pleasantries.

Well - you gotta love going to your afternoon audition appointment, only to have a friend of your tell you that she spoke with the fat soprano from MFL that morning, who decided to badmouth me the entire time, not knowing who she was speaking to was my friend. Wow. Such DELIGHTFUL people. They actually have a count down as to how many shows until we are finished and never have to perform this production again. Ummmm....excuse me. Again. Am I missing something. Do we WANT to be unemployed? I'm so confused. Also, gotta love the boy who won't talk to except on stage about how angry he is about how I handled those damned pita chips, wanting my dad's help with a legal housing issue now. Um.....no. You don't get to be a total dick to me all week making me cry and have to leave the theatre and sit in a parking lot - then ask for my dad's help. Maybe you should think about that BEFORE you a dick. I'm sorry it will cost you $250 to have a lawyer send a letter on official letterhead. I'm sorry that when you went on as Doolittle you didn't have your lines memorized so they had to cut half of a scene. I'm sorry you are so miserable you can't let go of a stupid pita grudge. I'm sorry that despite being 30 you can't handle a situation better than a 6 year old. My hope for you if that you let go of whatever anger management issues you have - and can be happy. Also - it REALLLLLLLY isn't funny that at this point - everyone is singing in different keys - and none of them are the RIGHT key. It's really not funny. And when I suggest a music rehearsal, while you all are laughing about how much you suck, you probably shouldn't tell me I'm a horrible person. I care about my work - and want to make it good. Candace had the best come back which I should have said. "Well I'm sorry that you all suck." Loralee also suggested - "well then you better go home and learn your shit on your own."

But - that's besides the point of my life. I am so glad I am bitter and miserable with everything in my life. Perhaps I should be - I know in the past I have been. But now I am putting my foot down and refusing. I am a beautiful smart talented girl - and I am going to have an enriching experience - despite my cast's best efforts to stop it! They don't have to like me. They are welcome to sing off key and be miserable - but I will not.

I will be happy to perform every day and give the crowd a fabulous the best I can give on that day.

When I'm backstage - I won't talk to them, I will listen to my podcasts, learn music, or read my brand new book - John Adams' (composer) biography.

When I'm away from the theatre - I will hang out with my FRIENDS - who are awesome - and engage in activities with are productive and enriching - seeing shows/operas - taking classes - learning music - learning piano/music theory - putting together a Christmas caroling group - read the newspaper - watch the news - laugh as much as possible - audition - direct - perform - collaborate - be silly - and challenge myself constantly - the heights of great men were not reached by sudden flight, but while their companions slept toiled upward in the night.

I've been here before - and I know how to handle it. You can hate me for not buying into your negativity and not complaining about how horrible it is to have a job- and not trying to get someone fired for eating your pita chips - or getting the job your friend didn't - or for not thinking Herman Caine is the best option for president - or not believe Lady Jane is a character in Richard III - for not being content to sing off key and out of harmony - but I will be o.k. And if I'm lucky - I'll be more than o.k. I'll be happy healthy and successful - grow as a person and as an artist.

And I'm learning from you. I'm learning what I value in my friends and in myself. I'm learning how lucky I have been to work with people who love theatre up to this point - and have taught me in the importance of a true collaborative project - and how to be proud of your part whether you are Eliza or chorus girl #5. I feel lucky for doing shows at VLOG and AMORE so now that I am PAID and actually given costumes I dont have to provide myself - or a set I didnt have to help build - I don't take it for granted. I'm happy I can appreciate a good production and good creative team - so I can appreciate a good show when I'm in one. I'm grateful for all the blah internships I did so I can appreciate what the techies do for us. I'm grateful I didn't go to school for theatre - so I actually have a brain. I'm grateful I found Mary - who is a wonderful voice teacher and acting coach - and also taught me how to handle the fragile egos of other performers - and understand that when they are mean to me - it has more to do with their own insecurities than anything I am actually doing.

And I'm grateful that for four perfect hours today - the world was perfect. I was watching Satyragraha - with one of my best friends - dead center orchestra - PM just accepted my facebook friend request - and the world disappeared into a beautiful meditation about the "athletes of the spirit" who hold pleasre and pain, profit and loss, victory and defeat to be the same, then brace yourself ready for the fight. And isn't that all we can do -brace ourselves for the fight - whatever our fights may be - and mine is not let the negativity bring me down - and they won't.

Guten Nacht.