and stereotypes against blacks, asians, Indians, Gays, Jews, and MERPEOPLE!  I WHOLE CHAPTER ON MERPEOPLE!  That made me super happy!  And oddly every books I opened seemed to have an ALW reference - maybe it's a SIGN about Phantom 2!  LOL!  Or just a coincidence.  We may never know!  (OH I forgot to tell you - at the audition the girl in front of me kept bouncing up and down talking about how exciting it would be to meet ALW - could I imagine meeting him - me = awkward answers....she was sweet though - I bounce around like that for Mermaid - and was at my SECOND EPA for Phantom 2 so - you know - who am I to talk.)

Then I went Patti's class - where apparently I was off the music AGAIN (I swear - she counts differently than everyone else - the other teachers don't seem to think I'm so bad ---)  Anyways - then Amanda had me tape her contemporary dance audition video - and help her with the choreography, etc...  That was fun.    She is really good.  She does Jana's choreography on POINTE!  Egad!

Anyhoo - have to wake up early for - get ready - the PHANTOM 2 DANCE CALL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Will this be the first dance call I am kept for?  Let's hope so!  I so want to be part of this show - which will either be a trainwreck or an amazing success!  It fascinates and captivates me to no end!  Oh - and WAIT - there is ANOTHER singing audition on MONDAY - the CHORUS call!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I'm debating going to that - heck - WHY not!?

Alright so - now I go to sleep!  Somewhat redeemed.  Who knows if they liked me - but at least I put forth a good product!:)