In some ways I'm relieved and in many ways I want to cry and in many ways I'm just happy and proud of a job well done. And of course confused...very very confused - about whether I should call CAP21 up and say JUST KIDDING I DO WANT TO DO THE PROGRAM! I DO WANT TO SPEND $5000 because I DO have a future in performing. Put me in front of those casting directors! Get me work! Or if I want to continue doing whatever it is that I'm doing and hope something incredible will come of it. I wish I had some way of interrogating the universe, knowing what I should do, and what path each adventure would take me down so I could choose. Eeeesh --- $5000.
It's also hard because everyone flatters you when you are in my position - the lead of a musical --- everyone in the cast and creative team panders to you which is FABULOUS and your friends all tell you how ridiculously talented you are - and I don't know whether to believe them or not. If I am as talented as they said - then $5000 is a totally worthwhile investment - get me on the bway stage - but it's all being flattered - well - I do't know - I'm just confused.
I'll miss being a lead - it was fabulous - and fun - and appropriately challenging. I loved it. Now it's time to say goodbye to Tzeitel, and see what else the world has to offer me. HELLLLLO WORLD!:)
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