GO RED WINGS!:)

SURPRISE!  I was cut from WICKED.  As I'm cut from EVERY FREAKING DANCE CALL!  I went to the bathroom and cried - then saw a girl I knew vaguely from steps on my way out and cried again.  Saw kat and cried. It's not so much that dancing in the chorus of Wicked is my dream job - as it is general frustration with the world.  I recognize I have not yet masted the skill necessary for being kept at an audition much less acquiring a job on Broadway.  I can accept that.  What frustrated me is people's general unwillingness to acknowledge this and help.  People who are suppose to be my TEACHERS tell me the reason I"m not kept is because of my leotard, or height, or shape, or hair color, or whatever.  My friends at the audition say "you never know what they are looking for" etc... etc...  sometimes it IS true - they need all the girls to be 5'7 and fit into a pre-existing costume.  However, there is something inherently WRONG if one is NEVER kept - even for original productions!  I think everyone has been brainwashed into this - support eachother and feel great about yourselves - say you are fabulous and the only reason you dont book a job is because your teeth are too big.  This does NOT make me feel good.  Accomplishing things and getting BETTER makes me feel good.  

I video-ed myself doing the Wicked choreography.  To be honest, I look fairly awful doing it.  I dont even recognize the steps.  The lines are all completely wrong, my hands are doing something funky, my head is often down when its supposed to be up, I'm not closing in a nice fifth position, movements are choppy, and positions are imprecise.  Oh I THINK I'm doing EXACTLY what the choreographer said - but I'm nowhere close.  I wouldnt keep me!  And I'm FURIOUS that NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME I SUCK!  I mean - I'm in two or three classes every day.  Yoda and female Yoda have no problem telling me I suck and making me better  As a result, my ballet is pretty darn fierce.  (For a non-ABT ballerina.)  BUT WHAT ARE THE JAZZ AND CONTEMPORARY TEACHERS DOING?  The rhythm AINT the problem!  Why do't they tell me I have trouble adapting to the style and help.  I mean - I know I dont really pay for class because I work at Steps - but - I buff those floors!  And I want my 4.5 hours worth of floor buffing corrections!!!!  I want to know HOW to fix my psychotic hands - HOW to adapt to styles - HOW to make my head look in the right direction - etc...  I don't need someone to tell me how wonderful I am - I need a really mean hockey coach who tells me what a sissy I am  and makes me cry (which is not hard to do) and doesnt put up with any of my bullshit - but gets me to do the steps CORRECTLY and PRECISELY!  What is with this freaky hippie love we are all fabulous stuff?  And what is even more sickening is - EVERYONE JUST EATS IT UP!  They are like - I am fabulous I have no idea why I'm not kept - it must be because they only wanted tall blondes.  And when I insinuate that there may be a non-physical reason that I am not kept - it ruins their little bubble and they get mad - and cry - and I'm like STOP CRYING AND DOING SOMETHING!  But what to do I DONT KNOW!  I dont want to get a job because they want a medium sized brunette - I want to get a job because I am SUPER FIERCE.  I just want to be SUPER FIERCE. I CAN be super fierce - I just need GUIDANCE!  

So Kat and I went to see Little Mermaid to make ourselves feel better.  I thought - heck i need to see Sierra before she leaves.  We get there and SIERRA'S UNDERSTUDY IS ON!  GAH!  Not that I was disappointed - I knew Sierra's understudy was super fierce and is in fact taking over for Ariel - and I was TOTALLY planning on seeing her - in a few months ------ now I"m gonna have to see the show again within the next two weeks to see Sierra - I think this makes me officially creepy.  Kat LOVED the show so much.  That made me happy.  Understudy was FABULOUS.  STUNNING voice - she can belt so fabulously  - marvelous actress - great dancer - the most impossibly perfect abs known to woman - and the prettiest face I think I've ever seen - just the perfect Ariel.  I'm insanely jealous - but also enjoyed her performance immensely.  I also -------- bootlegged the performance on my recorder - so I can study the understudy's ever vocal nuance.  MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

I got home and German asleep - but he WOKE UP for me - joy - and came out for chatting and staring - ugh - and said he was sad that I hadnt sung in a while - and after much prodding so I played my practice session from earlier in the day - and he informed me I have a lot of work to do and the last part of PART OF YOUR WORLD (where I belt) sounds "pretty bad actually."  Excellent.  I soudn pretty bad.  That was a GREAT way to end the day.  

I also ended up in the stairwell with Batman today - he ran away from me.  It was hysterical - he could not run fast enough.  Kinda pathetic actually.  Kinda sad too.  But it gave me my emotional ammo for the next week - so I'm good to go - tears, laughter, whatever - I'll be able to summon you at my will!  MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I also saw Batman's sisters ex-boyfriend -(He went through a similiar Batman family experience with the sister a few months prior so we have a special bond)  we shall call him W - W just got back from doing the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang tour.  I told him of my dance call woes - and he actually had some good advice to offer.  He said "you tend to move really big - so make your movements smaller and more precise."  This is the opposite of most people's problem- so in auditions they keep saying STEP WIDER -I dont really need to step wider - I just need to step controlled.  And he also said to pay a lot of attention to where the movement originates - the shoulder - the elbow - the hand.  That dictates the style - and is probably why I THINK I look one way - but end up looking another  I am putting my arm above my head - but if you lead with your shoulder you get a completely different looks than leading with your elbow or hand.  I thought that was helpful and something to focus on.  

Well tomorrow is a big day - two dance classes, work, voice lesson, and possibly and audition for a little night music directed by Rovert.  The reason I hesitate - is because the casting director is the casting director for Mermaid and Phantom.  I'm not right for any roles in Night Music - AND - I dont have a "perfect" audition  together yet.  Mary and I are working towards that - but for the moment - its not  a complete package - and I want to present myself to them in the best possible light - because those are my two shows man!  Phantom I can sing the heck out of - and Mermaid - well - need I go on about my love of mermaid.  

Not to mention - tomorrow is game 7 of the Red Wings/Ducks series - WINGS MUST WIN!  (otherwise their quest for Lord Stanley's Cup will be over - and that will just be depressing.)  WE MUST DEFEND OUR TITLE WITH HONOR!  Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah!:)  May the legend of the Octopus live on!:)