Yoda remembered he liked me today. I was SUPER happy about that! He gave me a lot of really great corrections as well as positive feedback. When HE gives you positive feedback - you know you are doing SOMETHING right. He also of course takes into account what is good for YOU - so - that must be taken into account - I'm not sure anything I was doing would be "good" for an ABT or NYCB dancer. However - he also forgot he doesn't like Batman. He also forgot I don't like Batman. Nor does anyone. So he called me over and said "Our friend called me yesterday and said he's pop in to say hello - have you seen him?" And I said no - and he continued to talk about about him - and I was trying not to cry - I mean - what do I say? I'm sorry I don't talk to him because he is a complete douche bag who fucks over his friends, family, and if you remember YOU! THis is NOT very Yoda like behaviour. Unless - did Yoda always have faith in Anakin? Batman isn't even cool enough to be Anakin. He can't even use the force to run his own evil empire. This is like - having faith in a deranged one of Darth Vadar's soldiers who accidentally keeps aiming the gun at this own face instead of Luke Skywalker. GAH! But I mean -- I don't want to say anything BAD or offensive to Yoda - so I'm trying my best to just smile and nod and not cry. I fail - and break down in the bathroom. It's pathetic. If you aren't a beautiful gay man explaining the dirty look you gave Batman - just don't TALK about Batman. GAH! But anyways - Yoda gives Batman complimentary classes, dance clothing, jobs, etc... and Batman treats his like shit, and makes him look bad by being a complete disrespectful dickhead - but for whatever reason Yoda likes him - and wants him back in class. And seems excited Batman called him and said he would come to class and say hello - but doens't know why he hasnt done so yet. But no one has seen him except for his cameos in the 12 year old classes where my gay men give him dirty looks as he changes. So - as I'm crying in the dressing room - some high school girls come over and say "OMG BATMAN IS SOOO CREEPY! ANd a child molester! And tell me some VERY disturbing stories - so I feel better - and i"m off to Tressors class to break in my pointe shoes.
Now - first off - I'm trying my Freed pointe shoes - totally different brand - totally different PAINFUL ballgame. MY Bloch pointe shoes never hurt -it was weird - but I apparently didn't get up all the way over the toe. These Freeds I DO get up over the toe - but EEEEESH THEY HURT!!!!!! May you never have to put on such painful footwear! Anyhow, I decide to break them in in Tressor's class - because Tressor really doesnt care about his class. He doesn't pay attention to the students, he flirts with the cute high school girls. He talks about his spin class and why he has to end class 15 minutes early. So I figure if I fall and die - no biggie. If I am dancing awfully, he won't notice. Whatever - it's a great class for that kind of work. PLUS - his bar is SUPER short - so there is lots of time in the center to practice pirouette-ing, etc... Great for a second ballet class of the day. So I get there - walk in - and WHO IS THERE! BATMAN! BATMAN IS THERE! WHAT THE F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS HE TAKING A CRAPPY CLASS THAT HE HAS TO PAY FOR AND NOT YODAS? ESPECIALLY WHEN HE TOLD YODA - gah - like I should be surprised he told a LIE. AND WHY IS HE THERE INVADING MY LIFE WITH HIS AWFULNESS? GAH! Never mind - I sing some Little Mermaid to myself - compose myself - and decide to have a great class anyway. And surprisingly - it IS! My pointe shoes hurt like MOTHER - but - oddly - Tressor said "very good" to me. WHAT? Tressor was paying attention enough to say good? How odd - but fabulous! And Amanda came in to watch through the door - for both moral support and to check on my shoes - and she said they looked good - so - HOOOORAY! ANd I didnt fall and die! In fact I even did Fouettes on pointe! I've nver been able to do them before ! YAY PAINFUL FREEDS! Let's hope I don't fall and die in female Yoda's tomorrow. I hope I feel confident enough to go to the Wheeldon audition and not a complete fool of myself.
Then I took Jana's which was super fun - and my gay boys were all there - (prepped with their dirty looks! Jana's class goes into the room as Tressors lets out so there is a brief overlap.) Anyhow - after Jana's I had to go to this girl Annabella's "dinner party" - where this one girl came up to me and said that she can't stop watching me in Jana's class because my dancing is so so beautiful. I was shocked. And then two other girls talked about how beautiful my ballet dancing. I think it is POSSIBLE if not PROBABLY they had a little too much to drink, but if made me feel really good inside anyway. I mean - I completely understand I could never hold a candle to those ABT girls, but it's still nice to know people enjoy watching me on some level. I've been working very hard - so it's nice to have positive feedback every now and then. Of course - they had me do my Little Mermaid song - about 80 times - at the party - but I love it -Charlie and I also sang duets. He is a super Pop and R&B singer - so we get a kick out of my "opera" voice mixed with his "pop" voice - and Jean-Paul was there - he's always great to hang out with - and he gave me a massage - yay massage!
BLARGH - I feel so helpless with no other auditions to go to-------- but also gotta hone the skills. I forget if I wrote about this - but when I was talking to Reinking she was explaining that the kids who got hired for the summer stock jobs are generic performers who can "do" everything but just do everything ok - but don't really excel at anything. (I don't know if this is true or not - but it made me feel better.) She said - what I do well - I do reallllly well - but I cant do EVERYTHING - (I.e. - my tapping/ belting problem...) but when the opportunity arises - I will actually be a "star" (She uses that term loosely....) So - I gotta hone my skills! (And heck - it would help if I could tap a little and belt - because I really wouldnt mind a summer stock season...I think it would be super fun actually!) Alright - time to get some beauty sleep...
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