Well - I get there and the teacher is an uncannily peppy skinny flaming gay man who has chosen a room wedged between two opera singers practicing the dolls song from Les Contes D'Hoffman - Les Ouiseaux dans la Charmille" - why BOTH opera singers were practicing this is beyond me - it is a ridiculously difficult UBER high soprano aria (Actually it has "optional" notes that are high than I can sing - and actually higher than THESE girls could sing as the other acting student continually pointed out - but I'm proud to say our Phyllis in IOLANTHE can easily sing!) and a hip hop class BLASTING their hip hop music - which made for an extremely strange atmosphere to begin with.
The teacher handed us all "sides" to read - and he looked at me and said I have a GREAT side for you - and handed me something from THE WEST WING - where the character I was to read wasn't taken seriously in Washington because she used to play Snow White at Epcot Center. Wow. This guy must be psyhic I thought! So far - GREAT start! There is hope. He gives us 20 minutes to "memorize" the scene. (We'll get back to memorizing - but I actually memorize my scene - because I was told to.)
So he stands up and starts talking about how we have to stop doubting ourself and behave as though the scene were really happening - and quoting all of these famous actors who say that acting is easy and just getting rid of all the masks we put on to create a scene the way we think it should be done - instead of just experiencing it first hand. And how we need to say these affirmations like - it's o.k. to totally suck and forget all the lines - as long as we are HONEST!
So he asks the first girl to go up and he starts reading her scene with her - now there is no doubt he is a fabulous actor - I was unaware he was even reading lines at first. BUt he told the girl reading that she was making "too many choices" and not allowing the words to be organic - and worrying too much about remembering the line - so he just starts talking to her about random stuff - then starts the scene. I'm actually not sure it made her better. Then the next person comes up - pretty much the same exact thing. Pretty much the same until one girl got up and he started telling her she was too nice - and she had to think of something traumatizing in her - and she couldnt think of anything traumatizing - and he told her she would never get anywhere if she was nice - and no one would want to sit with her at the lunch table because she was too eager to please everyone. (WHAT? What lunch table!?) And she started to cry and then he said - your times up - sit down! Wow - harsh... Next few people got up - it was very similar to the first.
Then my turn came. And apparently I was making too many choices and putting on a character of how I think a girl who used to be a Disney Princess would act like. (Ummmmm? Really? ) and then started to ask me about my traumatizing past and how my parents obviously abused me or I'm still haunted by mean middle school teachers or what a kid told me in elementary school - and I was like - ummmm - no - I'm o.k. with all that stuff - so then he asked me to describe the stupidest thing a teacher ever made me do - and said "read Beloved" which made everyone laugh - and he said I was now "trying to entertain the class and to stop" - so I started mumbling and made something up about my tormented past which he said was better and more honest - he then told me while it was very impressive I was word perfect - I should have paraphrased more. WHAT? Why would I paraphrase when I memorized the words? He -then said we were out of time - and I said "But I don't understand..." and he said - "we're out of time read my book."
WHAT? Read his BOOK? I was only doing good acting the one time I was lying about my troubled past which wasn't troubled? This is so messed up! I mean - YES - I obviously WAS acting then - but he point was that I wasn't acting and finally telling the truth. DUDE! What is WRONG WITH YOU!? And WHY do I have to have a messed up past to be able to act. And why must this messed up past come from my parents or elementary/middle school? The most messed up parts of my life were two years ago...and if you want me to cry - you best talk about my dog. '
And by the way - girls who want to be Disney princesses - act like me - unless of course - you mean the ones who are dependent on finding their prince for happiness. But even them - I think they just want a man - not to specifically be a Disney Princess.
GAH! MARY COME BACK! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!
No comments:
Post a Comment