sparkle

I'm in one of those - "what's the point" moods, which is odd because I didn't have one of those what's the point days...ballet class was fine - although the choreographer who cut me after shenay turns at the Met was in class - and we did - shenay turns - that was - awkward.  My shenay turns were good though.  My voice lesson was cancelled which made me disturbingly sad - I should not get that upset over something so trivial - but was then rescheduled for later in the day.  Unfortunately - this meant no  - Patti - and I actually really wanted to take Patti today.  Ah well.  I went over to Reinking's where we tried to figure out what to get Gina as a congratulations you just had a baby party - then went to my voice lesson - which was good.  Apparently my voice is VERY BIG - we worked on breathing properly and controlling my HUGE voice - and "unblocking" my tension - which is hindering my voice from reaching it's "true sparkle."  I also have some bad habits which I knew I had but wasn't sure how to break - she helped break them down.  For example - I make a really funny constipated looking face - and my left arms likes to crawl up like it has a mind of it's own.  It does the same thing when i tap.  I think the lesson was good - I hope it was good.  Too soon to tell.  

I then came home and cleaned and paid bills.  Fun.    And depressing.  Taxes and the month without a subletter really screwed me - looks like copious amounts Ramen is in my future...

I'm just frustrated because I want to be working (who in this business doesn't).  I think that this voice teacher can make me a "complete package" when I go into singing auditions.  What I mean is - in addition to releasing the true "sparkle" of my voice - she can help me with the presentation - the "acting" - which SOUNDS really easy but is surprisingly difficult.  Additionally - she said we would work on how to warm up at 6 a.m. or how to best deal with the awful audition settings - (how should I warm up and block out all the other girls walking around singing around me, etc...)  So that is exciting.  That will help a lot.  I don't know what to do about dance.  The more encouraged I get about singing - the more discouraged about dance.  I really don't understand why I don't "sparkle" at dance auditions.  The teachers seem to think I'm good - I get really positive feedback from my peers, people often say they watched me adn I was really good and they wondered why I wasn't kept - I mean - I'm not a waif - but I'm not fat - so what gives?  The most frustrating part is when I ask people "who they kept" "how could I improve" -etc... I get the whole "auditions are retarded and who knows what they are looking for" answer - but truth be told - that is COMPLETELY unhelpful.  I want to figure out how I can be BETTER - no one is perfect - I see those ABT dancers working their butts off - if they had butts - and they are all pretty perfect - but they are always improving and working.  I want to do that - I want to know what I am NOT doing that I should do- or what I AM doing that I should NOT do - etc...I want to "sparkle."  I am thankful I have someone to guide me through the singing - now I gotta figure out about the dance.  If they would only keep me through a dance call - and I could sing - dang.  Even the teacher was like - if you make it through and sing - the music director is gonna say - we have to hire her!  BLARGH.  AH well - Mermaid will audition again in June or July - so - got a little more time to plot and plan and become the perfect Ariel that they are looking for!:)

Today was EARTH DAY!  HOOORAY.  I"m not sure I did much for the planet today - but this weekend is Planet Earth weekend - Kat, Cara, JP, German, me, and some nature documentary videos and food.  I'm looking forward to it!

And EWWWWWWW - I just saw an add for poptarts topped in ice cream - the calories will give me nightmares for months!  GAH!