Sadly - as I go to bed - the predominant thought in my head is how a friend broke my heart. This friend (female) - was dating another friend of mine (male). They broke up - and female friend has seemed to become vengeful. In her attempts to get back at male - she said some of the most hurtful things that could have ever been said to me - low blows to say the least - in fact - some of the words - meant to teat me and other friends apart - echoed the manipulative lies told Batman said when he wanted me and Casey and his sister to all hate each other. Female friend knew this. The fact she would bring it up - was heart breaking.
Worse - she claimed that any hurt I felt regarding Batman was invalid because we weren't dating. How DARE she judge my emotions - what I gave to Batman - what I felt good bad or ugly - and say that I don't know what it is like to be hurt? And she said and that I was a bad friend for taking male's side - when that was not what I did at all. I told her to not send hateful emails or behave in any rash ways - but apparently because I refuse to NOT talk to male friend I'm an awful person. Esp. when she blacklisted Batman. It is NOT the same thing at all! Male friend has served as my vocal coach for the past five months - I've known since I was 14 - he has proven a valuable trustworthy friend - he makes mistakes - but he learns from them - and has always been there to help me - AND my friends - And female friend. No one likes Batman - and those who did found themselves fucked over. I understand she is hurt - but what she asks is unfair. Then in what felt like a last minute attempt to get me to blacklist male friend - she told me male friend said all these awful things about me behind my back- but refused to tell me what they were. The worst part of this is - when I begin to think that I finally have a good supportive healthy group of friends - someone has to try and tear it apart like in such an ugly hateful low way. I had wanted to remain friends with them both - but can I be friends with someone who can have such little respect for my feelings to say such awful things about me and people I love? I already lost one very close friend this year - I can't bear to lose another. I have done EVERYTHING in my power to try and be supportive and loving of both - but I find myself here - once again - heartbroken - trying to rebandage a wound I thought was healing. Female friend ripped open every stitch with such hurtful words. I understand she is upset - she was hurt very badly too. I do not condone male friends hurtful actions - however - I do not believe they were done with malicious intents - and that he is truly sorry - and he has enriched my life so much I simply cannot blacklist him. I hate feeling like a horrible person -I try so hard to be a good person - why does it always end up such a mess!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I don't know if female friend reads this or not - female friend if you do - know I love you very dearly - but you have to know how much your words affect me - I want to support you - but you can't say those things - it kills me inside.
How would YOU handle the situation? Please - if you have input give it!
I can't sleep because I was crying so hard - not even watching Mermaid is helping ---
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