June - you are weird!

June has been a bizarre month thus far.  It's been filled with a lot of hope - the results of which are yet to come to fruition - and a lot of encounters with reality - and a lot "I need to move ons."  The result of which is me feeling rather lonely and lost on a Saturday night.

There is a lot of hope for magical phone calls and e-mails, but thus far none have come.  And they won't come at 2:16 a.m. on an Saturday night/Sunday morning.

My amazing "Parallel career" looks like it might not be so AMAZING - which is rather disappointing.  Skeevey bosses who take more than 4/5 of the tour income from the guides while complaining how the business doesn't make money (I"m sorry - you make over $1000 a DAY AFTER paying your guides - and you do next to NOTHING except MAYBE answering a few phones and send some e-mails - how does that NOT MAKE MONEY?)  7000 a week on a SLOW week = 364000 a YEAR!  You CANT tell me you are LOSING money on that!  If that's the case - you need to SERIOUSLY rethink your business plan!  And  - I wish he sold what he says he sells - instead of "bending the truth."  It makes me sad.  Other companies are probably even worse.  At least he pays $75 for 90 minutes, other companies pay $12 an hour.  SHeeeeeesh.  Someone - please help me figure out how to make enough money to be happy - but still be able to perform.  Please.  Or just HIRE to me to perform.  I'm really good.  And I'm a triple threat.  My phone should be ringing off the hook!  PLEASE RING DAMN PHONE!  (OR DING E-MAIL BOX!)

Two weeks ago I broke up with a boy who I had been MAYBE nebulously seeing for 6 months.  It was a weird awkward relationship - but in the absence of Kat and Cara and Reinking and most of my friends, he became my best immediately present friend. But was a HORRIBLE boyfriend.  HORRIBLE.  And I couldn't' take it!  I guess I've always dreamed that my boyfriend would take me out to dinner at least ONCE and pay.     Or think of something fun to do - INITIATE a date of ANY KIND - a walk in the park, invite me to a party, take me to a show, go to a comedy club, go canning in central park, walk across the freaking Brooklyn Bridge, ANYTHING, but I had to initiate EVERYTHING - nor did he tell me I was pretty - or attractive- or sexy - or talented - or anything.    Nor did he make SOME sort of gesture that SOMEONE might interpret as somewhat romantic - at all.  This had none of that.  He was awkward and treated people similar to how he treated computers - and as a result lacked the romance and magic I want.  During our break-up - we decided we were better as friends.  His reasoning for not giving me romance was that every girl he HAD given romance to left him and never spoke to him again.  I told him that was ridiculous and I wouldn't do that, but he said he wouldn't give me romance and we should be friends, I said that was fine.  THen he promptly blocked me from everything.  So - er - I guess the reason none of the girls ever spoke to him again was because he blocked them?  At any rate, it just makes me really sad to have lost a friend as well.  And oddly, the only person who seemed to be around for me to cry to was Fat Conductor Man. I sat on his sofa as he made me pasta and I cried.  If someone had been observing they would have found this to be a VERY odd sight indeed.

Of course my old management company decides to bust out its debt collectors as well.  Just making it super fun!

And why won't anyone hire me for anything other than 9-5 jobs?  I keep applying to these jobs saying in my cover letter - can't work 9-5 Mon-Friday  Looking for weekend or evening work.  I'll even APPLY to the VERY SPECIFIC evening/weekend job - but what do I get back?  A letter with SOME excuse for why that job is no longer available, but they'd LOVE to have me in this OTHER position 9-5 Monday -Friday.  REALLY?  THERE IS NOTHING ANYWHERE OTHER THAN WAITRESSING THAT IS NOT 9-5 MONDAY-FRIDAY AND UNFLEXIBLE and AVAILABLE.  This is ridiculous.

RING PHONE RING!